((())) You are in the right place and we care about you.  The first person you need to look after now is you.  Get yourself to some al-anon meetings and contact your local organisation by phone they will be able to help you enormously.  You will get the strength to stop being treated the way you are now and become the person you once were.  You are in no way responsible for his drinking and have recognized that you too may have a problem.  Already you have taken baby steps to do something about it.  In al-anon you will learn the 3 C's

You did not cause his drinking, you cannot control his drinking and you cannot cure his drinking.

Reading your post sent shivers up my spine.  If you are feeling threatened and fearful of your safety in anyway then have a back up plan to get yourself out safely.  Keep posting - others here will be able to provide contact numbers for you to call if you need them.  Luv Leo xxx  

Welcome to MIP! 

You are definately in the right place! 

And your story is not minimal. 

Alanon is for those who have been affected by their loved ones drinking.

Please check out local f2f Alanon meeting or there are online meetings here to begin with.

Keep coming back.

You have been affected by someone else's drinking, and you are starting to realize that your own actions have some part in your unhappiness - why do you stay, why can't you leave, why do you allow this....

Yep, you're one of us. In this program you can learn ways to get back your sense of self, to take care of yourself, and to be happy whether or not he is still drinking. Welcome

I am always amazed when a person whose BOYFRIEND treats her so shabbily is continuing upon a path that is surely as the world going to lead to total destruction. I cannot imagine loving a man strongly enough to put up with constant humiliation, distress, and unhappiness. You are allowing self-deprecation. I would toss him to the curb so fast his head would spin. THen I would gather myself together, set myself on a path of recovery, and find out that there is joy and love out there just waiting for me to get my head on straight.

AlAnon can certainly help you understand how to take care of yourself. You need those lessons badly. Please find an AlAnon group near you and attend as often as you can. This kind of thing need not be happening in your life or any else's. Believe me, his unconscionable behavior will escalate. Your decision must be, "How much am I willing to put up with?"

After the beer was poured over my head, or the salad dressing tossed in my face, whichever came first, he'd have been history.

All that said, I do wish you well in your endeavor to help yourself. Your self-worth is what you need to regain, and it can be done. Starting today, save your own life.

Diva

Hello, I am so glad  you are here. We all have felt as you do. There will be so much support here you won't know what to do with it!

Do you really want to know what to do? People here will share their experiences with you. Some will strike a chord with  you.

The first thing is look at you. What does that person need? I would stop using any drug,  period. That will help clear your mind and after a few days your body will feel better too.

I don't know how much you drink but you may want to go to your doctor first and tell them what  you are going to do. Detox can make you very sick and kill you.

A doctor should be able to help you to get clean too. You need nutrition to help get  you balanced and for  you to feel better. I know if it were me, I would go out and get real juice, good teas, water, whatever.

I do know my A could not drink grape type as it reminded him too much of wine.

If  you are A, I would suggest getting to an AA meeting ASAP. Your phone book has resources or cont. here, what ever you want. But that would be the primary concern.

Then ya cont. to look at your own needs. Ya know how if someone is sick that you love, and or care about? It makes you sad and you think of them pretty much. It takes from you. But it is temporary and you do still care for you a little.

When we are with an A, who has the terrible disease of alcoholism, they are ALWAYS SICK.So we HAVE to take care of us and not allow ourselves to be sick with them.

It will take down whole families, coworkers, anywhere the A goes people will be affected.I am talking an A that is not on a program of recovery.

So in alanon we learn to think of ourself first, love our self, not to react to their bs. Set up boundaries.

example:I will be treated with respect or I will leave the room, or leave  the house until I am treated with respect.

example: I will cook for people who respect me.

example: I will wash cloths for people who respect me.

I will not be in a vehicle with some one who is actively using.

It can go so far, if you are ready, usually takes a while,

I will not live with an active A. So you leave  or he leaves. or she or he or he and her or she and she... uno.

I will not allow you to be here if you yell and scare the dog. That is a big one for me. Any "any" animal abuse and out the frigging door he goes. And I will help if he won't go.

This is a perfect place for you.

So primary is stop  using, if you are A call AA and get to a meeting, then it is 90 meetings in 90 days. You will find out the rest there.

If you can just stop using, and you don't feel it will be a matter of detox, then you start a program of recovery here in alanon.

For me it was, realizing my A is sick. When he says horrible stuff it is the A talking. So I quit listening. I learned to go in my room and read, or go do my nails, play with my animals, groom them, plant flowers, in other words I took care of me.

I never drank but I NEVER saw him drink either. He is so ashamed of it, he can hide it like a squirrel hides her nuts...said her becuz he was well  uno hahahhaha  humor helps us too...snicker...

I would not sleep with him if he was obnoxious drunk. Sadly my A is horribly abusive when he uses, or is not on a program. So I had to have mine leave.

I made my life self sufficient. So when he was here great, and when I had to have him leave, I was ok except i missed my husband.

I see it as a monster takes him over. And he is held hostage inside. I detach from the A and love the man if he is loveable. If not, bye.

I will blabber like a book so I will go now. I hope and pray you stay. I promise it will change  your life and your  A's life for the better.

I love the book,"Getting Them Sober." It was good for me becuz I basically knew nothing and it is very simple and easy to understand.

I still like it becuz if I am sick it reminds me of simple truths and skills.

much love and it is OK to laugh too! And it is ok to tell us about vacations and when the dog grabs the garbage and runs down the street and you gotta chase him in  your nightgown.... we LOVE real life here. And believe me with these nuts you will get to see it and laugh and cry.

much love, debilyn of Potter's Eden

 

 

 

hi Souljacker , yes this is the right place ! even if you sometimes want to talk about other things than alcohol. Step one says that we 'admit powerlessness' over these things , you may not be able to see the wood for the trees at the moment but if you just share what you want to of the situation , and then see how you feel in a while . Its up to you if you want to stay with him or not , although Alanon does recommend that we keep ourselves physically safe where possible after that it's up to us to decide what we will or won't put up with , depends how strongly you feel about him I guess or whether this is about sometimes our own issues isn't it , but this programme can definitely help , try to get as much of it as possible hopefully some face to face meetings , literature etc , and hope to read you again soon , oh and try to be kind to yourself too if you can !

llol Vickyr x