((((((((((((Family)))))))))),

Well this Saturday is hubby's 47th birthday.    This week will also mark his 90 day + sobriety. 

I can't believe that 3 months has passed since he was in ICU and I was preparing myself to the possibility of saying good bye to him.  Those first few weeks were the most frightening I have ever been through.  I couldn't have made it through without all of you.  When I needed you the most, you were there for me at all hours of the day and night.  From the bottom of my heart, I thank you for all the love, support and prayers that you sent. You are an exceptional group of people.

There have been moments when I was scared that he would pick up a drink.  There still are, especially at this 3 month mark.  He has a habit of relapsing at this point in his recovery.  So I'm still holding my breath, but using my Alanon tools to keep me sane (is that possible?).  I say the Serenity Prayer daily.  Remember to take it ODAT.  I especially remember Step 1.  I know that heaven forbid he relapses, I can make the right choices for me.  I am strong enough to handle it.

It's ironic in one way that hubby has taught me so much about working the steps.  He reminds me to live them rather than work them.  He has a home group in which they only work Step 1.  He says he chose that group as a reminder that he is truly powerless.  I do not attend that meeting with him, as that is his special group where he can really open up completely if he wants to.  We go to a noon meeting, and that is where we will get his 90 coin this week. Going to AA meetings has helped me gain perspective into his battle that I never would have had.  We still do our daily readings together, although sometimes we have to play catch up with them due to our schedules.  I have learned that I don't need to know everything about his recovery.  I don't need or want to know how many meetings he goes to.  After all he doesn't ask me how many meetings I attend.  A big thank you to Abbyal for reminding me to stay out of his recovery.  That was a moment for me.  Hubby has taught me to never, never give up.  Somehow, some way he finds a way to keep trying.  I don't think I would have it in me to fight an addiction.  I can fight a good fight, but not like that.  He's my hero. But then his Dad (who is the best father-in-law) has 36 years sobriety this November.  Must run in the family.   

It hasn't been a bed of roses these past few months.  Living with a recovering alcoholic can be just as difficult as living with an active alcoholic.  I am finding myself clinging to my program more than ever. The dynamics of a marriage change as the people do.  Slowly but surely we are finding our way.  I have no idea what the future holds for us. I try not to project that far.  I am just grateful beyond words for the moments we have together.  He also has some physical issues that are a result of his seizures when they released him too early. We need to make a decision on the lawsuit as well.  Do we go foward because we know the hospital was at fault and it's the right thing to do? Or do we say lets get on with our lives and put the past behind us? Have to pray on that one a bit more.

I am very proud of my husband for hanging in there.  I love him more than life itself.  To hear him talk to Pipers Kitty in the morning when he gets up melts my .  So much better than hearing the sound of a beer can opening up. (I cringe when I hear that sound even if it's soda.)  He is making amends with his family, and repairing the damage that was done from years of abuse from his Mom and exwife.  He is relishing in being a grandfather (mind you a very young grandfather lol). He is working his program and doing his mental health work as well.  He's got some big issues out there to deal with.  I can't do it for him. I can only work on me.  Not an easy thing either.  Working and living the steps can be so hard sometimes, that I have to remember to take a break and give myself a break. 

No big plans for Saturday as of yet.  We will probably go and watch my niece run a in 5K, and then spend the rest of the day fishing and maybe having a picnic.  My birthday present to him, is not to drag him to the Chris Thater Pro Cycling Bike Race.  He put with me watching the Tour de France and that was enough!

When all of you sent love and prayers not only to me but to him, he was stunned by that.  How could a bunch of people on the internet pray for us?  Why would they? They are total strangers.  When one sweet person (you know who you are) sent us flowers and candy, that totally blew him out of the water.  I told him, that there are no strangers in recovery.  Like his AA group, we are all family.  Put on this earth to help each other, love each other and be good to each other.  Just because we do it over the internet makes no difference.  They don't call this place Miracles in Progress for nothing.

I can't say thank you enough for everything you have done for me and my family.  The love and support has seen me through.  I can only hope some day to do the same for all of you.  Much love and blessings to all of you out there.  You are my lifeline and I am honored to know you and call you family.

Love and blessings to all of you.  Never give up on your loved ones.  But more importantly, never give up on yourself.

Live strong,

Karilynn, Hubby & Pipers Kitty