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Hi group,Some of u know my situation, married to my hub who was an active drinker 4 over 20 yrs, past 4 months started shooting cocaine, i left him 1 month ago, took our 2 kids 600 miles away to my old hometown, i'm in contact few times week with him, he's still using but not as much, he got behind in rent& bills and said he wants to go into rehab but feels he's trapped becuz if he does he'll lose the appt and all our stuff in it, he has hep c and even before started using coke was ill, he's lost alot of weight, prob bout 30lbs in past 3 months, he is fragile phycially and mentally, hes very depressed and doesn't see the light at end of tunnel, he calls me tells me he loves me and kids and wants to get help, he calls his sis tells her hes giving up, what's the use etc, im so worried about his state of mind and his physicial condition, thats hes going to die waiting to get help or overdose or commit suicide out of desperation .Im thinking on going to montreal to see him, but not sure yet,any ideas, suggestions thoughts would be greatly appreciated ty
So sorry to hear about your situation. Sounds like HP needs to handle this one. But since you asked for ideas and thoughts here's mine.
I'm sure you had your reasons for uprooting yourself and the kids to move 600 miles away. Remember why you did this. You are torturing yourself by keeping in contact several times a week. Cut back to once a wk then gradually less. Try to make it short conversations, just to check in. If he calls you, you are temporarily busy and will call him back whenever. Maybe he'll eventually get the hint you are trying to move on with your life and will stop trying to play you for sympathy. If he really truely wants to go to rehab, he shouldn't worry about the appt. and belongings. What good are they anyways if you don't have your health! I think going to Montreal is a good idea only if to help him check in to rehab. When I start to worry about my A (threatened to simply blow his brains out ) I'll start saying just the 1st 5 words of the Serenity Prayer. over and over. God grant me the serenity. To me, these means here, HP, You deal with this, I need peace.
Again this is only mythoughts and myideas. So I suggest give it to HP.
If I were you, I would go see him with out kids. If that is possible.
I am not one to want to have any regrets. You may get some time to see him before you cannot anymore.
This sounds very serious.
I would go for myself. If he asks you to take him to rehab, put stuff in storage, or a uhaul, whatever, that is up to you.
Remember he has a horrible disease and is very sick. Only you know how much you want to be involved.
Again do what you need to for YOU.
I have to know if my A can make it this time. If I don't I will always wonder. So that is me. I will not have regrets. Am adament about that in my life.
i have never been sorry when I let him come back or when I told him to leave.
Shooting coke is so expensive! You be careful too becuz it is illegal and if he gets busted you do too.
oh boy this is such a sad situation. Please keep us posted, take care of you. give him my love and you all are in my prayers.
My guess is he is trying to control and manipulate you into getting him out of trouble again. Doing all he can to do it too. IF you keep running to him he will never stop hun. You offered him help, you went with him and he refused it. You said he was still using. To me that means he doesnt have intentions of stopping anytime soon. He hasnt found his bottom yet. You going to get him out of his messm yet again, will drive youself crazy. You got away because of this reasin hun. You are enabling him also if you do that. You got away 600 miles and every time i talk to you you seem ten times calmer than when you lived here. IF he did do something that would be on his hands not yours. Serenity hun its not wrong to take care of yourself and put you and you children first. I am so happy you decided to leave for you.
kerry
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Life can only be understood backwards, But it must be lived forwards
