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Yes, I found out he cheated on me and I am so crushed and don't know what to do. It is a long story, but I will try to be brief.
Found out, conforted him, he denies that he slept with her. Of course. I feel so used and hurt. How could he be with me after he had been with me as if nothing happened? Sometimes I just really hate him. I told myself that I was just conveint for him all this time because when he would call I would jump right up and go. "He needed ME" I thought about confronting her but then told myself what good would that do? NONE!! And by the way this woman is his ex mother in law who lives 5 hours away from us and his son's grandmother. He hinted at one time that he wanted to get back at his ex-wife because she cheated on him, so I gues he did. I having been trying to go to my first f/t/f meeting tonight. Please pray that I don't back out. I feel as if I have gotten better these past few moths because of all I have read on this board but know that I have a long way to go to get over all the hurt this man has put me thru.
don't know how I will keep my realationship with his six year old who I love dearly, without him drawing me back in like he always does!!!
We only live six streets apart and his son comes to the daycare where I work before and after school. And they are always just dropping by my house on the way home to invite me for dinner and to stay the night if it is my choice.
We were together for two years and have been apart for one year. SOOOO many things have happened in our lives. I just don't know where to go next. I know that i am better off without him but it is so hard to stay away.
oh sweetie! I feel your pain. I've been in that situation, well, sort of. The A and I were 'broke up' and he actually tracked down someone to sleep with. Never told me about it, continued to sleep with me, and then when he actually told me about it, was shocked that I was mad. Stay strong sweetie!! We all are here for you *huggles*
Aloha Sissy! Hope and pray you get to that meeting and that you keep coming back. Infidelity is just one of the problems we face in the disease of alcoholism. Alcohol is the key to doing things that would not be considered when not drinking. More on this later if you care.
Get to your face to face meeting and trust the process and the group. You are in the right place to hear suggestions you won't hear anywhere else except from others who have or are going thru exactly what you are going thru and have found a way out of that terrible life.
There is so much experience, strength and hope in this program along with people willing to help that if you keep an open mind and continue to come back your life will get better.
Welcome to MIP - hate so much to hear about this painful experience for you. I do hope that you continue this courageous path of recovery and take that step to that f2f meeting.
The disease of alcoholism is cunning, baffling and powerful. It can destroy all that is good and decent in those that we love if it is allowed to - hate to hear that your loved one has made those horrible choices. I do hope that you will find the help, strength and support you need to make the choices you need to take care of You - You are special - You are deserving of a life that is Happy, Joyous and Free.
Keep coming back - Don't give up before the miracle happens in you - You deserve it,
Living life One Day at A time,
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
((((sis))))) I had to read your post a couple of times, to understand. His ex-mother-in-law????? Is there no end to the insanity of this disease?
I found out my A had cheated on me when we were together in 1987. I actually walked into his apt. and into his bedroom, and found them in bed together, naked and drunk. Whoa! Too much for me! Thought I would die from the pain. Couldn't understand why, we had just been intimate with each other that morning. We had dated for a year and a half, and he had just given me a ring for Christmas, and this happened on Feb. 27. Gee whiz!
We stayed together (my decision) for another year after that, but my anger and sorrow made it impossible to continue a relationship with him. I just couldn't get over it, and get it out of my mind. He had been my whole world. So, we split up for 9 years. Now we are back together and have been for 9 years, and married for almost 6.
I am so sorry you are having to go through this, just reading your post brought all those memories of feeling used, forsaken, etc. rushing back. Not a good feeling, I know.
But, you are a special person. You deserve someone who loves you back. My A had a 5 year old son at the time of our "incident" who I loved dearly. It makes it extra hard when children are involved.
Keep coming back. We are always here for you, no matter what your decision. And you do not have to make a decision right this instant, except the decision to take care of YOU! Try to get to the f2f meeting. Alcohol can make the people we love do some crazy things. That is why we must take care of ourselves, and why we need Alanon, whether we continue the relationship or not. I wish I had given myself to Alanon back then, years ago. Oh, well, everything happens in HP's time, I guess.
