The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have trouble opening up with people. I have a sponsor who I talk to on a regular basis, as well as good friends and even family. But I just don't know how to talk about how I'm doing. I always end up talking about superficial things, or what my husband is doing or how my kids are. But not me. I can talk to my husband most easily (which I'm glad about), but I feel it's not fair to anybody if he is the only person I talk to. Any suggestions?
i think that's a great topic. i have a hard time myself. and it's gotten pretty bad lately. my ex mil was just the oppisite. in the first five minutes of knowing her she told me her entire life story with all the abuse and all the men and all the problems. and that's how she is. she doesn't think about the fact that she maybe hurting others with her openness or that someone at the store really doesn't care and they have their own story. so i used to trust people and tell them my truth even when they didn't ask. then i got burned. so i stopped talking all together. but in this program i feel safe and i trust the people here that they are comming from a place of love and they are not out to gain anything from me. so i am learning to trust but i am being more careful about who i trust and for me that is a good thing. i have heard here in this program not to trust untrustworthy people. makes sense! i don't know if this helped at all but you are not alone on this journey...
I don't know where I am today. I feel a little under the weather and sad and scared. Lots of stuff is happening and most of it good, but I still feel like such a stranger in my own life at times. I am much more of an observer than ever before and I am more cautious with my trust. I went from being wide open and wounded to shut down and healing. Now I am trying to walk back out of the center of this self-created maze. Today it just feels like I am going in circles...a different one, but a circle nonetheless. I can sense a difference in my interactions with others and I am not nearly as gullible as in the past. But I see this creates a standoffishness with certain people and I wonder if I will ever again land with people I trust and who trust me...outside of a meeting, I mean. That possibility feels far away today. I know this is part of my stinkin' thinkin', but it often feels like recovery means I will be punished and abandoned and alone for being healthier than a lot of those around me. I also know this is part of my lack of Trust in my Higher Power. I just can't figure out what to do to feel closer to that Spirit today. I am in need of a skin-faced god, I believe.
Great post and great subject. I saw the subject as having to do with self confidence and being un-assured of youself? I know that when I started doing my lessons on self acceptance and self improvement that problem started dwindling. I was born and raised in the disease of alcoholism. This is not good planting ground for a healthy and balanced ego so what was I left with before I came into the Al-Anon Family groups but carrying the flag of no esteem and negative appreciation that my family handed to me while I tried to keep them happy and healthy. I didn't know who I was or who I was supposed to be. Part of me was made up and unhealthy and that part covered the real me. What a mess!!
Going to meetings and picking topics regarding the issue is very helpful. You get a lot of feedback and support from others with similar experiences. Getting as much literature on the subject and keeping an open mind about what you hear and read works great wonders. You get to choose from time to time what might be helpful and you get to choose what you won't use. (just like program..."take what you like and leave the rest.") Counselors help at times and you don't need to do that for ever. A great sponsor is my favorite because I get to be as wide open and honest with my sponsor as I need to without getting judgements, put downs, discounting statements, scolded or "shouldas" or attitudes other than love and acceptance. One need I do get from my sponsor is honesty.
Just some suggestions that have worked for me.
Here have some ((((((((hugs))))))))) and gratitude.
I don't know if this is helpful or not, but there are actually some things that are most likely "better shared" with your sponsor, than your husband!! For many relationships, some of the depth and fears that we carry, as a result of the addictions in and around our lives, are too much of a burden - particularly if your hubby is, in fact, the A in your life!
Just something to ponder
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
But I just don't know how to talk about how I'm doing. I always end up talking about superficial things, or what my husband is doing or how my kids are. But not me. I can talk to my husband most easily (which I'm glad about), but I feel it's not fair to anybody if he is the only person I talk to. Any suggestions?
