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My mom and I recently had to move into my grandparents house due to problems with our condo rental. My grandfather had a stroke not too long ago, so he has difficulties with moving around, speaking, and communicating efficiently. I have tried to understand that he is having a hard time. But this week he has been drinking his butt off. I came home from camp one day and he fell. Me thinking that it was another stroke, called 911. They came, but it turned out that he was just drunk. That started a downward spiral.
He started getting mean, and drinking CONSTANTLY. He would go to bed around 6 or 7 and get up at like 3 in the morning (not unusual, but now he was getting up to start drinking). The other night during an argument within, me, my mom, grandma, and him, he pushed my grandma. My mom jumped in and he tried to hit her too. It has gotten worse from there. He has been a total jerk, and continued to drink, so my grandma took his keys away so he couldn't hurt an innocent person driving around drunk.
At 2:30 the next morning, after discovering that his keys were missing, he flipped. Started screaming at her, waking me and my mom up. That continued for hours.
My mom trying to hold her ground and get him to act reasonable has been trying to get him to be civil. Well he kept telling my grandma "f$@! you" and my mom got really mad. She went into his office (downstairs room where he hides his beer and sits on the computer) and she dumped out all of his alcohol in the backyard. Needless to say, he got very very angry.
Now that he doesn't have stuff in the house, or keys to get more, he's starting to sober up. However, the fighting is continuing. He's still acting like he's drunk, even though we all know he's not. I'd hate to think that this is just who he is now.
I know that this disease changes people, and they can't just stop it, but this is not the grandfather I know and love. And it's upsetting my mom and grandma a lot. I'm not sure what to do. I thought I was away from all this when I got away from my father, but apparently not. I can't stay there, his actions are setting off my PTSD and I don't want my mom to have to pay for a hotel room, and I don't want to be a burden on anyone in the family.
I feel like I need to tough it out, but at the same time I truly feel like I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I'm not sure what to say to my mom or grandma, they're already stressed enough as it is. Does anyone have any advice?
I lost it on him the other night, screaming, shaking, and that was just the beginning. All I know is if he goes anywhere near my mother, grandma, or me again, he will regret it to the full extent. I will lose it, but much worse than he experienced before. No one seems to realize how freaked I am, because I can't tell them. They're too upset, I don't want to be a burden, they have enough to deal with already.
I don't know how old you are, but really, this situation is more than you, your mom and your gram can handle. First your grampa is sick with the stroke, so he shouldn't be drinking at all. I think that outside help is definitely called for here. Does he have a personal physician who treated him for the stroke that you could call for help? How disabled is he from the stroke? Whatever you do you need to seek help for yourself. Your statement about jumping in and letting him have it is a frightening thing. So keep posting here. I am just positive you will get lots of support, but I certainly hope that you and your mom and gram will get together as a unit and ask for help outside the family. I would certainly go for the physician but a spiritual advisor might be able to help you.....you should not have to be living like this.
I am 15 physically, but as many of you may understand, 50 mentally (at least it sure seems like it).
He has doctors, but he's so darn stubborn, that he won't let them anywhere near him. You know how it is, according to him, he's perfectly fine.
He isn't that disabled, just a little bit slower, and his balance, reactions, etc. aren't quite what they used to be.
I have a counselor for help for me and my mom. I just haven't had a chance to really talk to her about it, haven't had an appointment since last week before this all happened.
I agree we shouldn't live like this. I called my half-sister's house, and she said I can probably come stay with them. My sister and I are in the same school district, so I can probably just catch the bus from her house every morning. That way someone will be home when she gets back, she won't need a babysitter. Kind of two birds with one stone you could say.
Anyways, thanks for replying, I really appreciate it.
Since there is physical violence I think I would call police and have Grandpa carted away. If he has any medical needs they will be taken care of. Once Grandpa gets the message that his actions can be stopped, he'll probably chill out. If he doesn't, call the police as many times as it takes.
My Plan B would (if no one will call police) be for you, Grandma and Mom to just leave the home for a few hours and let Grandpa simmer down. Leaving your home all the time can get old though and really doesn't drive home to Grandpa the message that his actions aren't acceptable. It does however tell him you won't tolerate it and will walk out and away.
take care, Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Aloha Mira and welcome to the Family Group. Just to let you know...you can call the Al-Anon hotline in the white pages of your phone book and ask them if there are any Alateen meetings in the area. Yes you are not alone by any means. You can also attend Al-Anon. There are some good suggestions to your post at this site. Certainly calling for help from the police, doctors, emergency etc must be considered. These things can help him and the rest of the family. Often times when a person is drunk or high and the police come this results in court time and a court referral to 90 meetings in AA or NA or another 12step recovery group often times that can lead to sober change for the alcoholic.
You, your Mom and Grandmother can all attend Al-Anon Family Groups and I suggest that you do find a good one in your area. Going to as many meeting as you can over a 90 day period of time will do alot of good for all three of you. Going together as a family to start with is appropriate and its free. Ask your counselor about Alateen and Al-Anon for additional information. If you can't get to a meeting soon you can all the hotline and ask for information pamphlets for the three of you.
In the definition of alcoholism it is mentioned "...Alcoholism is a fatal illness and the alcoholic has three choices; sobriety, insanity or death." It is my experience that the death doesn't only happen to the drinker often times it is to a family member, friend, associate or innocent person.
I'll bet there are a ton of children of alcoholics at the school you attend. Ask your school counselor and see if there is something available at school for those teens who are victims and need help.
I was an Alateen sponsor for 9 years and did meetings in several schools in the area I used to live in. I was also a counselor in several schools and a recovery program. This disease can mess your life up real bad if you don't get help.
Sounds like your grandfather's stroke may have caused some damage to the area of his brain which controls aggression. Same thing happened to my ex fil. He tried to hit my ex mil over the head with a chair. Obviously the drinking is only exacerbating the problem. Someone really needs to speak with his doctor. My ex fil ended up in a nursing home which isn't to say that is what will happen to your grandfather.
That sure is a lot for a 15 yr old to be going thru - heck that's a lot for any of us to go thru at any age - can you stay at your sisters' - is it a healthier environment for you? It's ok to take care of Mira if you need to. I'm sure you worry about leaving your Mom & Grandmother in this situation, but they are adults and will need to make decisions for themselves. If you can seek a less stressful homelife for you, please consider it -
Also, consider Alateen meetings - I have heard several Alateen speakers talk about the same situations you posted about and how they have learned to deal with it. Al-Anon works great for me - hope that Alateen will help you.
Please keep in touch and let us know how you and your family is doing,
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
Mira, Please take the suggestions here to call police and to get in touch with your counselor about this recent problem. You must take care of you first of all. You don't have to take on everyone's problems.
I would go to the police, but my grandmother has begged us not too. She thinks that it will make things worse around here. I don't want her to have it any harder than it already is. I already feel bad because I called the other day, and cause all of those problems.
