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Well, I did a lot of thinking lately. And ya know, it all came back to one thing.
Every time my A has hit the bottle this Summer, was when MY family was here. My kids are well brought up, mannerly, kind and loving.They are not monsters that would 'drive a man to drink'!! Therefore, I have come to the conclusion that he is jealous of them and the loving relationship I have with them. He does not want to share me with them. I told him there is no way in H*ll I will give up my family for him!!
I have isolated myself so much since we have been together, that I have no-one to talk to any more.('cept you wonderful friends out here in cyber-space). The very same thing happens EVERY year when my friend from Ma comes up to her cottage. I know she is sick of all the drama, so am I!! So I probably won't see much of her any more when she's up. He is in my bed, and I'm still so hurt and angry at him, I will be sleeping on the coach. NOT FAIR! But I don't want him near me in any way. I don't even want to breathe the same air.
Guess you can tell I'm still really angry. I did go out and do something for myself. Got a pizza, chocolate bar and a diet(heehee) Coke, then went to the $ store and got myself some craft stuff that I'll probably never use. I think my blood-pressure went down for about 10 mins., but I got away from him. He may be sober, but I still see the monster in there.
My daughter called me from her friend's place to tell me she is pregnant! I am really thrilled for her. The monster even managed to take the shine off of that absolutely wonderful news.They say there is a fine line between love and hate. I can certainly relate to that! Now, I have to paste a smile on my face when daughter gets back, and for her sake, pretend there's nothing wrong. It makes me so angry that what he has done has taken the shine off of her news. Thanks again my friends, for being there for me and your kind words.Love, TLC
Oh my gosh TLC, I had the same thing! The A hated my kids. He had been sober 27 days when my son's father called and told me to come get my son as he didn't want the *&(&^% in the house anymore. This was late on a Tuesday in March. I turned to The A and asked if it was ok that my son come live with us until the end of July (when school was over). He said absolutely. I reiterated my question, same reply but he then added, "I'll drive you" as my son is 3 hours from me. We picked him up on Wednesday morning. I noticed an immediate change in the A. We had to rearrange furniture so that my son could have a room. This pissed him off no end! Two days later, on Friday, he bought a cheap bottle of Vodka (his drink of choice is Rum, good Rum but as we had no money, he had been out of work for 2 years at this point, he bought what we could afford), got roaring drunk, pulled his gun and threated to kill us then himself. I called his sponsor who advised me NOT to call the police as this would really make him angry! Geez! Worst advise I could have been given. From that day forward our marriage was doomed. He terrorized my son. Would go into his room at night (drunk) and just stand and stare at him. Then when we started blocking the door, he would urinate on the door. Disgusting. He made me make a choice. Him or my son. I made the choice once and I chose him. NEVER AGAIN! This time it was a no brainer. If the world didn't revolve around him then it was not acceptable. Where we have enough love to give equally all around, the alcoholic has no concept of this. It's all about them. To them there can only be room for their wants, their needs. I understand what you're going through. They're you're children. Period! Celebrate you're daughter's pregnancy! A Grandma! How cool is that? Don't let him take this from you! Don't react by harming yourself with junk food (Hey, I'm a personal trainer ). Don't engage him when he makes you feel bad. Your kids are #1, you are #1. He'll survive. You need to thrive! Good luck to you TLC and, again, congratulations!
I can identify with this totally. I have two sons. My eldest is from a previous relationship.In the beginning he was very nice to my son, otherwise I would never have gone out with him. Over the past fifteen years I have noticed that he cut Harry down whenever he thought he could get away with it, never treated both boys equally and was jealous of my love for my sons. I now think that his disease does this to him, but I wonder just how much control he has over it as he is able to love his natural son. In any case I am suspicious about how genuine his feelings can be over anything as it changes according to what he wants for himself. I have begun to live a separate life and I refuse to let his opinion of my children affect me any longer. His opinion is none of my business. I have read this and seen it posted and it has helped me tremendously. My thoughts are with you and you look after yourself.
Thank-you friends, for your responses. Isn't it unbelievable how there always seems to be somebody else that has been through the same as you have, and understands so totally!! What an awesome place this is!
I couldn't get to sleep last night till 3am, then daughter, grandson & I had a 'shop till you drop' day at some Thrift-type stores. I bought her some maternity clothes, and grand son an outfit at Walmart for their birthdays. Daughter took me out to supper. Wow! 3 meals out in 3 days, (this time I ate mainly veggies, and a little cheescake(oops)).I think we burned off all the extra calories though.;).
Thanks so much for your replys. They mean so much to me.Love You, TLC
). Don't engage him when he makes you feel bad. Your kids are #1, you are #1. He'll survive. You need to thrive! Good luck to you TLC and, again, congratulations!