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I don't know which Alanon tool I used last nite, but I'm sure I used one, LOL!
My 18 year old daughter (eaten up by anger towards her dad, my ex) did her usual nightly routine last nite. Bear with me now...
We live in this old house that we are remodeling, and the upstairs is separated by a door at the bottom of the stairs. Her bedroom is upstairs, but not as you go up the top of the stairs. You go up, turn around, go to the opposite end of the room, go thru her door, down a short hall, and there is her room. So as I'm in my bathroom downstairs, getting ready for bed, I faintly hear her voice saying, MOM!!!, then a pause, then MOM!!!, then pause, then MOM!!! (this keeps going for a total of about '10' MOMS).
Now, I have told her REPEATEDLY not to yell for me from upstairs, as I can't hear her very well, and I'm not going to stop what I'm doing just to go see what she wants. (Her excuse is usually, "I'm not dressed and I'm getting ready to go to bed".) She is just lazy, and does not want to come downstairs. What she wanted, I'm sure, is for me to bring her cat upstairs. Each night, she says, "Puleeeeze don't forget to bring Sassy upstairs before you go to bed!" (said with an attitude, of course). Like it's my responsibility to take care of that. It's her cat, she can just take her upstairs as she goes up for the night. But NOOOOOO it would inconvenience her too much. Or is it that she likes the nightly "ritual" too much to stop?!
Well, last night I just finished getting ready for bed, amid the "MOM!!" shouts, climbed into bed (oh yeah, she realized I wasn't answering her and proceeded to stomp the floor, which is above our bedroom, to get my attention! LOL) As I climbed into bed, my husband said, "she's yelling and banging on the floor for you." I said that I heard her, but I wasn't gonna respond to her. He agreed.
FINALLY, she came stomping down the stairs, FLUNG open the door at the bottom of the stairs, and called her cat. I calmly said her name, and she says, "I'M ON THE PHONE!!" I told her, calmly, don't call for me from upstairs. She slammed the door shut on her way back up stairs, stomping all the way up the stairs.
Now, does this sound like an adult??? She so badly wants to be treated like an adult, yet continues to act this way.
I told my husband as she stomped away that I am using Alanon tools to just let it go, but what I REALLY wanted to do was to go upstairs, and interrupt her phone call by saying, "JAIME!!! JAIME!!! JAIME!!" (her name) right outside her bedroom door! But I didn't...sigh...
Also, she had come home earlier that evening, from a day at her grandpa's house swimming. She has a habit of, upon arriving home, throwing her keys in the bottom of her purse. We keep our back door locked all the time because an alley runs behind our house. I was cooking supper, the microwave and tv were on, and I was in my own little zone. I heard a faint knock, but by the time I looked out the glass door, she was unlocking the door. When she came in, I said, "hi, how was your day?" She looks at me and says "DID YOU NOT HEAR ME KNOCKING???!!!" I said, "no, the tv and micro were on, and by the time I saw you, you were unlocking the door."
I've asked her repeatedly to not knock, just to have her keys ready to unlock the door to come in. But NOOOOOOOO, she can't seem to get that through her beautiful, blonde head!!! Who knows, sometime I could be upstairs, or in the shower, and she will just stand there knocking, steaming the whole time, because I wasn't at her beck and call!!!! AAARRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!
My sponsor has told me many times not to engage in her rantings. So last nite I refused to get pulled in. Yippeeee, I did it!!
CAN YOU HEAR ME? Oh my! This is the girl that is getting ready to go off to college? What's she gonna do when she can't get in to see her professor? Perhaps you might want to get her professors in a 12 step program before they have her for a student!
You did just great. Keep on going. I'm proud of you. Hang in there Mom, school starts soon. As for the cat, she does have legs rights? Maybe retraining the cat would be easier than your daughter!
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
P.S. School starts soon!
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I feel ya! My son does the same thing only his room is downstairs. I told him to quit yelling up to me for the same reason, I can't hear him and stand at the top of the stairs saying What? What? I'd really boil when the answer would be..Can you throw me down a _______(fill in blank).
OK, let me stop what I'm doing, go to the stairs, try to hear yelling, go get what he wants and throw it down the stairs. NOT!!!!!
Like your daughter, for all that yelling he could have done it himself by the time I figure out what he said. Now he's taken to calling me on my cell phone from downstairs when I won't answer the yelling...So I concocted a plan. The other night I answered my cell and pretended to be a recording..lol I said : The slave you are trying to reach is out of service at this time... If you would like something from upstairs you can: press #1. To get it yourself press #2. To get it yourself press #3. To get it yourself Thank you for calling Slave No More and you may get off your a$$ and hang up at anytime..
ROFL... He came up laughing and said "cute Mom, real cute!!"
I try to use humor when I can and it seems to get the message across w/o a fight.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Thanks rtexas, kari, and Christy for the replies. Christy, your idea about the message when he calls your cell is right on! I'm going to have to use that one, as she also does that when I can't hear her or when she is lying down upstairs.
Kari, about college starting soon, she will still be living at home (sigh...), just commuting with a few friends back and forth to college. Her new excuse when she starts school will be, "Mom, you aren't nearly as busy as me, why can't you do (fill in the blank...)!!" "Mom, I'm doing my homework, and I can't come down to get my cat, CAN YOU PULEEEEEZE BRING HER UPSTAIRS??????"
I told her, calmly, don't call for me from upstairs. She slammed the door shut on her way back up stairs, stomping all the way up the stairs. 
I said, "no, the tv and micro were on, and by the time I saw you, you were unlocking the door."
Who knows, sometime I could be upstairs, or in the shower, and she will just stand there knocking, steaming 
the whole time, because I wasn't at her beck and call!!!! AAARRRGGGGHHHHHH!!! 
Oh my! This is the girl that is getting ready to go off to college? What's she gonna do when she can't get in to see her professor? Perhaps you might want to get her professors in a 12 step program before they have her for a student! 
Hang in there Mom, school starts soon. As for the cat, she does have legs rights? Maybe retraining the cat would be easier than your daughter! 