The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been distancing myself from my A. I have been trying to not try to control and push. I know that he will have to do it on his own. I need space to figure out where I am going and what I am doing. But yesterday was my sons 13th birthday. My son didn't receive a phone call from him. He was really upset about it. So I tried to keep him distracted. It really hurt me to see him upset about him. Guess I am starting to see more things I am not happy about. I guess I am just really angry and confused how someone could do that. To someone they care about. In my family the 13th birthday is big because now you are a teenager. My son had all kinds of family dropping by through the day and giving him gifts. All he wanted to do was tell him about what he got. I could have called him. But I didn't feel I should have to be the one to remind him if he forgot. I guess it boils down to how important are we really to him?
It's these kinds of incidents that create a great deal of pain for those involved with alcholism. I don't blame your son for being hurt.
Is it possible to give him some alateen literature? Just leave it on his bed or something like that? Perhaps him knowing that he is not the first to go through this might heal his broken heart.
Of course it wouldn't be un heard of for your son to say how he felt to his father. When his father is sober, of course.
I'm sorry you and your son have to go through this. Remind him that none of this is his fault. It may not help, but I know my niece blames herself for her Dad's addiction (eventhough she says she doesn't, it comes out in other conversations with her). He's not alone in this. When they are in the throws of this disease, they are not thinking about others, only themselves. Feeding their addiction is the most important thing. It's a hard lesson to learn.
Sending you extra love and prayers. Be good to yourself.
Live strong,
Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I hope that he is able to attend Alateen or at least find a web site forum like this one that he can find other teens he can relate to about these hurts. Hopefully, he can write those feelings out instead of distracting or stuffing - that way they won't come out in other unhealthy behaviors for him.
Remember as far as the A goes, it's not about you or your son, it's all about his disease - that does not excuse his behavior. But at least you know it is nothing either of you did wrong. It is the disease that stops him from being the Dad he should be.
Hope that you are especially good to you and to your son during this rough time for both of you - praying that your HP gives you special blessings of comfort,
One Day at A Time,
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
Aloha Don4me and haole lahanau (Happy Birthday) to your boy. My gut wrenched with your post and this is the disease of alcoholism over and over and over. Not happy that you and your son are added victims.
There is information for you and your son in the program that would be great in helping you both to understand this disease and how it runs. I use to work with teens from alcohol and drug addicted families. Often times good, simple information helped alot.
Thanks for all your posts. I tried talking to my son again last night about going to alateen but he has no interest in being in any part of it in person. He tried an online meeting a few months back and liked it very much. So maybe I will try that with him after a few days. I don't want him to feel like I am pushing him. I just want him to feel it is ok to talk about things. Anyone gone threw this with there teen? I am in recovery and am really starting to see things differently. I realized I was co-dependent. But for me it was the fear of being alone not having anyone there with me that loved me or made me feel loved. The fear of him loving someone else more then me. I know now how can anyone love me if I don't love myself. For me letting go and letting my HP handle it was no easy task. But I have and I am learning to take care of me. But I need to also focus on my son and I don't know what it is my son is feeling inside I know he is hurting and I just want to help him get the help he needs to get threw this. I realize he is hurting more then I understood after this weekend. I just wanted to say thank you to all that are here and have posted. I find the boards comforting and I appreciate all the information and the compassion and kindness I feel here. For the first time in a long long time I feel like I belong somewhere. I finally feel safe! Been a long time since I have been able to say that. Thanks for making me feel safe and welcome here and thanks for being here.
My parents divorced when I was two. My Adad never called on any of my birthdays, or holidays. There was nothing my mom could have done to make me feel better. My 10 year old is often disappointed by his dad. I just say the truth. Your dad is sick. He is unable to make good decisions or think of anyone else but himself when he is drinking.
