The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My Aboyfriend went off drinking and taking drugs for the last five days. He just disappeared. I'm getting better myself now, and don't give my energy away to worrying about him....as best I can. A friend of his told me he's taking drugs (I wouldn't have known this, I was shocked!), and also that he's been shoplifting alcohol. I'm having my eyes opened to a side of him I did't really allow myself to see before.
I'm trying to detatch, but I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed today.
Anyway, last night he left me a message saying he was sorry etc.
I don't want to see him. I'm annoyed with him. I'm upset. I'm disgusted.....and so much more.
But, seems the money's run out now...and the "poor me" pity stage has set in. This is the bit where he thinks a simple sorry just erases all that has happened.
I don't want to go home today, to have to go through a big confrontation and all the upset. I don't feel strong enough. Why won't he just leave me alone. Surely he can see that I don't want this....
I just want to go home and have a bath and watch tv. It's so unfair that I can't just do something so simple.
Maybe it's time to set some boundries. Maybe it's time to think seriously about getting your own place. Maybe it's time to realize that "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten."
I agree with Tiger, boundaries are one of the best things you can do for yourself. But you have to be prepared to stick to them, no matter what. Like a child, if you don't stick to them, the A will realize this, and do what they want if that makes sense. Boundaries are empowering and freeing too. I completely understand the financial aspect of this. When we get stuck financially there seems to be no way out. I have a separate account from hubby. It's my security blanket just in case something happens.
You are entitled to have a good life, and be happy. If recovery means anything it means taking our life back and being good to ourselves.
Live strong,
Karilynn
P.S. We all do the pity pot thing (it's called being human), but we can't let it paralzye us.
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Maybe you can start exploring your other options? Do you have a few girlfriends that you could maybe stay a night or two with until you feel ready to tackle the problem?
Sometimes taking a step back from the situation can give us some clarity, but also we must make sure that we are not running from the situation - We can avoid dealing with things until tempers calm down or the A's are sober, but continual avoidance will get us the same thing over and over again.
So maybe take a few days, stay at a friends house, use the time to try to clear your mind; see where you want to be in your life - read info on boundaries and detachment - try to see if you can decide what you want for You.
Most of all, please be safe and take care of you,
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
Sounds to me like you are on the way, on your journey of recovery.... You are starting to recognize his behaviors for what they are - token attempts by a sick individual, centered around feeding his addiction...
As you read, share, go to meetings etc., you are getting stronger and knowing more & more each day.... Try not to beat yourself up too much if you are not "ready today" to do what you ultimately need to do - it will come when you need to take this action...
Take care of you, and continue to choose recovery for yourself
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I stayed with afriend, and feel better today. I know I'm getting better and I know it's gradual. I'm reading "Getting Them Sober" which was recommeded here. It's very enlightening!