I'm not saying this may be your case, but this is my experience: My A used to make up all kinds of lies, and I know now that they were, just to hurt me and make me jealous. I don't know if this is the case with all A's or men, but I guess seeing that he had hurt me made him feel he had power over me, which he did. Now, he still tries the same tactics, but I know it's a lot of BS. Same ole, same ole. Gets boring after awhile. It just seems so far-fetched...his ex Mom-in-law??
Take what you want and leave the rest, with love, TLC
hi sisdragonfly ... people do vary on that one I know , because its not actually physcial danger , that we have a choice whether to go on with it. But I would find it a real turn-off myself . I know some people feel there are exceptions but that's up to them to decide . But as a long term habit I would find that difficult . The main thing to understand I think in case you don't is to grasp the feeling that it's not about you ... especially if there is alchohol involved. Thats one of the great things about the programme , in the past I might have thought well is it because I'm like this or that . No its about them isn't it , and as TLC says it can be about power too sometimes . Or it could be about anything they are going through. The worst part is the lying I think , you know if someone said straight up look its going to be an open relationship take it or leave it then you'd know where you stood wouldn't you . Nothing like an f2f meeting for this ... the warmth of real people , you know , it helps to see beyond the little bubble that we get into sometimes ...
all the best with it anyways and maybe read you again soon llol Vickyr x
July is a difficult Anniversary for me last year 7-25-05 I found out that my mom & step dad of 26 yrs (soon to be 27) he had been cheating on my mother for 15 yrs w/ different women, even admitted to prostitutes.
When you confront an A, you will be lucky to hear 1/3 or 1/4 of the truth, they will do anything to protect what the think they have, they don't want to even see it themselves... yes they believe their own lies.
This after a 19 yr slip in my Program sent me flying to Al-Anon & by the grace of God I found this site, raged & vented in chat for nearly 7 weeks upwards of 10 hours a day... all the thoughts of inadequacy, suicidal ideation I ever had went right to homicide. If it weren't for this Board & the chat room, i'd probably be in prison right now b/c I SO wanted to literally rip him apart w/ my bare hands for hurting my mother (so codie on her I was) & the hurt I felt b/c of the "perfection" he portrayed. Not my husband, not my problem, nonetheless I threatened him 8 times physically (verbally) & once on paper in an email ~ I just couldn't believe him!
Between my mother & him, I can't say who has hurt me worse... my story is SO long but I was programmed to be my mom's emotional nurturer from day one.
Plus his gambling problem which hurts b/c of all the sacrifices me & my mother have made for him to have $150 shirts & he is squandering my inheritence which I was told all of these yrs, I "had to work for the family" while he was living like a rock star, gambling, whoring, I don't even like to think about it, it hurts & angers me so much to imagine what he has done.
I finally got passed the rage & got to begin to work on my guilt which a year later, am still working on ~ growing up ACOA the issues are deep & life long.
As far as the boy goes, if you choose to allow the son to spend the night invite him but don't let your A use you whenever he wants.
The most difficult thing for me in all of this is learning to love myself, that I am worth it, that I deserve my own love more than anyone, even though a lot of days I still hate myself, feel "not good enough" or deserving of my own self-nurturing.
After 22 yrs in Al-Anon, Alkies & Addicts in the family I KNOW to my core, if I don't love me first, another (psychic vampire) A will find me & use me up for my energy, love b/c I am the original martyr. I am desperately trying to break the patterns & am still happily divorced from an addict, try to keep distance from my family, living alone with 3 cats who have been Angels to me, without them, I'm sure I would be no more. They love me unconditionally.
I forget to pray for me all the time, but the moment I surrender my feelings to HP, they are released & I do become freed & lighter.
Only you can determine your own worth, don't let another define it, look within, you are worth it & you are not alone, no matter what you have gone through, I've read stories here that have humbled me & make me wonder how they can go on & if they can, I can too! (funny thing is... ppl here have said the same thing to me!)
Love, -Kitty of Light
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
A's can be rather vindictive can't they. They can always justify it. I have confronted my A recently that he is always the victim isn't he. He did not like that much.
I think A's are also really into getting in the middle and wedging relationships. For whatever reason intimacy (real intimacy) scares them. I know it certainly scares me.
I am glad that you are here and sharing and letting us get to know you.
*huggles*
