The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
i was chairing a meeting tonight and one person brought up a topic. then i asked someone to start. and another person said "ok i'll start" and the he asked what the topic was and the person who brought up the topic started to explain and then went deeper into what the problem really was and she was going on for a bit but i was fine with it. the man who said he'd start gave me a look and then when i did nothing and the woman continued on the man stopped her and aksed if anyone else was going to speak. well, she was dealing with an anger issue and she stood up and and told him that he really hurt her feelings and that he should have directed his question to her and she started to cry, said that alanon was just as dysfunctional as everywhere else and left. she is an oldtimer too. so we continued on with the meeting and some spoke to what had just happened and some didn't. i said nothing. i felt bad for a bit because i felt like everyone was looking to me to rein her in. but i felt that she needed to talk she's been comming for years and i was running the meeting. but this meeting in particular is slightly ridgid, or clicky. i just ignore all the drama and take what i like and leave the rest. i feel that everyone who needs to speak will and everyone who needs to hear will and if we don't get to everyone during our time then there's always the meeting after the meeting or the phone list or a sponsor. so i said nothing and made no apology. the man came over after the meeting and apologized and i said that's ok next time i'll bring my whip when i chair to keep everyone in their place lol. now, i've been chairing meetings for years and at many different meetings and i wonder if i am in the wrong here. every other group where i chair seems to be ok. this one seems to have alot of personality conflicts within the group. again, i like this group and don't want to leave it because i hear great things. i don't expect anyone to change i just take what i like and leave the rest and focus on what is being said not who is saying it. i guess there just seems to be a lack of genuine love. or unconditional love. no one there is really stepping forward to chair or do any of the service work. and those that do act as if it's some great chore or hassle. i wonder what the future of this group can be or maybe i'm making too much out of this.....
I am glad you chaired a meeting. That is the only way we can have meetings if someone volunteers. What I have noticed about Alanon meetings and us Alanoners is that we are just human. I think some of us come to meetings because that is the only place that we can talk freely. Home life may not be so hot. Also, we are all probably codependent and don't have good people skills. We don't know how to treat ourselves very well and certainly don't know how to treat others. Keep coming back and chairing.
I hate those moments--when you aren't sure if the person is going to stay on point and how long they will share and if you should say something--UGH!!
My first thought though is whether it is something that can be brought up at the group conscience--I love that aspect of the program because it takes the responsibility that I may be feeling (rightly or wrongly) and places it smack-dab where it belongs, with the group.
Last night, at my home group, the issue was raised during the group conscience about the meeting lasting more than 1 hour, the introduction portion (reading the Steps, Traditions, etc.) lasting too long, and whether the group would like to include a request in the intro that everyone try to limit their shares to 3 minutes (or as needed) to allow all who want to share to have the opportunity to do so. The group is going to sit on it and think about it and then come to a group conscience at the next meeting. I think that that process is really a manifestation of the Traditions and is one of the reasons why the programs works as well as it does. Once the group determines its position, all I have to do is "Let Go and Let God." It is what helps me place "principles above personalities." It is what helps me deal with the cliques--although I would like to believe they are really just closer friendships that have developed among those who have become invested in a particular group because that group has been instrumental in their recovery.
Thank you for leading meetings--Al-Anon only works if we work it!!
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Do not be anxious about tomorrow; tomorrow will look after itself. The Bible, from Courage to Change, p.138
