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so i left my a a month and a half ago or longer. im happy and know in my heart i dont want to be with him. and that i deserve so much more. but right now my serenity is being destroyed. he is seriously mentally ill right now and telling me he is going to kill himself. i know most of you will tell me that lots of people threaten for manipulation and such and usually dont do it but my feelings are that he is dead serious. i just dont know what to do with this. i cant carry all this weight. i know im powerless over it but it hurts so much to think of if he really did it. i told him i will not be with him romantically but i said i would stand by through support and as a friend as i know what the feelings of suicide feel like. i would have done it last year, ive been at that point. but this program got me better. i am not taking this situation lightly in anyway. if anyone has been through this please relpy, i really need support right now.
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stay in the now...dont look forward, dont look back....your life is what you make of it
I am sorry you are in this position and in pain. It is true that it may be manipulation. It could also be true. I was recently in the same position. this is what I learned from it. After calling a crisis hotline, my 3 choices were to ask him to go to an appointment with the hotline to see what help is available, call the police who will take him in for evaluation, or leave it in HP's hands.
My A was willing to go to the Crisis center but refused the offer of detox followed by evaluation and placement in whatever facility was decided upon. Since then there has been no more mention of suicide.
For me in the future, I decided that if suicide threats were made again I will call the police. Reason 1 is because it will be best for me, the confusion and stress caused by his talking of ending his life is not healthy for me. Reason 2 is because I am not qualified to judge whether or not it is an honest cry for help. Reason 3 At this point with the insane behavior I have seen from my A I am not sure he is qualified to decide for himself what is in his best interests.
i have also made a list of phone nymbers he can use at any time, or I can if needed for myself of AA, Alanon, Crisis Hotline, nonemergency police, and therapists from the past. It's taped next to the phone. Help is only a few numbers away.
Not sure if this helps any, you are in my thoughts and prayers.
my a said he was going to kill himself. i believed him and we were not living together so, i called the police and they had to take him to the psych hospital for an eval. and a 72 hour hold. i did this twice for my a. because the first time i didn't really believe he would do it. but i also didn't know what drugs he was doing. the second time he overdosed and was close to dead by the time the ambulance got there. so, if the a is saying it just for manipultion, or attention then call the police! that way you can feel ok that he's getting the help he needs. and someday when he gets well he will thank you for caring and listening. good luck and much love
The sad fact of the situation you are in is you are powerless....If you walk away and he does it how do you live withyourself???....If you stay and he does't how do you live with yourself???....
I have lived thru much living with an A....maybe try and get him some help...and then you can satisfy yourself knowing you tried to help....
Hang in there be strong....Most of all take care of you dear friend....remember we have no control over them....only ourselves....odat...sometimes one minute at a time....
I have to agree with the others - if you feel there is a chance he is serious, then treat it seriously, and call police. He will be evaluated, and maybe get the treatment he needs. If he is doing this in order to manipulate you, this would probably put a stop to that behaviour.
I'm changing my thinking on this, after spending some time here. My husband used to threaten suicide fairly regualrly, and my only response was to worry about it and hope he didn't do it. I now see how useless that was - if I had had the courage to act on it, I wonder what might have changed...
It is my experience that whenever someone is threatening to commit suicide--no matter what their motive--it is always best to let professionals be involved. In your case, love, this would be the police. The police would come, talk with him, and if they feel he is of imminent threat to him self, take him to a hospital.
Please remember this dear: *You are not responsible for this man's stability. You are responsible for your own.*
As cold as this might sound, the saying still holds true, whether you are talking using, drinking, adultery, or even suicide.....
He's either gonna do "X", or he won't..... what are YOU gonna do?
You really have no more control or influence over whether he commits suicide than you do over whether he uses...... It may be a threat looking for sympathy, or he may be serious.... either way, you are powerless over his decision on that...
Take care of you
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
