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Well my AH has picked up again, he was sneaking it here and sneaking it there maintaining but "crashed" yesterday. He picked me up at my job half loaded. It was noticable. Today I come home and the bathroom is trashed, towel rack out of the wall, shower curtains pulled down, urine everywhere, and a stack of urine soaked clothes. Bedroom lamp is smashed, and he was lying naked across the bed(urine soaked the bed too).
Is that the worst-no. As some might remember other posts that I never leave my son (9) with him alone. This morning I told A (he was sober) that my 18 year old daughter could not watch son, he would be watching him. Basically, just to test him out. My daughter was available. He said no problem, we're going to have a great day. The above is how AH spent the day. My daughter took my son to her boyfriends house to swim. AAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What am I thinking. I can never have a "normal" life with this man. His normal days are over. He is sick,sick, sick. And I am getting sicker too. Who the #$ll "tests" out an alcoholic?? Only a sickie!! Even if if sobers up tonite and never drinks again, I will never trust him. Ever. I keep making excuses, you know the ones"but when he is sober he is the man I love, he can get back to that". #*ull/ #*it. It's over. This is who he is. This alocholic, diseased man. To top it off, he finally got a job. He was supposed to call to find out when he can start. He hasn't. I want to get a full time job but am putting it off b/c I feel if I do, he will not get a job. Plus I can't get a babysitter to the house with a drunk stumbling around ( my daughters go back to college nxt week).
Blah, blah, blah. My program is in the toilet today.
Hi evey, This really is sad. I hope you don't clean up after him.
Please do not be hard on yourself! We can get mixed up, have hopes that are dashed, dreams ruined.
The important thing is we get right back on program if we go off our path.
We are not robots, we are not perfect. I notice I can easily get into love and home and my mate, only to be dashed and realize, what a fool I was. The disease got me again.
So I just get back on my own path.
Yes your A is horribly sick. How awful to lay there like that and you see it.
Myself, He would have to leave or I would. I could not cont. to live with that behavior, plus allowing it, makes it easy for the A disease to continue.
I want to make the disease as unhappy as possible.
Do you have a sponsor? I am not sure if it is your house or his. If it were me, either way I would get my own place, job and childcare.
Well my main goal here is I for one believe you are doing fine. You realized your step off your path, you did not drop a rock on his head, and you came here!
I am so sad he is so sick, which inturn makes it so hard on the family.
Thanks Debilyn, I've calmed down. Took kids to dinner. No, I do not clean up after him. I have extended him and his disease every courtesy and opportunity to get better. I am done. I let my guard down and got burned. What else is new!
We have two levels to our house so we will be down stairs, away from him for now. I have keys to my cousins if need be. I do have a plan B but it is more like a plan A & a 1/2 at the moment.
If I decide to leave or he agrees to leave, that will be it. We will divorce. I cannot play the back and forth game. No good for anyone. My biggest fear is child visitation rights. He can pull off a great line bull crap and he' convincing.The thought of him having my son alone puts ice water in my veins.
Hi Evey, You have a tough row to hoe. If you’re concerned about the child custody arrangements, why not start now documenting what happens? Do you have a camera with the date feature on it? You can also get an inexpensive audio cassette recorder, and can capture the devestation of his disease. You can do this without putting your son in danger, too. That way it will be clear what kind of a situation your son would be in if he had to go with his dad alone. We all know you’ll have many “photo opportunities” between now and when you might need them. ---Jill
