The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Lately I have been feeling alot of pressure from my A to go and see him. But the way I am seeing things lately is why should I go threw all the effort all the time and pay to go to him. I just get so frustrated at times because it feels like I am the one doing all the work. My A is on probation for 2 years and can't leave the state he is in. So I have decided if he wants to see me he can atleast pay for it. It isn't the money that is the issue it is that I am getting tired of feeling like the doormat. Guess I just set a new boundry.
I got told that seeing me every 4-6 months isn't going to work for him. Well I guess the only response I have is my HP will show me the way. I guess because I am not calling on a daily basis like I used to. He uses his parents calling card to contact me with when he wants to talk. I am learning to live my life for me my A see's the independence in me. Told him I went for shushi the other night he got short with me when I told him, he didn't understand why I didn't go with him when he suggested it. I felt bad in away, when he got short but for me I wasn't ready to try anything new for me (when he suggested it) was about staying in the same funk in my life and just dealing with all the emotional restraints. I miss my A terrible. But now is my time. My time to grow and discover me, in a whole new light. So I had to live and let go. My HP will show me the way.
It's always encouraging to hear when someone is taking their life back. You are right, this is your time to discover who you are. You seem to be on the right track.
Pressure is one of those things that I can really relate to. I feel lots of pressure from my AW to do things. I keep trying to tell myself that when I decide what I am going to do I will take what my AW has expressed as a want or need into consideration, but I get to pick what I do. Good bad or indifferent.
If I only do something because my AW has pressured me into it... then shame on me. (and I still do that alot...)
Your post sounded very healthy, keep on going!
Take care of you!
__________________
"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
There is alot of strength in your post. Your A sounds very childlike as mine does. Sometimes I feel like I am dealing with a 9 year old who has alot of power. And that you miss him and can still focus on yourself. I wish I could do that. My AHsober separated from me but really I am the one who needs to separate from him. Prayers for sure.
You are right, this is your time to discover who you are. You seem to be on the right track.