The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Mid July I asked my H if he loved me enough to let me go. I felt so tired and worn out from constantly taking care of him and picking up the messes he makes outta life. He said yes and we began the plan for him to get his own place. Ever since, things have for the most part been going great for us. There is still at least once each day that he does something small that reminds me why I made this decision. He's due to move out Sept 1st and I'm finding that as the date gets closer I feel like "chickening out" as someone mentioned in an earlier post. A part of me wants to say I'm sorry and beg him to stay. Then there's a part of me that also knows that this is what is best for us. We have been together since I was 17 and he 19. Neither of us has lived on our own. We've talked that after his year lease is up on the apartment we can reevaluate and maybe move back in together. We have also agreed that we can "date" each other which will possibly save our marriage in itself. One of my main breaking points though was that our SL sucked. It wasn't nonexistent...just not good. And since telling him I want out...it's been great again. Why now? I felt like he was holding that part of our marriage hostage as a punishment to me.....and now I'm not being punished? I am very confused...and my feelings change from moment to moment. I am trying to be strong and do what is best for me and my family. I really feel at this point that I need to follow through, mainly because the kids and family have all been notified and to back out now will just confuse them further. We did this routine about a year and a half ago and didn't follow through. I feel they are all looking forward to our separation...looking forward to less chaos. There...I've done my mental release for the day!.....thanks for listening/reading.
I found for me that I don't like "sitting with uncomfortableness" and that often led to quick decisions not made with my right mind.
Remember Just For Today, Just for Today it seems that you are making the right decision for you. Remember you have choices. Remember that if new information becomes available you can change your mind. Don't feel locked in.
I found for myself that the gift of desperation often leads to recovery -- not only for the A's and Alanoners in my life but for me too. I found that when I finally got sick and tired of being sick and tired, did I make the change.
I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you that when I lived in the moment and did not let fear (which can be mind-altering) rule me, I was able to make the right decisions for me.
Keep coming, Maria123
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
When I was making major life changes the 2 things that made the biggest differences in my life, hands down, was a sponsor (who I hung onto like white on rice) and my councelor (who could point out where my actions were affirmative for my life, and where to watch out for possible problems). I hope this helps.
Boy does this sound familiar!! - My life was like this merry-go-round - I would threaten to leave - even leave for a few days because of the alcohol/drug abuse - AH would sober up - beg me to come back home. Agree to work on our relationship, etc. try to stay straight for a time period and things would get better. And I would begin to get that hope again - that maybe this time, it would work - maybe this time it would last longer than a month or so - Well, it never did - Because if nothing changes, nothing changes - Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results - that was the insanity and denial that we lived in for over 10 years.
I did finally reach my bottom and did finally have my AH leave for good - actually had him committed for treatment (not for him to get help - that was the only way I could get him out of our home) - We spent the next 15 months living apart. It was the best thing that could have ever happened to us. Not everyone's story ends like ours did - we were able to save our marriage and move back in together - we just recently celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary by going to AA & Al-Anon meetings. (3 plus yrs in recovery) But something had to change or we were going to keep getting the same thing over and over and over again.
I don't know if you need to follow through with the seperation or not - only you and your HP can know what is right for you. Seek direction and guidance from whomever you choose to call your Higher Power - Ask what is His will for your life - What is the Healthiest path for you and your immediate family? I'm sure your HP will lead you - and remember no matter what we are here for you & You will be ok - together you and your HP will be even better than OK!!
One Day at a Time,
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
Thank you so much everyone for your input. It's great knowing you are here. I plan to do a lot more thinking. Wish I had more time to read and share tonite...but the storms are going to send me away from the computer earlier than I expected!!! Again, thanks and please keep my family in your prayers.
