The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I heard someone say that "Being a people-pleaser can negatively affect you in many ways. I used to let other people tell me who I was. I played the role assigned to me by my current family and my family of origin. And living and going to school in a small community, I played the role assigned to me my fellow classmates.
Well Hallelujah! Today I can change my thinking. I can let other people know who I am rather than having them tell me. Today, I get to choose my own behavior. I get to choose what I will say and do. If someone says something rude to me, I get to choose how I will let that affect me. If someone cuts me off in traffic, I get to choose if I will let it ruin my day. Other people don’t control me unless I let them.
Am I going to work my recovery today? Am I going to practice gratitude or complaining? It’s my choice.
I've always been a people pleaser but mainly with the men in my life. Always attracted to the ones that were hardest to get, for lack of a better phrase. And usually those men were not worth having! Looking back, those relationships were more anxiety ridden and I nor the other person ever saw the "real me".
At 42, I am getting to know me, I am learning to make choices as to what is best for me and to be with people who like me just as I am. I am a little scared but I am ok.
I have been a compulsive people pleaser. I still have issues with it. I can catch myself at it now. I do it far far far less with the A. Gone are the huge presents, the making it up to him stuff. I used to do that and then resent it very very much.
I am glad for you that you are addressing this really important issue.
