The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Sunday was a good day and my sick thinking started to doubt my plans for leaving. ONE GOOD DAY – what’s the matter with me. I doubt my decisions until I am almost incapable of making one? Saturday he was just nasty all morning. In the afternoon I had to go shopping for a birthday present for my son. I looked for 2 hours and finally went home empty handed because I could not make a decision. I projected his reaction to each thing I picked up. I had to go back out Sunday morning and pick up something and rush home to fix the birthday dinner. He must have felt like he won something because he was very nice to me all day. I am so tired of living this way.
Hello Pat , I was told to NOT MISS THE GOOD Days. I missed alot of them thinking about leaving or of what he did yesterday etc. Your right one good day does not make a great future just don't allow your thinking to spoil it for you.
When we see glimpses of hope ( good attitude ) comming for the A I used to question myself too I loved the potential that somewhere in that stranger was the man I married. Continue to make your plans keeping the focus on your needs. just don't plan the outcome. somehow these guys of ours know when we have made a decission and adjust their attitudes accordingly. funny how that works.
I hope u are going to meetings for yourself your going to need support regardless of what u decide to do this is a family disease and we all need to recover not just the A. good luck Louise
I know exactly where you are. You have a great day and you really get your hopes up again. But down it crashes, (you know it will - at least it seems to be the track record for them) and you are so disappointed again.
I can't tell you how many times this year I have said this is it, I am finally leaving. Then I see a glimmer of hope again. How confusing is this? Even after this adulterous thing that is going on, he is being so much nicer and really is feeling bad, and I am thinking maybe I could trust him again, but then the drinking is so bad I don't know if I want to continue living in this hell.
I'm sorry Pat, just trying to let you know you are sure not alone. Thank goodness you are posting and letting it out. I hate their mood changes, too, don't you?
Easy does it there! Don't be so hard on yourself. I can see real growth in you in this short time you've been with us. You're right one good day does not equal a good future. The fact that you know that tells me you're doing fine. Things will get better.
You'll know when the timing is right to put the plan into action. Trust me it comes, sometimes when we least expect it. I suspect that your son realizes you've got a lot going on. He loves you no less. Remember it isn't the actual gift, it's the fact that you remembered and cared enough to do something (unless of course he's a teenager ).
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I think what happens to me whenever there's a "Good Day" is I get expectation thinking. I think also I feel tied up and emotional. Where are all the other good days? Why can't this happen more often? Or, alternatively, Why is this happening now? Why is the boat being rocked?
For me, one of the things my councelor has taught me is that, because one of the basic characteristics of alcholism the family disease is instability, to seek emotionally stable people. People who "work good program" are people who are emotionally stable, she explained, and are people who can help me feel safe, no matter how sober or drunk my father is. So when the "good days" or the "bad days" come, I can feel safe.
Another thing she discussed with me was the possibility of sharing with dad how I felt about his sobriety on the good days. Something to the effect of "Dad, I wish we had more days like this. I enjoy these times together." I chose not to do this--yet--for fear of an explosion. However, each of us has the power of choice.
Lastly, my councelor and I agreed that a regular structure for me was a necessary "evil" to some degree. I structure my life around school, meetings, and water aerobics to keep me in a situation where I have an "honest escape route:" if dad should call, drunk, or pick a fight, drunk, I can honestly say "Dad, I have someplace to be. Why don't we finish this later?"
I can get sucked in by this. The A can say stuff like he wants to "help". Yeah right. I know where his "help" got me.
I am aware these days that one good day is not an indication anything is getting better. He gets better then he goes back ten years or so in getting worse. And I know what's in store.
So I just keep working on plan b. I am glad that you are. There are plans and plans are meant to be worked on...
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