The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
We often talk about "filling the void" when our A's are active. We are told to work on our recovery, be extra good to ourselves, find a new hobby, etc.
So it now begs the question what do you do when your A is in recovery? The first year is the most difficult for not only them but for us as well. We are readjusting to life with a sober person. For some, we haven't seen that in 20 years. I have seen lots of posts lately about recovering As, and the lonliness that is felt when they work on their recovery. It doesn't seem to matter how long this person has been in recovery. I've seen posts that lament the fact that their A is spending too much time in AA or whatever program they choose. I am not taking anyone's inventory, or saying that these feelings don't matter. Of course they do. Heaven knows I have enough trouble taking my own, let alone anyone elses!
What I am saying is that we are taught to fill the void when they are active, so why is that any different when they are in recovery?
This past week hubby and I have seen very little of each other. I worked overtime, and then the time we were suppose to spend with each other, he was asked to help with an intervention. Now he has decided that he wants to spend an extra night with his kids.
I started a new book, and instead of turning the TV on last night, I crawled into bed extra early, put some good music on and read. Despite the empty space in bed next to me, I slept great. Pipers Kitty kept Dad's spot warm for him.
Tonight, I have preseason football on (GO EAGLES - sorry sweet Andrea ),cooked a good dinner and played with the cat. I am trying to fill the void with things that I love doing and I can do without feeling guilty about it because there are dished left in the sink, or I didn't get all the paperwork done.
If recovery means anything, it means taking (IMO) back my life, being good to myself. Of course we need to work our program. That's a given. But how about spoiling me, just because I can and I deserve it? I am not talking about filling the void with things that we should be doing or things that keep us from facing our problems. I am talkin about taking a break, and giving ourselves a break.
What do you to be extra good to yourself? What do you do to take your recovery to the next level? This question is not only intended for those with sober As, but for everybody. We all deserve and are entitled to be spoiled in one way or another.
Love and blessings to you all.
Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I can so relate to what you are saying, not that we don't want them to work there recovery just sometimes we would like to come first and foremost....and the time at meetings as necessary as it is can become a little lonely.........although, not as lonely as when in active addiction...
I have been keeping busy with kids things and also doing things just for me...not much just swimming, shopping and whatever I feel like....
My sink is full of dishes as well and they will be there when I wake up...lol....
I can so relate to your post......just one thing you got wrong........
THE STEELERS ROCK.....THEY ARE THE CHAMPS.......5 TIMES AT THAT........:biggrin
Well, I got the double whammy. A is sober and gone for 3 mo. . While he's gone and things have mellowed out with his sobriety, I've taken to investigating different paths to know my spirit. I don't have to fight for serenity and it gives opportunity for me to investigate different ways of thinking. I've said before I kind of go off the beaten path. I've been reading and learning about different ways of considering what my HP is. I don't want to get flamed for saying too much..lol It's just part of my journey. I just feel now is the time for me to really find my truth.
Beyond that, I've been keeping in close touch with hubby and we are making our way through this new way of life. While he's gone I reverted back to "keep busy mode". I've gotten rid of a bunch of junk via freecycle.org. and I'm not done. There's plenty to do around here. I'm planning on painting the bedrooms and baths at some point. Funny, I used to resent doing everything when A was active. I don't feel that way anymore. I feel like a team, even though he's not here.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Well, that gives me alot to think about. My AHsober moved out a year ago. We have spent alot of time together doing things for/with our grown kids. I have mixed feelings about my life. Do I do the things I do because I like them or because I like doing them with others. I have to look at living my life to the fullest instead of just surviving. For me I have had many voids in my life and too much time being alone even as a child. Well, I think that my challenge is living alone and liking it and doing it well. I won't see my boys until December. Talk about a big void. I am realizing that it was too much for my AHsober to be there for me. He can't even be there for himself. Kitties help!
In support,
Nancy
Taking my recovery to the next level. Now, there is a challenge for me. Thanks.
Pipers Kitty kept Dad's spot warm for him.
),cooked a good dinner and played with the cat. I am trying to fill the void with things that I love doing and I can do without feeling guilty about it because there are dished left in the sink, or I didn't get all the paperwork done. 
I am not talking about filling the void with things that we should be doing or things that keep us from facing our problems. I am talkin about taking a break, and giving ourselves a break. 
