The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am starting a list in my head. I will transfer it to paper soon. A list of things I want to do....some on a regular basis. Ya know, like go to the movies, out to dinner, drives to the ocean, things I use to do with my A. Things we use to enjoy together. However now my list doesn't include him. He is pulling farther and father away. He has really started to have his own agenda.
My other goal is to print all of my posting off of here. I found that I can look them up under my name. I am excited, as I am going to go back and see how much progress I have made. I am hoping it is a lot. The reading for me today was about knowing when the time is right. I am unhappy, I know that I am in control of my happiness, I also know that I don't "have" to have people in my life that infringe on my happiness. My A does that, he has done it for a very long time.
Lists are great! I have two lists that I started last year in my 4th step notebook. These are really simple lists but when my AHsober moved out I realized that I was one my own and that things had really changed. One list is people who have helped me and the other is my accomplishments. People who have helped me include strangers who held my place in line and friends who came to my house to do repairs (things my H use to do). My accomplishments include those that I have had to walk through my fear to get to like understanding my finances to hooking up the dish when all the wires fall off the black box. I have always had the "things to do" list that I too use to do with my H. I had to ask myself did I still want to do those things by myself or call a friend. Yes, I still want to take a hike, go for a drive when the leaves turn colors, discover a new restaurant. So I do those things, cry a little because my H doesn't want to share those with my anymore, and nab someone to take my picture. Keep adding to your list.
Good for you Mary. I just did that very thing over the weekend. I printed out an online journal that I was keeping and read over it. What I found was that I was basically in the same situation that I was in when I started the journal. Instead of looking at it in a negative way I decided that I was going to use it as a tool toward my recovery. Nothing changes if nothing changes and for the first time I was able to see that in a whole new light. I am excited about moving forward in my recovery. I too plan on making a list of things that I want to do and things I want to change and get busy doing them. I wish you the best of luck in your recovery.
Nothing changes if nothing changes. I LOVE that line! The day I started doing things for me, was when my whole life turned around.
I guess when I started doing things on my own, and enjoying them, he kinda woke up too. Instead of me harping at him, and obscessing about his drinking, I'd come home with a smile on my face. I became a much happier person, and really didn't care if he drank or not, I was going to have a full life with or without him. It was at that time, that he cut way back on drinking too, on his own.
I had always had low self-esteme, and began to have confidence in myself. I liked this person I was becoming, and low and behold, so did he!
Sooo many things have changed in my life since then. I am living where I want to live, doing what I want to do.. We are still together, and although we both slip once in awhile, my life is sooo much better.
Good for you!! When I realized that the only thing I could change was myself, my life turned around. I always did whatever he wanted to do. I used to joke about the secret to a happy marriage was:" One day you did what he wanted to do, the next day, he'd do what he wanted to do!" Trouble is - it wasn't funny! Keep up the good work, Love TLC
I was happy to find my "archives" too as I have made such long posts... I copied each one into a word file, cd it Index of Kitty's posts & they have the links, so if I'm connected I can just look them up that way. It is amazing to see the growth... this time last yr I wa ranting about the anger & guilt I had over the feelings I had tied in w/ my parents.
This yr hasn't been any easier but I'm doing better & I'm sure you'll see you have come a long way too. You have certainly written some powerful & wonderful thoughts to me, inspirational ~ and I appreciate it.
Love, -KoL
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
