The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
She told me last week, and did a month ago, that when she goes to college [she's only 18] she's not so sure she wants to be sober any more.
Her roomate is in AA also, and sober now.
I'm worried as hell. Can someone in AA drink casually? Get drunk once in awhile?
The day we got together, I quit drinking [and had only socially] because I wanted to be a positive influence in her life. She misses the party lifestyle and the getting drunk. To make her happy, I'm throwing her a dry party.
She hates the Sunday meetings because you have to go up and talk in front of everyone. The Tuesday meetings are better, but she's not sure she wants to go because she may start drinking again. Also, she won't have a car.
Can I drive her to her Tuesday meetings? I'm getting another job and told them in advance I can only work during the day on Tuesdays, in case I were able to drive her there and if she wanted me to [could I?] attend with her.
What do you guys/girls think?
Am I doing well? Any advice?
Please tell me everything you can. More resources to turn to etc.
Hello Marv , it's an alcoholics dream to be able to drink socially but i am told it is impossible .
She sounds like she is working her steps backwards and soon will be at step NONE and back in the drinking. It's not your job to keep her sober or to get her to a meeting , to risk a new job to see that she gets there is not fair to you . If she wants a meeting she will find away to get there.
Going to her meetings with her is great as long as your not going to make sure she stays sober but because u enjoy them . Perhaps a better idea would be to drop her off at AA and seek out an Al-Anon meeting for yourself . good luck Louise
A relationship is a 50-50 proposition, so of course you are tuned into her needs. There is nothing wrong with that. I think you are doing a great job of being supportive. I don't see you as an enabler, and hooray for you for giving her a dry party. Just remember, if she becomes drunk again, it is not your fault. You didn't cause this, and you cannot control it. Certainly you can drive her to her meetings if you want to do that, and you can go with her if both of you agree. It may not be your job to keep her sober and go to meetings with her, but I detect a great affection in your post, so I will not be the one who tells you to pay less attention to her needs. Nonsense! *rolling eyes* But remember your needs too. Alcoholics do not drink socially. They are addicts, and one drink can trigger years of despair for you and her.
I send you my very best wishes, and an invitation to come back often.
Diva
-- Edited by Diva at 22:50, 2006-08-25
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Welcome to MIP. In my opinion I do not believe that an alcoholic can drink socially. I have talked to alcoholics (including my husband) and they have said that they don't know of any who can.
If she doesn't like the Sunday meeting, she can change it. I have never heard of a group where they make you talk. Alot of the AA meetings I have been too, I have heard other addicts say "I think I'll just listen today." I like going to AA meetings with mu husband because I gain a perspective that I don't have, not being an addict. Remarkably yetserday, hubby and I were having "one of those days". We decided to go to a meeting because we were getting on each other's nerves! lol Neither of us we're really into it, but we had nothing to loose. The topic of the meeting was perfect for us both. I got just as much out of it, as he did.
The bottom when it comes to the addict is this: An addict is going to do what an addict is going to do, sober or not. There's nothing you can do about it.
I do believe that you are being supportive. There is only so much that we can do for our As. Their sobriety is up to them. No one can do it for them. No one is responsible for their recovery, except them.
I always tell newbies to the board this: You must not loose yourself in their disease. You recovery has to be about you, regardless if they choose sobriety or not. Please find some meetings of your own or join us here. You're always welcome. Keep coming back to us.
Live strong,
Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
