The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Thanks for the advice and pointers everyone. I know that I'm not one who can change his addiction/disease...that is something only he can do for himself. (I have a brother who is a recovering alcoholic/drug addict, so I've somewhat been down this road before.) I do believe that without alcohol he is a completely different person and I've seen a change if even for a few days. Lots and lots of talking, but constructive...which makes a big difference. My choice comes down to whether I could handle going through it again if he happens to "slip". I've made it perfectly clear that I will not live as we have the past couple of months and I really don't know what the future holds for us as a couple. I love him, I will support him, and I will be there for him as much as I can while I work through the issues that I have associated with all of this. As I said, I'm angry and hurt with both the before and aftermath but that is a time thing...nobody can predict how it will turn out in the future.
I don't suppose those in my situation get their own sponser? (don't know whether a LOL should be there or not!) I don't know how he could hide it so well, when it is something I can usually pick up on so quickly with anyone. (That scares me as well, that he can hide it because we could end up going through this all over again simply because I never recognized it in the past.) I guess I'm looking for others stories, how they made the decisions they did to work with their loved one to get through it or how they rebuild the trust and learn to get past all of the lies. Time will tell I guess.
Hiya, Sure, you can get a sponsor. Anyone that is affected by someone else's alcohol use is welcome in Alanon and are encouraged to obtain a sponsor. To find meetings in your area you can call 1-888-425-2666. All you have to tell them is your state and town. They will give you meeting places and times.
As far as other's stories...start reading :) lol
keep coming back Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Going to alanon meetings and getting a sponsor is a great idea. The A does not need to go. Alanon is about u. We learn that alcoholics pretty much affect all who love them. We slowly shift our focus from caring for ourselves, to what the alcoholic is up to. Is he? Isn't he? Will she? won't she? I forgot what I liked to do for enjoyment..Honestly I forgot what enjoyment was.
One of the first things I was told was to try alanon for 6 months, give it a chance, before I made any major decisions or life changes. That was a relief at the time because, I couldn't decided if I wanted white or wheat bread...much less anything major. :) I went to online meetings first (I think that helped me to know what to expect at a face to face alanon meeting). Then on to face to face meetings, which i attend now and try not to miss. I still go to online meetings too. What ever it takes to keep my serenity.
I am really greatful I gave it an honest shot. I read all the literature I could get my hands on. Slowly, I started to see I had so many more choices than I thought I had when I started out. Hope this helps.
You want to get to a place where you will do what is best for you, and it will not really matter whether the A is drinking or not. I realize that sounds like a fairy tale, but the more you take the focus off of him, and put it on yourself, the less attention you will pay to 'is he or isn't he' or his lies.
Until he finds some real recovery, he will lie. He will blame you for everything that goes wrong, and he will feel sorry for himself. He will think that everything that happens is about him. This is whether he is drinking or not - it is the 'ism' that is there whether the alcohol is there or not. If he gets into recovery, and starts to get better, these behaviours will eventually fade, and you will learn whether you can ever trust him again or not.
