The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I find myself daily worrying about things I have no control over. I find myself time to time dwelling in the past with feelings of guilt. Guilt for what? Guilt because I didnt do everything I could, or the I should have's , when the A was still here. Or guilt for things I did when the A was here?. My reactions to his drinking etc. I have to learn to accept that a certain amont of insecurity in my life is ok. That my world will NOT fall apart, as I always think it will. This stinking thinking has lessened over time, but it does creep in periodically when I sit and ponder my life. Taking my own inventory, and disecting why I feel this way is one step forward toward living "life". Dealing with the stinking thinking and caring enough to make changes in my life so I may move forward! May be at a snails pace but as long as it is straight ahead and living within the now, and eliminating the shoulds and oughts of yesteryear I believe we can all make it. So I ask you...Are you living for today? Or are you living in the past worrying about the future?......"One Day at a Time"
That is a great post for today. I really needed that! Over the past week, we have been getting along pretty good. Last night my AW hugged me and asked "... so how many days have we been nice to each other..." The answer was 6 days. But I told her I didn't know, but I sure have enjoyed it and thanked her for sharing it with me.
Truth is, it kinda made me angry. Certainly not because we have had 6 good days, but for 6 good days to stand out and warrant making note of it... makes me sick to my stomac.
She is trying to settle down and I wanted her to know how much I appreciated that, cause I really do! Many things that could trigger and explosion have happened in these 6 days, but she glanced over it.
So you see, I needed that reminder that staying in today is just as important as anything else I am working on in myself. So easy to project the next explosion, that this is "the eye" of the storm, but that really doesn't help me at all.
Thanks for sharing that!
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Yeah for posting this!!! I have found that I dwell a LOT on the past, and a LOT worrying about the future. I have learned lately that if I feel like bringing up the past with my husband, i.e. "Why should I believe you if you say you are coming home? You HAVEN'T been in the last two months when you say!!" I just say, "okay" instead, he is likely to come home! The less I say the better it is. Of course, that doesn't mean I am open to being taken advantage of and not setting boundaries.
But, the more we worry about a situation, whether it happened in the past or the "what-ifs" that could happen, we are dwelling in chaos. It is so much easier to let all that garbage go and enjoy the moment. Breathe in and be grateful that we are all alive. Life is way too short and precious to waste on this worrying energy!!!
Except for a little laundry and reading a few beneficial postings, I have otherwise spent all my time today, ruminating about the past, and fearing the future. Completely unproductive. I think I have been thinking about some hard topics recently with respect to myself and my life and have chosen today to slip back into my old habits of drudging up the past and begrudging myself and others about it. Then I am switching to thinking about all I have to do. I realize I am picking up familiar pain because I am fearful and a little fatigued. Rerunning the past and catastrophizing the future are so familiar to me except for very lately in the past two months when I have had a feeling of lightness and have been living in the moment.
I needed this reminder. I need to read, meditate and go to a meeting soon.
I can absolutely NOT be truly happy anywhere else but right here, in Today.
I get 'alanon cravings' to re-play and regret yesterdays, and to imagine tomorrows.
A few tools I have found useful, to fend of my alanon cravings after reading my meditations or reaching out, are:
Picking up a book and getting into it.. if this requires reading the same paragraph 40 times until my mind 'switches' toward what I am actually reading, right now, so be it.
Re-balancing my checkbook, even if it is already balanced. Simple math will notallow me to think of much else.
Listening, volume way up, to LOUD music that does not have any codependency of any kind in the lyrics. I have burned CD's of such music for this purpose.
Go to a car dealership and just 'look'. When the salesmen approach, (and they will,) keep saying, "I'm just looking. I'm just looking". Go for a test drive, if you like.
Find a neighbor or a friend who has no affiliation with 12 Step programs whatsoever and ask her out for a walk.
Find a website to interact with women in forums devoted to other things, like cleaning, getting organized, decorating, child-rearing, gardening, etc.
When I have a problem staying in today, and have exhausted all my alanon tools, my sponsor and my other alanon contacts, and I still am caught regretting or projecting, it is time for me to step away and truly put some mental energy into 'normal behaviors and interests' that require active thought. I used to clean as a tool, but I've found that I have gotten too good at cleaning and obsessing at the same time.
Read my post about filling the void. I should have reititled it: taking your recovery to the next level.
I try not to dwell on the past, and live my life with no regrets. As Rita said, we did the best we could at that moment in time. I want to go foward and if I continually look at the past, then I'm wasting my time. Gotta keep the eyes on the journey ahead.
Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
