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I've started a post once before - about a week ago or so. I am so sad and frustrated right now. Any words of wisdom will be greatly appreciated.
I've just started to accept the fact that my husband has troubles with alcohol. Today was rough. He's been estranged from his brother for several months and actually went to his house today to talk. It didn't go well - doesn't matter why. Well he came home and was very upset. He has been threatening to leave our family - feels he doesn't get the respect he deserves. I feel that's true, but it's been hard for our kids to give him respect. Anyway, we got into it again, and he threatened to leave. I didn't even think he had been drinking. Anyway, I told him that if he felt he needed to leave, that would be his decision. If he would try to work on our marriage and problems, we would be here to help him.
Anyway, it looked like he was going to leave. My son (age 16) came to me and said, "Mom I think I heard him take a drink earlier - I don't think he should go. My daughter (10) said she has SEEN him through her bedroom window take a slug right out of a whiskey bottle in the garage. She tends to exaggerate, go overboard, tell stories, etc., so I really questioned her. All three of us confronted my husband - he said it was untrue - he had not been drinking. By then, however, I strongly suspected he had. Couldn't follow a conversation, defensive, etc.
I guess it's good the elephant is now out of the living room. I could take the kids out of the house and talk to them. My son said he's known for a long time - my daughter wasn't surprised. We went to do some school shopping, talked to my BIL, and went for a treat.
I think I"m going to try my first f2f meeting this week - wish me luck. I'm tired of this behavior. I'm not ready to end my marriage, but I'm getting very weary of all of this.
Wise idea Mimi. FInd that AlAnon meeting and go as often as you can. Also Alateen might be just what the kids need. All three of you can be helped in coping with this menace called alcoholism. My very best wishes, and good luck all around, Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I think you'll get alot out of your f2f. Go for it. However, I wouldn't question your daughter--when it comes to matters like alcholism, children don't "exaggerate." It's okay to swallow the painful truth on this one.
And as for why your husband didn't get the respect he "deserved," well, to be honest, he hasn't earned any. He needs to "earn" sobriety; "earn" respect; "earn" trust; and where the relationship has already been damaged, this will take God, long term sobriety and prayer. It sounds like all of these are lacking in your husband's life.
Hello MIMI , congrats on the decission to go to f2f this week it will change your life . Amazing how smart our kids are isn't it ?? And sad that they have to watch thier dad this is a family disease we all get caught up in it unfortunatley but the good news is we can recover.
Alcoholics need to be in control and telling u he was going to leave was possibly a threat to make u shape up and get off his back. Tho he may choose to leave please know that it is not your fault , you are not the reason he drinks regardless of what he says. If you were powerful enough to make him drink you would be powerful enough to make him stop .
This is his problem to fix leave it with him and as for respect well it's earned . good luck
Louise there is also alateen for your kids ,sponsored by alanon members= with everyone in a prog he won't have a chance hehe.
mimi, thank you for sharing. i tried to reply hours ago but just now got in . your honesty must be an asset to you, i think, and will help you progress in the program. keep coming back.
Good for you for going to a meeting. And I also agree about getting the kids to Alateen. The single best thing my dad ever did for me was "force" me to go to one Alateen meeting. That was all it took, and I was hooked. I hope you all find what you need there.
The crabby behavior continued on all evening. I think he sobered up, but then became almost bulley-like. Kept asking the kids and myself if we wanted him to stay or leave. I tried to assure him I wanted him to stay but for all of us to seek help - counseling. Nope - not an option for him. Very cold this morning. He doesn't understand why we're more or less avoiding him. He doesn't see how he acts when he's been drinking. I also think there's a ton of paranoia and self-absorbtion - even when he's not drinking. It's all US - not him.
I'm actually more sad than yesterday - need hugs and prayers, people.
