Ok I worked till 8pm on Monday8/7. My A picked me up after work. she slid over to let me drive before I came outside. I was suspicious but wanted to go home. It seems she took my new friend ( the one whose A father  ran out of gas and I took him to her house). This new friend, I have only talked 2 about 3 times for maybe 15 min and outside in the yard.

Well My A gave her a ride to town & back home. She needed to go to Food Stamps office. she almost caused a scene inside the office. They went to her place, My A  went inside for a glass of water. This new friend began talking about how her hubby has tied her up & raped her repeatedly in the past. However she tried to get him arrested but did not want to press charges. He left again this time in around april & took 2 of their kids to another state. He continues to pay the utilities for her home. She has a two year old.He has done this off & on for 9 years.

Then this new friend started taking about how she called Mr. Bush ( president) & gave him pointers. He & the church have installed cameras, she can not find & they are taking pictures of her and her hubby having sex. She is totally serious about this. She does not think she needs any help. It sounds like she is not dealing with a full deck.

On the outside she appears to be a bubbly outgoing person but now hearing this I am leary as to what to do now. I do have a friend at the family & children services that can give me some insite on this new freind. She is not suppose to but she can tell me to keep befreinding her or run like hell.  There must be a reason I was suppose to meet this new friend.?

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My A it seems are at a stalemate. I heard from a close friend. My A drinks because I am not intimate with her. ( I know an A will use any excuse to get the focus off themselves) We have been together 14 years. I have no clue where my MOJO went. One day it just left. I am on welbutrin, vicodian ( chronic pain 11 yrs), xanax, HBP (lisinopril), fiorciet (migraines), BCP ( periomenopause), & nexium. it could be the meds or the stress I am under due to the A's antics.

 I have spoken to several doctors for years and expressed I have no libedio at all. They all just skip right over it. 90% of the time she is in the room with me when I ask the doctors. But she swears I never ask.

My A seems to think I am repulsed by her entirely that has got to be the reason. I am thinking if this were true would I not have fantasies or desires for someone else?? I do not have any desires what so ever. I do not want to do it with anyone not even myself. I do not even dream about it. I do not know exactly when I lost my MOJO but she is not cause.

I suppose it could be true now partly. She can not stay sober beyond one month. Who would want to get busy with someone with booze on their breath? They have to be wasted to be with you? You do not know when she might be sober?

She does not realize she has body odor. How do you not know you stink? If I can smell funk on myself I know or am almost sure others can too. She is offended greatly if I mention or cover my nose when she is near. I try to disguise it. I hate to go out in public with her looking like a homeless person. She knows how to dress & clean up but she prefers her nastiest looking clothes. She says if she shaves her underarms they hurt & stink more than if she didn't. Her favorite summer look is the A frame tshirts & raising her arms above her head. She has no shame or embarrassment.

I realize with Alanon I have no say so on her choice of haircut or clothing. I was always taught to make yourself presentable in public. It does make you feel better to look decent.

I ask My A how does she think I feel as a women having no mojo whatsoever? You got it it is all about her, she can not think how I feel.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Oh BTW, Monday night I got off work at 8pm. I got home around 8:30pm , we listened to a couple of tunes in the car. She says we need to go next door and get them to sign the title correctly. SShe opens a bottle of wine. I do not think her first. Next door neighbors do not drink at all. I felt no one was listening to a word I tried to say. I started playing with a blade of grass like a musical instrument. It is getting late. I told her I wanted to get something online before a deadline at noon Tuesday. We head home . It is 10:30pm. I just got online. I tried to find a place to put down my big carry everywhere bag. I did not think about it. ( I am a 3rd generation packrat in recovery)Just as soon as I get online. She starts in " You do not want to be with me, but you put your stuff in my space as if you are claiming me. You do not want me to be with anyone else but you do not want me." I said you would wait till this time to start this not when I got off work but right before I was to go to bed. I had to be at work at 7:30am the following day. 

I got up disconnected the phone line to the computer and headed to be. I did no work online. She says it again. I said the magic Alanon words. "you might be right"  I head to my bed. She says "I knew it you don't want to be with me." I said it again slowly " you might be right" OM I could swear I smelled smoke as the gears in brain could not compute that statement. LOL 

 I finally get to the bedroom. I had to re make my bed. the cats are peeing on the bed since the vet came her last saturday. He upset everyone in the house. I am sound asleep and I get a knock at the door. "It is time to get up the alarm clock just went off." I said ok thank you. She went back to bed. I looked at the clock. It is 1:30 AM. I was exhausted all day Tuesday. BTW she is sleeping in the recliner because it is too hot in the bedroom and a couple of the big dogs took over the entire bed. How stupid is that? They have not always slept in the bed & the bed is relatively new.

On top of that the elderly man has been obsessed himself over his truck keys. He has not driving over 6 months now that we know. He thinks he can go anywhere any time so he gets very irrate & potentially dangerously hateful when he does not get his way. So 2 days this week have been very stressful. I try to keep him calm. He used to drink so he could out of control even now. He sees his doctor this saturday. He knows he is grounded and is not supppose to drive but that does not stop him. He does not know what day, week, hour or year this is. He sounds like a broke record "where are my keys?"

Anyway so short of killing my A, what else could I have done when she wakes me up early? I told my boss lady if she does that again. I am grabbing a blanket & pillow and driving to the old mans house. I can park out of sight of him & sleep in my car so I can be on time. This is ridiculous but I just have not other ideas.

She thinks I should do more around the house. I worked 38.5 hours last week in 4 days & as of Sunday I will have 44.5 hours. She has no outside job. She has mowed the dogs pens, & treated the ground for fleas, built a gate. LOL a gate was left open obviously last week and the 2 goats mowed down part of my growing gourd vine. I am grateful a gate was across the gate to my perrinal garden. she also thinks I have lots of money put away. I wish I did but I do not. She has already lost $77 dollars this month. She does not know where she lost it. I was not with her either. It is gonna hurt us finanacially.

She has become more OCD or like a kid with ADHD. She calls herself throwing away junk and putting it in the garbage. I had to go outside and retrieve a small book , postcard, and a few otehr small items I had planned to send to someone. We have several bags of garbage inside the camper top of the truck since July 24th. She says it does not stink.

She is constantly going thru my stuff & tidyng it up. She is stacking it neatly who knows what else. We have a mobile home full of stuff to get out of here. She knows this. I think that is more important than my stuff. I am slow at getting my clutter uncluttered but it is mine. I had a bunch of clothes I need to go thru. The power went out when I did have time to do it. It was out from midnite till 6am. kinda hard to see if stuff still fits in the dark.

Oh I am finding when she is sober a few days she is like a preacher on a soap box. she is talking about HP being in charge of our problems & I should just let go. One would think she is in a program the way she talks but she is not. She told the pharmacist I have alot of migraines & he suggested stress. She says " I tell her not to stress out." She is telling me I am like Eeyore and never happy. I have little energy level I agree but it is my problem not hers. I am seeing doctors to find out why. I see my new doctor next week. I am told I have a bad attitude or I am in a bad mood. This makes me madder. "I would not mind the morning if it didn't start so early." I find her new attitude to be patronizing. She is seeking no outside help. She is reading nothing. She thinks she can drink some wine or lots of soda pop & be ok. I am so annoyed at her. I hate pretending. I hate her telling me how I should feel or think.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I will be off work Sunday after 8am till Wednesday. Please if someone has a magic wand I will sent my address. HELP???? At witts end GA.