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I need some ESH, advice or opinions here ... I know that is asking alot LOL.
My house has not had any offers, without my A's income for the last 4 months I have not made the last 3 mortgage payments. Without some program from the mortgage company that I can afford while maintaining all of the other living expenses for myself and the house it will go into foreclosure soon.
I have one option I have not even considered until now, my A's retirement plan. It could be cashed in ... my hesitancy comes from these things.
They would only release it to him, normally this would be perfectly correct .... I don't trust I would see any of it.
My A admitted he made the decision to leave his job thinking I would accept and give spousal consent for cashing it in and living on the money for however long it lasted. I am being stubborn, he did not talk to me about this decision and I would not have agreed. I do not like being forced into this position.
As I live in a no fault 50/50 state, my portion of this was to be my start a new life money. Sounds a little greedy but I am being practical here, closing this up and starting anew will take time and some money.
The lawyer, accountant and bank president friend all advised not touching it 2 months ago in hopes that the house would sell quickly. It has not. I can contact them all again but not today and I am worried today.
I checked the court records here, it seems my A has an arrest warrant for not appearing at a court hearing. I don't have a clue what it is all about, just concerned as to how this will effect the divorce and everything else. If he is in jail how do i get papers signed and money matters taken care of?
UGGGGHHH I am feeling overwhelmed.
Has anyone experienced this? Or have any practical ideas?
Just a few things came to my mind, don't know how practical for your situation, but here goes. If you agree to the release of his retirement fund, is it possible to have them wire the funds into a bank account in your name only? Would your husband agree to that? I have a bank account in my name only, with hubby listed as only being able to deposit into it. That way his checks can be direct deposited, but I am the only one able to withdraw any money.
As for the house, are you working with a real estate agent? Did you get comparables of homes that have recently sold near you? I have a real estate license here in California and in my studies for it, I remember reading that the "hot period" for a home to sell is in the first 21 days after it has gone on the market. If you find your home is not selling, there could be several reasons. Is the price too high? Is there any work needing to be done on the house? Does it look attractive outside and inside? Is your agent promoting the home, advertising? It probably wouldn't hurt to have your agent give you their thoughts on your home, or even ask several other real estate agents in your area for their ideas. Even if you have to lower your asking price, that is better than going into foreclosure and having that blemish on your credit record.
No idea on the being able to sign paperwork in jail. Attorney would likely know.
Good luck! Luv, Kis
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Let your light shine in the darkness. "I can't just bring my mind to meetings...I must also bring my heart."
The agent that is selling my mother-in-law's house had an open house just for the other agents so they could push the sale too. Can't hurt to ask your agent if he/she would do that too.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I am sorry to hear that you are in this place. The thing I know about any pension fund is that if the person is under 59 1/2 the tax implications are a lot. Some people borrow against their funds. Maybe that is an option for you. You can take out a loan with that as surety.
I can definite appreciate just how hard it is to disentangle from an A. I am in the process of doing that at the moment. It is such hard work. Everytime I turn around the A has another crisis. I try these days not to be too involved in his life. I also set limits I am not helping out with any of the bills he is supposed to pay. I have paid enough....
A friend of mine said to me recently that I would get a new life. Suddenly that life rather than looking barren and lonely seems rich with possibilty. Try to create a vision of what that will be. I think there is special provisions for people to sign forms when they are in prison. Usually the documents are sent through a duty officer with a s.a.e. or a federal express packet for their return. People in jail do get divorced. They deal with legal matters. The jail has provisions for those outside to get papers in, signed and back out. I don't think it is impossible.
I do also know what it is to work and live around someone who is totally immolating. The A i live with is thousand of dollars in debt. His creditors call day in day out. He is in such denial about this. He feels like he can get a contractors license in a few months. How? He has no credit? Of course these days rather than getting involved I say nothing. I just listen and say nothing.
I used to get absolutely totally over wrought by the A's messes. I used to try to sort them out. I used to rescue and make him feel better. Now I don't say anything. Of course I have had to do a lot of venting. I am not a saint. I have had to go to other people and talk about how I feel till I could bear the feelings. I am angry, sad, furious, enraged, frustrated and most of all tremendously disappointed. I have to remind myself that the A does not care how I feel when I am tempted to tell him. All that matters is his drugs, obviously his life would not be such a mess if it mattered.
yes there are provisions for people to do paperwork in jail.
You can pay a notary to go to the jail also. UPS stores usually have them there.
Find out your options. My mortgage has a dept. called Loan mitigation I believe. They like to work with you. They can redo the loan so the payment is lower, they can take what you owe and divide it up and spread it out for future payments.
they can add it to the end of the loan.sounds like the retirement idea is the best. I liked the getting a loan against that too.
As far as the mortgage, I would find out about how that might affect your selling it. Do you have equity.
If he puts the retirement money into the house, he is not losing anything, it all just goes in half still anyway.
please keep us updated.
Remember at night and in the morn, surrender it to hp. don't think about outcome. we cannot control that. But we can do the steps, make the phone calls. Then take a breath and go on.
do what ya can then let it go and do for you.
love,debilyn who has been where you are, and poorer I am sure and here I am at home. Hp will help if you ask
What about renting your home out until it sells? I knew a few desperate friends who had to do that to avoid foreclosure.
