The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
What a nutty time this is. I can’t believe one can feel so many emotions at once.
Now AH feels horrible after this week, being drunk all the time, threatening to have his car repossessed, the mortgage behind, me finding out about the phone calls with this “friend”. He says he only wants me and he is just devastated. He swears she is only a friend and says she is so worried now about our relationship being ruined because of this. He asked if I wanted to meet her!
Anyway, I have been trying to be calm, wondering if this is the last straw, but not feeling like it is. What is the deal? People always say, you will know when it is time to leave. I think some days this is it, no more, then I think other days, no, there is still hope for him to get help. What should I do? I guess take care of myself, get a sponsor, and dive into Alanon.
I was thinking to give this until the end of this year. I have taken the money from my 401k and paid up everything (he doesn’t know it – so he will get going and start working) – and I have made a plan that financially if he cannot pay bills until the end of the year, I can make it. I canceled things I don’t need, home phone, etc.
Thank you guys so much for being here. Having a place to go when you are just crushed and someone to listen matters so much when you are in crisis.
Who knows from day to day what will happen. Be prepared for anything, I have learned this year.
We have raised kids together, been through so much together. Last year was so wonderful when we both were sober. We had the best year ever. Why would God then take it all away this year? We camp together, hike together, fish together, we are truly best friends. But not when alcohol is there, it is like a demon between us.
I was horrible to him this year when he relapsed, screaming and bitching and bringing up the past drunks. I did not know the tools of Alanon yet. No wonder he needed someone to talk to or to go to for compassion. And someone to drink with probably….
I guess I have to let this truly go to God, and see what happens. I am not ready to give up yet, just need to change my reactions and my behaviors. Worry about me. What a whirlwind….
I know the barrage of emotions all too well. I have no idea about your H and his friend, but I felt like sharing a little story to you about my AW and her friend.
This person was starting to show up at common functions, kids playing together. Heck one weekend I even took this guy and his kids fishing at a private lake we go to. All the while she had been having an affair with him. She was soo appreciative that I was not jeleous and she was just letting the boys play together.... HA!
She was dating this guy and I was sponsering it. Like I said I am not judging your situation, but just like when they are lying when they call us names and say they don't care, in my AW's situation, she was lying when she said she did care and I was the only one for her.
When I realized this I was ready to stomp the air out of his lungs. Luckilly I never met up with him again in person.
Knowing you are very emotional right now is good, it always helps me temper my decissions if I feel I am a bit out of control. It's when I know I'm right and ready, that I panic. LOL
Take care of you!
__________________
"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
I too have never felt so many emotions as these last few weeks. I think for me part of that comes from bottling up emotions inside. I just ate them all. I wouldn't allow myself to feel anything so when my Addict husband hit bottom (dragging me with him) the flood gate opened. They all came pouring out at once. Very hard.
If you have been dealing with this D for anytime, and it sounds like you have, you have probably bottled emotoins too. But, bottling emotions (like bottling fruit) means that we will open them up later. I am hoping to be able to feel my emotions when they happen so that I don't have a lot more weeks like the last three. I thought my emotions were going to kill me.
For me, chatting with all of the people on this site has helped me through the emotions. I have also spent a lot of time talking to my sister and praying. I am learning that emotions are neither good nor bad. they just are. I am also learning that talking and praying helps. I wish you the best. Hang on. All rollercoaster rides eventually end. Sometimes the hardest part of the ride is the abrupt halt.
