The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I went to bed last night and as I was sinking down in the covers I was thinking about my present situation. My AH, whom I have been separated from the last 6 months, just sent me divorce paperwork last week. The agreement is completely one-sided (his side) and I've had to contact lawyers, etc, which has been emotionally exhausting. But, as I was lying in bed, I thought, I don't feel it. I don't feel that sick, despondent, heavy, sad, frustrated feeling that I almost always went to bed with when I was with him. Always wishing things could change, that we could start sharing a life together, instead of always being on the outside with him. Although I definitely feel the grief of losing him, it is a relief to not have that turmoil I had almost every night.
It seems like the divorce might start to get complicated and uglier, but I am trying to stay focused on what is in my control and give the rest to God (as well as ask God to help me with what is in my control). I think he thought I would just sign anything he sent me. I guess he doesn't really know me . . . I told him that I am a lot stronger and smarter than he realizes . . . and I will be ok. This may hurt, but I know I will be ok. If God is with me, who can be against me?
a friend in the program told me to treat the divorce as a business deal. no feelings in the actual dealings. he said to try to save the emotion for later. that's what worked for him. my divorce (i pray) can't get messy as we have nothing except the kids and he has no money. at all. so he can't get a lawyer and i doubt in his current state of mind he would even try.good job working it. looks like it's working! good luck and love
So glad you are feeling calm at this time. It is a growing process, maybe. It is a sad sad thing to be without the person you love, but if a disease prevents you from being a great couple together, there is another option.
I, too am trying to make this decision whether I really want to end this. It is not getting any better with my AH. I am feeling calmer also about being "okay" to be alone. It would really be hard at times, but yes, to get away from that CHAOS every night would be so peaceful.
good for you Krise!!! yep yep I can relate, but for me... I get into bed, well first I have to lift lard butt Basset Ru up to my bed. I get in and here comes Brownijoy dog, I lay there and wait for this whine..I get up and lift Tavish, my sweet Basset up.
Then I think about A. And how would I have him home anyway, there is no room in the bed for him.
If he was him, you bet the dogs would be next to the bed, well except Tavish...but the monster, NO WAY, in that instance I would haul Luster my pot bellied pig up there too!!!
You sound strong. Proud of you. So you are surrendering to hp, taking care of you, and one more thing, when you find an attorney, surrender your case to your attorney. If you get freaked out, give it to the attorney. (c:
Have no regrets, but please don't allow this split to tear you apart.