If you live near a college, what about taking in college student borders? This is another idea that I have seen work.
My neighbor runs a business in which she does "staging" to help sell homes.
From what I remember she said to:
1) Get rid of clutter! This makes the home look bigger.
2) Take down all family portraits, children's drawings, etc. your home should look like a "motel room" furnished but impersonal. The buyer needs to PICTURE himself living there when he/she sees the home, and that is hard when you are picturing yourself in someone else's home.
3) Get rid of any excess furniture, again think "hotel suite" they have lots and lots of room and no clutter and no clutterish furnishings. My neighbor says the first step in getting a home ready to sell is having a yard sale and putting lots of furniture in storage if they person can't part with it in a sale.
4) Do any simple home improvements you can, a new paint job you do yourself does not cost a lot, stick to nuetral colors...let the new buyer picture HIS/HER furniture in the rooms.
5) Clean out closets to make them look bigger...rule of thumb is to get rid of half of the clothes in your closet so they appear to have LOTS of room and put them in underbed boxes.
6) Plant flowers in the front and wherever you can and always have fresh flowers at an open house.
7) Buy a frozen applepie and heat it up during the open house (but don't burn it!) to fill the house with delicious aromas...make the house seem cozy and inviting but not really lived in, a hard balance but one to aim for.
8) Find a babysitter for children during an open house (and hopefully get rid of A too!) you don't want to appear stressed, but totally serene and calm...and the buyer will envision a home that invites and facilitates calm.
9) Buy or make a few new pillows to really make things appear fresh and new to perk up old furniture.
10) CLEAN CLEAN CLEAN, there should not be a speck of dust, dirt, grime or cobwebs in a single corner or surface. Rent a carpet cleaner at the grocery store and shampoo the carpets (I know someone who does this professionally who swears by TIDE in the machine!), then shampoo your upholsrty and if you can't then spray with febreze. Again...think CLEAN "motel suite" furnished but impersonal and ready for someone else to move in.
I am sure your agent knows some of this stuff...but most of it is up to you! It takes time, but recruit some friends to help and promise to help them in the future. None of this stuff is really expensive (execept the storage part, but maybe you have a friend who you can store stuff with or sell it if you can't afford to store it). I have done all of thise stuff myself to help family and freinds sell their homes and it usually works...unless the price is to high like others have pointed out.
I am new to this so short on the "E" but wanted to at S & H. I know that when I try to over plan things it never works the way I want. It seems to me what you need most, other than money, is time. Have you considered giving yourself some more time by renting out a room to make your mortgage payment? Maybe there is another woman in the program that is in need of an affordable place and you could offer her a helping hand along with getting your needs met. Be careful though, you are in a space where you must look after your needs first. I would talk to the holder of your mortgage and ask if they could work with you, maybe making interest only payments, then figure out what you can pay on your other bills and write to each explaining the situation. Communication is the key. Most companies and utilities are willing to work with someone who is stepping up to make an offer. They don't want to loose it all by your going under.
I hate finances and would do most anything if I could just hand my check to someone else to manage. But I have learned the hard way, waiting is not in my best interest. It usually cost me much more in the long run. Best of luck.
This is not advice. Take what you like and leave the rest. Only you know your situation. Before cashing in the retirement consider a few things.
1) Do you have more equity in the house than the total amount of the retirement account? For example if you have 50 thousand in equity that you could receive from the sale of the house, vs 20 thousand in the retirement account it could be something to consider. If it is the reverse and you cash in the retirement for 50 thousand paying early w/ drawl fees, taxes etc. and use it to catch up on the mortgage and you can stay in the house for 6 -12 more months and it does sell you've spent the 50 thousand to save 20 thousand.
2) Why are you opposed to losing the house? Write down why you want to stay in the house. There are truely worse things than a forclosure, as difficult as they are.
3) If you are considering divorce, part of the retirement could be yours, just as part of the income from the sale of the home. Should you divorce, you could receive a portion of the retirment to either cash out yourself or roll over to continue earning for your retirement.
4) If you are concerned about your credit, consider reducing the house to just cover your costs. This may help you sell it, though you wont come away w/ any $, it could get you out from under the burden of forclosure.
Sometimes our will gets in the way of what HP wants for us--our desire to try to work out what we think is best for the situation. Take time to really ask for direction on this. It could be that, as difficult as this is to go thru, what is to come could be so much better if you can find the strength to let go and let HP handle it.
Don't know if you would even consider this but....
years ago when my hubby has his own business that went under we could no longer make our large housepayment. We also were facing foreclosure. We had a brand new car which we turned into the company because we just could not make the payments. We wanted to "surrender" it rather than having it "repossessed". We put our house on the market and it was not a seller's market at the time. We filed bankruptcy...a chapter 11 or 13. I cannot remember but it was the reorganization one. After we sold our house for the amount we owed on it we got right our of bankruptcy. It just protected us from a foreclosure. It only took us a few years to get our credit in good standing again. It was a very stressful time in both of our lives but we do not regret doing it.
If I were in your position, I would consult the professionals again. This way they can re-asses the situation, and perhaps give you new insight into your path.
