The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello dear friends on the journey to health and sanity
I've been working step 4 with a new temporary sponsor. I'm not totally comfortable with the way we are working it and am looking for others ESH so I can think about it honestly and see if I'm the problem or if its we don't fit.
I worked my 4th step using the Blueprint for Progress, Al-Anon 4th step inventory workbook. I met with my sponsor once a week (give or take) and went through it with her in sections. By sharing my answers with her, I was working my 5th step as well.
I enjoyed using the workbook--it certainly got me thinking about things that I don't think I would have come up with on my own. That being said, the next time I do a 4th step (yes, I know there will be another one...), I would like to try it the way it is laid out in the Big Book of AA so that I can, hopefully, gain another perspective.
Good luck with your step-work!!
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Do not be anxious about tomorrow; tomorrow will look after itself. The Bible, from Courage to Change, p.138
The discription for the process is "...search, fearless and moral" I don't know of anyone who was completely comfortable with the step 4 process. It is not a usual life process for normies or people who think they are perfect. All new things have a feature of being "uncomfortable" so you are in the right place. Hope the uncomfortableness is not about your temp sponsor? Trust will temper it if that is the problem. I had to trust the sponsors I worked this step with. I have done 6 of them because each subsequent one was more searching and more fearless and more moral. I came to the tap root of all of my defects and that is what I have worked on ever since finding it.
I looked up the meanings of "searching" "fearless" and "moral"; I have done the 4th step booklet just as SLS and its a good one. I have done parts of mine in 4th step subject meetings, I have done the Al-Anon "split page" 4th and found it more healthy. (fold the page down the middle, write "good" over the left column and "bad" over the right and then list all of those characteristics below. Its gotta be searching because I had to really know who I was and what I was doing with what I found out.
I had to pray before doing the 4th for guideance and protection and acceptance. After all I was not only doing this with my sponsor I was also revealing to my HP that I was coming to know a person that HP knew better than me and found no reason not to love. In the end I was to come to love myself the same way.
When you get uncomfortable...take a break and then come back. When you feel uncomfortable continue to reach out for reinforcement just as you have here (...a display of courage, and might go on the left side of the sheet). When you feel uncomfortable tell your HP that you feel this way and that you need to go on anyway, "sit with me while I do this" is what I asked my HP to do. HP did. Uncomfortable may be a feeling; emotional or physical. It is not a good reason to not do it.
You will just love the person you end up discovering. I am glad for your inquisitiveness, courage, persistence and humility.
Would like to hear how it turns out for you if you decide to share it. Your confidentiality is of utmost importance of course!!
I tried using both the old version and the new version of blue prints for progress, but had the most success with a 4th step guide which asks 70 some odd questions about your life. It is based on the 4th step guidelines found in the AA Big Book. It was a very thorough process and really seemed to click for me.
If you would be interested in looking at it, pm your email address to me and I will be happy to send you a copy.
