The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
my a husband went out tonite,just left about 20 min ago and it is only 7 at nite..he wanted me to drive him to the bar,but i said no told him to just go,i will pick the car up later..he said for me to come down around 9 to be with him,told him i dont like bars,he says but you like karaoke,i didnt answer him..i guess deep down i want him to drive home and hope he gets pulled over by the cops for dui or dwi..he has been in rehab many times 5 times since we have been together{since 98}and the only way he gets help and goes in rehab is when he gets caught by the cops for driving drunk..i know that if he gets caught he will most likely go to jail,since this will be his 4 dui in 8 years{if he gets caught}3 in ny and if he gets one here that will be 1 for florida..im so sick and tired of going though this.the abuse when he isnt drinking{he doesnt hit as of yet but he nit picks and bitches all the time when he isnt drinking}he goes out almost every weekend and spends his whole paycheck and gives me maybe a 100 to pay bills and buy food..maybe im wrong for feeling this way of letting him get caught by the cops tonite..but when he is not here im happy when he is home i just want to go to another room and not be around him..i do love him but i dont think in the same way anymore..when he was in recovery before he used to help me around the house work outside mowing the lawn and keeping our property looking nice,help with the wash and cook and pack his own lunch for work and set the coffee pot he doesnt do that anymore, he comes home and treats us like crap,only time he is in a good mood is when he wants to go out drinking...i really really want him to get caught drinking and driving tonite then maybe my prayers will be answered.yes of course if he does get caught that means losing his paycheck every week,but i dont get the whole thing anyways,i get a settlment check every month and that pays the bills,plus i get ssd and i have a little money saved in the bank,but not much..because of his drinking im thinking of getting rid of my car{2006 colbolt in which it is payed off}and buy a used 04 or 05 and having a car payment that way i might have 8000 to put in the bank to live on if and when i kick him out or he goes into rehab or jail that way im not stressing myself about the bills..the car is in my name not his,and the house and property is in both of our names.........my a is also type 2 bi-polar and he hasnt taken his meds in about 10 months so i know that is another reason for the drinking and drug use and that is the reason he is being so mean and controling.............well i better go please please dont anyone say im wrong..i need to work on getting myself back together and my health..and he has to go just dont how to get him to leave...i also want to go to al-alon meetings but i dont know how he will feel if i go afraid that it might anger him and i dont want to get in anymore fights with him..well thanks for listening and let me vent and share
Just getting up the courage to come here and vent and share is a good first step.
I know what you mean about getting yourself back - I felt that him being the way he was kept me from being the way I am. In reality, though, it doesn't, except in some minor practical terms. Hard to learn that, though - maybe it has to come in tiny increments, one baby step at a time.
Don't feel bad about wishing he got a DUI - I used to fantasize that my husband would be killed on the job, so that we would be free of him, and have the insurance. Crazy, when I think about it now - I felt like it would hurt him too much if I left him, but dying was OK? That's something I still haven't gotten the guts up to confess to him, three years into the program for both of us...
Yup me 2, I used to pray for that. Man our cops are so dumb! (ha, ha)
Don't feel bad. Use the information to make some changes in your life. In my life, pain is a motivator to do something different. In fact, used to be, that was the only motivator to get things done.
Keep coming, Don't leave before the miracle (and the miracle is you).
yours in recovery, Maria123
__________________
If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
my a husband went out tonite,just left about 20 min ago and it is only 7 at nite..he wanted me to drive him to the bar,but i said no told him to just go,i will pick the car up later..he said for me to come down around 9 to be with him,told him i dont like bars,he says but you like karaoke,i didnt answer him..i guess deep down i want him to drive home and hope he gets pulled over by the cops for dui or dwi..he has been in rehab many times 5 times since we have been together{since 98}and the only way he gets help and goes in rehab is when he gets caught by the cops for driving drunk..i know that if he gets caught he will most likely go to jail,since this will be his 4 dui in 8 years{if he gets caught}3 in ny and if he gets one here that will be 1 for florida..im so sick and tired of going though this.the abuse when he isnt drinking{he doesnt hit as of yet but he nit picks and bitches all the time when he isnt drinking}he goes out almost every weekend and spends his whole paycheck and gives me maybe a 100 to pay bills and buy food..maybe im wrong for feeling this way of letting him get caught by the cops tonite..but when he is not here im happy when he is home i just want to go to another room and not be around him..i do love him but i dont think in the same way anymore..when he was in recovery before he used to help me around the house work outside mowing the lawn and keeping our property looking nice,help with the wash and cook and pack his own lunch for work and set the coffee pot he doesnt do that anymore, he comes home and treats us like crap,only time he is in a good mood is when he wants to go out drinking...i really really want him to get caught drinking and driving tonite then maybe my prayers will be answered.yes of course if he does get caught that means losing his paycheck every week,but i dont get the whole thing anyways,i get a settlment check every month and that pays the bills,plus i get ssd and i have a little money saved in the bank,but not much..because of his drinking im thinking of getting rid of my car{2006 colbolt in which it is payed off}and buy a used 04 or 05 and having a car payment that way i might have 8000 to put in the bank to live on if and when i kick him out or he goes into rehab or jail that way im not stressing myself about the bills..the car is in my name not his,and the house and property is in both of our names.........my a is also type 2 bi-polar and he hasnt taken his meds in about 10 months so i know that is another reason for the drinking and drug use and that is the reason he is being so mean and controling.............well i better go please please dont anyone say im wrong..i need to work on getting myself back together and my health..and he has to go just dont how to get him to leave...i also want to go to al-alon meetings but i dont know how he will feel if i go afraid that it might anger him and i dont want to get in anymore fights with him..well thanks for listening and let me vent and share