The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Just great I spent the last 15 to 30 minutes writing a post. The computer decided to do something wierd and everything dissappeared. Here I go again. Not as long this time. I will just recap last nite.
I got home around 9pm. I see that my A, Tina had gotten the truck running.( She was suppose to wait for my help.) (July 24 last time) The riding lawn mower was here. ( lawn mower man was suppose to deliver it) She had mowed some.
I got into the house. She follows me to the toilet. While I am peeing, she shows me how she cleaned up the bathtub for the 5 kittens. We have limited floor space. She wants me to see them playing in the tub with the metal ( part of a crate/ playpen) top on it. She staggers and falls against the kittens crate. I am getting annoyed and a headache.
I sat at the computer & started to hook up. the tv was on. she asked if I wanted some fresh friut she was fixing. I said no ( Over a year now, I try not to eat after 7:30pm). She starts in on something? I was a typical " husband" I come home from work & watch tv & get on the computer while she the " wife " is home all day with the kids. She tells me she got the truck running by herself, she went to pick up the lawn tractor, she mowed some of the yard, she went to the grocery store ( booze is next door) ,she cleaned the bath tub for the kittens & she bathed some of the dogs, etc . I said I appreciate what you do here. She would not shut up, she would not go away, she reminds me of a mosquito that buzzes you ear. It will not go away & you can not kill it.
I unplugged the computer before it hooked up. (dial up). I got the outdoor goat & dog food & went outside. I sat in the car, turned on the radio & leaning back the seat. I thought I could relax. Enjoy myself for awhile before bedtime. NOPE! Here she comes she feeds her outdoor dogs. Then she opens the passenger side & sits on a watermelon on the front seat. She says this is nice can I join you? I said nothing. She says I guess not. She gets out and goes inside. She calls from the front door, you want some fruit. I didn't say a word. I turn off the radio and laid down on the front seat. I thought my headache may go away. NOPE She comes to the car window & brings the plate of fresh fruit. I had my head covered. I was trying not to cry. It is now 9:30pm. She noticed & as she was leaving says I guess I am not wanted. She comes back again. I cover my nose. ( the smell of booze makes me nausea or want to throw up. , since I quit) She is like WHAT? I told her it is not her but the smell. She proceeds to tell me that her drinking has improved. She used to drink the biggest bottle of hard liquor a day, then a case or more of beer & now she only drinks wine & not a lot. OH PLEASE! I said You could be right.
I waited when she started again.I said why is it you can not be with me without the booze? I think something distracted her. I went into the house & sat in the recliner & watched what she had on tv. She finally shuts up. The phone rings , she turns off the volume of the tv. It has close caption & the phone is cordless. I finally got up & said I am going to bed. I think it is 10 or 10:30pm now.
Usually if I just go to bed early and turn off all lights, noises etc & leave her up. She will go to sleep herself. Can you believe she was born in 1963? I would have drove off from her but I put another hole in the gas tank so I am running on fumes till I repair it again. She told me the truck is running & needs to go back to the transmission man.
I got up my usual time around 7:30am to 8am. She got up and fed all dogs indoors. She is now trying to sleep in the recliner. I should do like one of my X beau friends. He got up early and turned up the music as loud as he could get it.
Ok besides telling her she could be right, not engaging in a conversation while she is drinking, getting away from her best I could, what more could I do? There is no way to change the locks on this house.
I have noticed when those that know both of us try and say anything scolding her about drinking. I am the one to catch the brunt of it. I have told them there is no point in them saying anything to her about it.
Well I work from 2pm to 8pm today phew! LOL go to an X drunks house to get away from here.
Well... never ceases to amaze me how diligent they will be at tracking us down and continuing the crazyness. I know you are frustrated, but think of it this way.... you attempted to detatch at the right time, you kept your responses to a polite minimum. You are like me in one respect, I detatch and only go 20 ft away. So she just follows me. LOL
If I were smart when I need to get away I would go for a long walk instead. Really get away.
Keep at it, I am told it takes practice.
Take care of you
__________________
"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
If the simple fact that she had been drinking, rather than any abusive action on her part, is enough to give you a headache, make you feel like you must escape, then maybe it is time to think very seriously about why you are in this relationship.
The alanon tools of loving detachment only go so far. They can make it possible for us to get through the bad parts of an essentially caring relationship, they can help us protect ourselves from the worst excesses of the A. If your problem is with what the A IS rather than with what she DOES, though, I don't know if they can help much.
It may be that the only way to serenity for you at this time is to remove yourself from a situation that you find intolerable.
Again, I didn't hear from you that you called your sponsor. Or that you went to a meeting. Or that you read any confrence approved literature. I'm not hearing what you did for your recovery.
In the words of one woman who's been in the program for 27 years, "Pigeons do what pigeons do. And if you sit under their tree, they're gonna sh*t on you."
hmmm, sponsor the group I belong to has a hand full at best. I do call the contact person sometimes. I thought 9:30 to 10:30pm was too late to call anyone unless an emergency. As for reading conference literature. I read the three books daily. I did read them by flashlight when I got into bed. My cat, Scooter thinks that is his time to get between me and the books. But I did read them before I went to sleep. And attending a meeting, I live 45 minutes to the closest meeting. I will attend the next one on Thursday.
