The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Gads just got a letter from A. I saw him last week end. I did not "get" what he was telling me.
Not sure if I updated on this? i was shaking really bad when I went to see him. I hate jail. He says,"you are really shaking!" I said,"that is why I don't do anything wrong! Remember I would not let you tell me about jail or handcuffs??"
I tell ya, I HATE to be held down..aha!! moment!! That is why I never wanted to get married!! omg.
Anyway, He was saying he needed to get a backpack and bike so he can get around. I though he meant he wanted to get out, I would take him to where ever he wanted to go and he would have a bike out here. nope.
I get this letter, he is going to go to the shelter, work some, and take in the world again to see things other than a brick wall.
I am so naive. But it is good. He was AA talking, he NEVER does that anymore. He is on his program of recovery. I have a feeling he is going to be at AA meetings a lot.
He said he looks forward to see me, hear me, smell me, touch me. what???? Then says,"I hope this isn't too much, but it is how I feel.
Well I can tell you right now, he has not treated me this nice, been on program like this, since before brain surgery.I am so happy for him.
Again he has me all off balance, shy, like he is a man again.
I gotta say too, I don't care if he goes to a meeting every day. Makes new AA friends, as long as they are NOT women, but he is not like that,never has been.
If I just got to see him when he got home,and sleep with him, and know he is ok,and working hard on his program to get the best out of life he can, I would be the happiest wife in the world.
I love him so much, I want him to be happy and on program with or without me.
Know what he is doing. He does not want to come out here empty handed. He wants to work, get new cloths, get a bike, get some money together. He needs to build himself up.
He needs to get his integrity back. I hope he does. It is ok if I don't hear from him for awhile. I will be sad at times and miss him. But he has to find his life for himself.
I hope I am part of it some time.
Becuz of alanon, I can go on feeding animals, filling the mudhole with water, teaching my new little farm pig,FannieAlice to give me kisses and have 3 dogs in bed with me. heaven....(c:
I am very ok on my own. It will be nice if and when he does call me. But I am proud of him for taking care of himself.
He also said he wanted to work on us, doesn't know what will happen but wants to see where it goes. So it will be good for him to do some growing.
It is all up to him. He told me he cannot promise he won't start smoking again. I told him,that is totally up to him. BUT I told him how nice it is not to have to smell cig smoke at Eden. He said he knows.
Anyway this is cool. Becuz he is not doing the same thing, coming here and mooching off me.
Who is this guy? I hope he cont. on his road of recovery. All I know is just this little stuff he said will be treasured by me forever.
Even if I never see or hear from him again. big sigh. Up to hp, and my A.
Debilyn, you've been through so much and your strength shines right through your post. I aspire to be as mature, supportive, understanding and loving as you are someday. Your posts truly are in inspiration.
What a marvelous little piece of heaven right? After walking on, and getting knees skinned up by, shards of glass along the way..a nice walk in the thick grass must feel like heaven.
It's a pretty common realization that we can not predict what tommorow will bring, but it makes the here and present so much sweeter when we're concentrating on the 'now'. The fact that you have worked a blue streak in Al-anon makes it a bit more comfortable for your own soul,regardless of what else occurs around you.
It is nice to hear Debilyn. Thanks for sharing a little breeze of fresh air known as your optimism and reminding some of us that our sig others can still be hiding in that A shell they've been smothered up in. Ram
thank you for your response. I tell ya, I honestly thought he was gone, dead.
I was so sure, this is really unnerving. I wake up and think, wait a minute, my A is was here yesterday. It is not a dream. I tell ya it is weird.
Then he says that stuff in a letter. I have not heard that kinda talk from him for seven years. I did not even know he felt like that. He always said he loved me. But this stuff, wow.
I did not even know he appreciated how I take care of myself. I love pretty lotions and soap and stuff. hmm
anyway yes, it gives us hope doesn't it? One day at a time for sure Ramz. He has HepC and I have no idea how his liver is now.
It's amazing what they are like when they decide to change their life. Hubby and I went yesterday to get his 60 day coin (a bit late as the car has been in the garage). I was very proud of him. Now he has gotten 60 days before but this time it's different. He's different, I'm different. We have somethings to work through, but we're okay. I do have in the back of my head this slight fear of him relapsing. But it's nothing compared to what it was. I just Let Go and Let God. Miracles do happen. Just gotta have some faith. Now if some miracles could happen with the finances, that would be even better! Ah well, can't be greedy. Just gotta count my blessings.
Glad to hear the happiness in your voice. It's been a long time coming. Love and blessings to you and your family and all the critters (even the frogs )!
Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Your post made me SO happy for you!!! You are so deserving of those nice things that he said to you.... doesn't it feel good? This just shows that the disease makes them so different and uncaring, and when they step back and get some clarity, they realize what is important to them.
You sound so strong and good, okay to be on your own. You love him so much that you want him to be happy with or without you. That is so inspiring and wonderful. Your love is so strong that you just want him to be happy.
Enjoy these moments, life is so short and precious. I pray that things work out for you...it is so nice to hear something positive today!!!
Enjoy those sweet animals, too! They live in the "now" always, don't they? They just hang out, no matter what! That's the way we should all live our lives... roll with the flow...
)! 