The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I think about how I wanted my A's mom to stop enabling him so he had a place to stay.
Now she has no home to give him.
So he is out there, somewhere. I was thinking how he said he had to get himself together. Had things he had to do. Well I guess what better than to be out there with nothing, having to scrape and walk everywhere.
Thinking how this is where we want the A to get to, then maybe, just maybe they will get their miracle.
I pray mine gets his.
As for me, still working on getting well. Had a bad one yesterday but better again today.
Neighbors dogs got over here and got a chicken, I got the chicken away but then Sauveur, French for Savior, a very large Great Pyrenees, did not like this dog near me and jumped on it.
Then all uno broke out and I had my seven dogs and her two dogs in a huge fight. I got all away but the two huge ones. got a two by six and tried to get it between them. The black dog would not let go of Sauvy, I got so mad I started yelling, "GET OFF MY DOG!" And was clobbering it with the board, told the owner to get her dog or I was going to kill it.
gads. I really like her dogs, it was just a dog thing, but I did not need it.
I finally got black dogs collar and pulled him off Sauvey and sat holding him and sauvey apart while this neighbor could not even unhook the frigging gate. I swear I have trouble with wussy women. i am sorry but for petes sake, this woman asked me to help her cover her burn pile with a tarp. omg give me a break.
She is saying to her other dog, be nice doggy come here. OMG I said grab your dog by the neck and drag her home.
I finally got the black dog over there after sitting there in a cold sweat keeping the huge dogs apart and trying to keep my tavish and brown little dogs away from me....she is saying maybe between the two of us we can get that other big gate over here. I wanted to day something not very christian so I did not say a word. I would have to do everything.
Not thirty min. before this I had gotten home with groceries and apples I picked and had some kind of weird heat stroke thing or asthma attack or both. It was almost a hundred degrees, I honestly thought, omg if it hurts this much to die, this is awful. Got myself into the shower and turned on the cold and managed not to pass out. was awful.still had some cloths on.
Of course all I could think about picking apples was how much fun a and I had always picking stuff for the animals. Then when I was trying to get groceries in, how it used to be so nice, he would bring them in and I would put them away.
When I was passing out I thought about how I needed him here so badly. I mean as the person I married.
Wondering how long I can live out here alone.
did some stuff in here and took lotsa breaks. Wish I could afford a ten foot fence.
anyhoo all I know is hp takes care of me and my critters.
Been feeling pretty crabby and inpatient. not like me. not sure how come. do not like me very much right now. lol
I just want to tell people to get it together and just do it. I know they cannot help it, and they are on their own path, and must be true to themselves.
Deb, my name is Debra Lynn. I keep wondering if that is your name too? Anyhoo, when it rains it pours. I cannot stand Weenie women either. They are very manipulative. They act weak and some idiot bends over backwards to help them. I used to get that alot when I was single. I intimidated men I guess because I wasnt going to shake my booty just to get them to do something for me.
Congrats on being a real woman. A strong women who can take care of herself. In spite of how bad you felt you took care of business
I am sorry to hear you are not feeling well and things are hard. I do wonder about the A's ability to stay at a bottom. I lived in San Francisco for a lot of years there is a population of homeless adults there that is always constant. Some people manage to live on at bottom for a long long time. The local government changed things so they could no longer get general assistance thinking that would affect the numbers it has not. I know we are always looking at the ability of the human spirit to ascend above and pull through but there is also the capacity to destroy one self and just sit at the bottom. People can survive in very strange circumstances. I think for some people when the disease totally takes over it is a very sad condition and basically they have destroyed all their relationships so they exist alone in a quagmire of suffering and acting out.
Thank-you for your update, was wondering how you were making out?
I sure can relate to the Wus women, (I don't think there are any here, and please forgive me if there are.) My A's daughter is a great manipulater, had never put gas in her own car till this year (she's 40!) I overheard him telling her to get some rest, (she was tired out from going to a wedding & reception.) Hmmm, funny, he never told ME to get rest when I was on the lobster boat (and sweating in December, in Canada, in a t-shirt)or dragger,and working harder than most of the men!! How 'bout when we were in the woods, and I was pushing down trees that he had cut, but wouldn't fall while he stood there and watched me!! I refuse to use a power saw or would have been doing that too. He and I alone cut,hauled out,piled,he cut up, I split and we re-piled 8-10 chord of wood in 2 winters. That's just a little bit of what I have been doing for 9 years! And he tells HER to get some rest GGGRRRRRR!! I told him I wanted him to adopt me!!
Anywho, I think all of us Alanonics (thanks David, I love that name) are strong people!! We all have to cope with so many things, emotionally as well as physically. Sometimes, we get down, but we always manage to bounce back! Sometimes, we are a 'B', but yes, we are amazing!!
Don't forget, A has his HP too, and though we often may wonder at HP's ways, know that He is doing whatever needs to be done, that He has a plan.
Take care of YOU, my friend, get some rest (heehee, the diff is that I know you really need it!). Praying for you, your critters, and your A, Love Ya, TLC
