The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have had a couple of rough days and need to vent a little....first of all my car broke down, oh shat, and it's a mojor problem...money....I have a final interview for one he jobs I applied for and who knows...so, I need my car.......I am praying the shift is a good one.....a job I applied for last week was the 4-12 shift and with two teens that would not be a good shift.....I would never see my kids, let alone know if they were behaving :)...have to keep a close eye on those kids....
Hubby is a teenager himself who will never grow the hell up....for 4 months now he has been off of work.....and the addiction is going to beat him....he's a little boy who does not have the power to get well......yesterday my son had his first high school football game...so we went....hub was in the parking lot with a friend drinking a beer....how pittyful is that....I am angry about where he did that.....I am so tired of the embarrasment of this disease, and him.....I can't stand it......bye the way Zach only got in for 3 plays (he is a freshman) but, he saked the quarterback..so that was awesome, he looks so small out there with those seniors......my thinking was why could not his dad give him the attention instead of the disease.....that is just sick...
Financially we are at the end of the road, disability and my income are just not getting it....I know he will be back to work on Monday....but will he stay sober long enough to get us out of this damn hole we are in......he can work a ton of overtime and we can get out fast...but.....will he????? That is on him, so I have decided I can do something about that....and I am trying....job hunting....I know, I have to take care of me and the kids...that is my responsibility....and my job in life are my children....
So, trying to maintain my sanity has been difficult, I have had some bad moments these last few days.....the good news is I do have my sanity most of the time.....I am trying to stay positive.....Maybe this job will work out on Tuesday....whatever happens I am gonna try hard to keep my sanity.......I have decided that I need a job that I will enjoy, not just a job to make money.....I need to be here for my kids in the evening and I want to........so thanks for listening....I feel better now
(((Andrea)))) Wow, I know how much it hurts when this disease hurts our babies! The claws and teeth come out. Grrr.
Congrats to your Zach! Way to go, guy! And good for you to be there cheering him on....they are only young once, and before you turn around, they are gone. Enjoy this time with your kids, these are the days they will remember. He will remember that Mom was in the stands yelling her lungs out. That is cool.
Take care of yourself, Andrea, you are doing a great job! Keep up the good work! You got a lot on your shoulders right now, so anytime you need to let it out, come in here, we'll listen. I know I about wore this site out a few months ago. It helps to vent.
Will keep you in my prayers about $$$. It can sure be frustrating and scarey, but just do your best, that's all you can do.
Andrea: how happy I am that you are interviewing and making choices for you. The A has always landed us in many many financial crises. He blames them all on me of course. I have a long hard road in untangling all the financial mess he gets into. I have given up trying to steer him on any course that is sane. He is insane with this illness I know that much.
Its funny I had a woman today come in to the hotel where I work at clearly mentally ill. She is so obviously ill. I think sometimes I cannot see the A's sickness but I definitely feel it in me. I get very very angry and very very upset about some of his actions. I detached for a long long time then he started to do stuff again that hurt me terribly. And he denied it. He always denies or projects that is about all he does. There is no sense of personal responsibility there. I think that may be the unique A trait they take responsibility for nothing. NOTHING!
I am so thrilled for you that you are looking at income and independence. The truck is a huge issue for me. I am going into debt over it and I am sad about that. I do not need more debt but transportation is an issue for many of us. I can get out of debt at some point just as I think of getting out of this relationship as one step at a time thing. I took 6 years in it. I gave it a real shot. The A has decided to go on being an A and that is his choice. He has a choice about it and he chooses it actively day in day out. I choose not to be in it. And I have to take one step at a time out.
I have been so far down with this I felt like I would never get up. I have watched you deal with frustration, anger, despair and rage. And I have watched you get up and take care of yourself. I am glad that you feel fiercely protective of your children. I know you can use that emotion to carry you through whatever is up next.
You said you are having a tough time but just want to tell you that I see alot of growth in your post. You have job prospects and you are enjoying your kids. You are doing great girlfriend! Keep working that program and things will come together in hp's time.
Dearest friend of mine. Can I just tell you how jealous I am of you. You've known sanity! I never have!
You carry a lot of weight on those shoulders. But you have grown stronger every day and have taught me so much. You are my herione. I know you can carry on no matter what. The family has all of our fingers, toes, legs, arms and 1 tail crossed for you. I hope you find the job you want. Finding one you love is so important. Anybody would be lucky to have you.
Woohoo for Zach! The Steelers could have used him last night! (Yeah, I know it's only preseason.) I wish his Dad could be there for him. But we're rooting for him up here, despite being Eagle fans.
Sending extra love, prayers and strength to you and your family. We're here for you. Love ya!
Live strong,
Karilynn, Hubby & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
