The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm nervous now. It's the final day, the first people look at the house tomorrow at 430. I did not get everything done of course cause I was trying to fit 2 years worth of stuff into one month along with the depression and other feelings that are all bundled up in this divorce. It is fairly clean, Looks bare with most of my things gone, better that than cluttered I guess. I feel like I should be apologising to them for not been better able to care for my home. I already have apologised to the house
I hope someone wants it right away, for the money issues of course but also because the knowing people are walking thru judging, wanting to change it, etc.
My A after almost 3 days of not drinking, shakes, grouch all of it must have had a few today. Was all talkative and excited talking about how perfect the house was and how someone will love it. I couldn't help it, told him to please stop talking about how perfect my house is. Guess I am starting to get a little angry over it now or maybe it was the drinking part.
I have been so nice and all he did was pick pick pick. I was handwashing the floors, he said use a mop, i said I have some aggression to get out. He flipped me off and left the house. It wasn't about him, but to an A everything is about them isn't it?
I'm so ready. <sigh> But I know I am not too, the closer this all gets the sooner we both get kicked out of the nest to fly or drop.
I'll pray tonight, meditate, do all the nice things i can for myself, try to get rid of this nervous pit in my belly.
Just wanted to say I watch HGTV alot and those shows where they redesign a house for sale.The first thing they always do is get rid of the clutter.The perspective buyers need to see the house,the clutter is distracting.So,actually,being alittle bare is a good thing.
The waiting can be rough.Remember to take care of you.
love and hugs d (praying for a quick sale <-- jennifer's house)
I have been through this whole situation. Fixing things up at the last minute and cleaning the carpets until 3 am.... oh i never want to do it again!!!
Here is my experience... one saturday morning one day that there were no showings we had a lazzy morning, late breakfast and were at the kitchen table when the doorbell rang..some people in the area looking at houses and wanted to come in... well what do ya do right you wanna sell.. so mess and all.. i mean the floor desperately need swept and washed, the kids had toys all over i was so embarassed and tried to get them to come back in an hour if they really wanted to see the house but they wanted to see it NOW. I thought how rude of them but my hubby let them in. to make a long story short they bought our house mess and all. If they want it they will buy it. Take it easy and all will turn out you'll see. In the mean time i hope the best for you.
Jennifer wrote: It wasn't about him, but to an A everything is about them isn't it?
This is the crux of how I feel about my son and his drinking....everything is about HIM. He drives me nuts with his daily ramblings while sober about how his life has been so screwed up by his ex, how his promotion at work is in jeopardy because of the divorce and his ex making sure everyone now knows about their split, how his job is so tough, how he doesn't sleep well at night, how he doesn't have a quality place to live anymore, how he doesn't get to see his son enough and it makes HIM sad, how how how him him him. I love him dearly and pray and hope he can quit the weekend drinking, but the disease does make them self-centered at its worst. I feel for you, Jennifer, going through this splitting up and moving on. You are on the other side of the fence from my son, but grief is so a part of splitting up even if you want it and know it has to be. I am sure my ex-daughter-in-law is sad and grieved. She and I remain on good terms and I take care of their toddler daily...another heartbreak caused by my son's refusal to give up the beer. I try hard to focus on the baby only, leave my son alone and minute by minute turn him over to HP, and stay neutral with my grandbaby's mother. All life with alcoholics is hard. My husband and I are aging, have some minor health problems which are chronic and progressive eventually, and I also have very old parents in another state who are both sick and could use me. Instead, the self-centered son is taking our energy and our very daily life. Your statement about everything being about THEM just hit home with me today and I had to reply. Good luck to you and I hope your house will sell quickly.
Thank you so much for your reply. You hit upon a touchy topic for me. My A's parents and most of the rest of his family will not speak to me. I couldn't help but start getting teary when you wrote of how he percieves his life having been wrecked by his ex, i know those words and worse have or probably will come from mine too.
I want to thank you for being fair, for being civil, and for admitting that everything is not your daughter in law's fault. It takes two to make or break a relationship, I wish my inlaws could understand that. It makes me so happy to see that some people do. And sad that people I was once close to are so dysfunctional with thier own alcohol / drug issues can't.
Oh how I can relate to this topic! All about the A! Mine filed for divorce...moved out and abandoned his daughter and all I hear is how he doesn't get to see her enough. That I am the one who ruined the marriage. How he lost everything! How broke he is now. I cared for a toddler, and elderly mother and an A husband while working full-time. He moved out and into the arms of some slut barmaid while I was left to clean out the house, sell it and make all the repairs and then he took half of the money! I had to pay movers twice to move myself, my office, my mother and our daughter while he drank and played house with his new girlfriend. Then last week after 2 years he says how he really thought we had a chance of getting back together. I was shocked...I said you are kidding right? Like this was all my fault? He immediately replied...well I know by that remark all my hard efforts were a waste of time. What efforts? A's just take and take and take. I can't do it anymore. I am through I tell you. Done...Finito!
<-- jennifer's house)