The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
That saying or slogan to me has changed meanings in so many ways over the years. First things First was always something that came before me. I gave my attention and time to so many other things and people before I even considered myself. There were pockets of time that I "really took care of me", but then I slip back into old habits of giving my attention to other people, situations, or things. One of my very best friends once said, " I wish I could be like you, I wish I could spend time with myself and be o.k. with it". I did spend a great deal of time on my own when i was single. Not always by choice. I struggled with meeting new people. I went out with friends, but I really didn't connect that much. There was always a fear there or being rejected. Being in Alanon and working the steps is showing me that First things First is about assessing where I am with a problem, person, or thing in my life. First I must take care of me and meet my needs before I can give any attention or quality time to family, friends, my job, a project, etc. I allowed my physical, mental, and emotional energy to be depleted so far down that it took all the energy I had left to get up in the morning, shower, feed everyone including myself and get to work. I was just a shell of a person, not really enjoying anything in my life.
Today I'm eating better, giving myself some relaxation time, I regroup for a mental check at least once a day. Devote time to my steps and program, I give more consistent quality time to my kids and partner. I'm meeting new people again and going back out again doing things that I once loved. I think some of it is the sobriety of my partner but most of it is me. I've changed my perspective, I've given "time" to look at myself and why I'm was not happy. I still have some hurtles to climb over but I feel much more confident today that I can do this.
It works if you work it.... nothing short of hard work. Hope everyone has a great day.
Hugs,
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
In the heat of everything else that is going on, taking care of me is always last on my list as well. I never considered it being the hero or anything, I just never felt I needed as much attention as everyone else.
That was until I thought a nice clean white room with padded walls was looking pretty good. LOL
I am doing a little better, but that is a hard change for me. Things I can do for me now that have no effect on anyone else are easier and I am doing those more these days. The things I have taught others I don't deserve are harder, because my serenity is fairly fragile still and I don't want anyone throwing rocks at it. If that makes any sense.
I am so encouraged by your strength. I am so happy to hear you are taking care of you, so you can be there for those babies. They have a great Mom!
Take care of you.
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Last night at my f2f, we had a great meeting about tradition 8 and from one of the questions on tradition 8 in the Paths to Recovery book, someone had a great share on self-care and when I read your post it reminded me of the share last night.
As a mom, wife, and employee, how can I do the best job I can if I continue to out myself last? I can't. Sooner or later I will burn out or flip out.
You're right, putting my needs first is something I need to do, taking care of me helps me take care of my family.
Thanks for your post.
Yours in recovery,
Dolphin123
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
I can definitely find life very wearying. Last week I went to the doctor to get some medication for an infection I knew I had for a month. Self care is tremendously difficult for me. Thank you for reminding me it can be done.
I love the slogan first things first, and I use it a lot myself. I find the slogan especially useful when I've gotten myself all worked up over something. First things first helps me put order in my day and priortize what's important. First things first works well, too, with the slogan Take care of yourself FIRST. I find that when I use these slogans as a mantra before every decision, every decision I make throughout the day becames an act of self care. For example, if I am on campus and only have campus eateries to choose from Take care of myself first helps me choose the healthiest choice available. This fall, I plan to use the slogan to help me get up earlier before work to workout. I am finding giving to myself first empowering and it enables me to then give to others in ways that truly is a gift.
