The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
How in the world do you deal with someone just 'vanishing' from your life? How do you not think it's about YOU...??? I don't believe the person is drinking... it is a woman friend, online... just said 'goodbye' and nothing else.
I'm sorry. It's a hard thing to deal with. I have the same problem with a friend. This person kind of drifts in and out of my life. Each time I see him, I wonder if it will be the last time. It used to make me sad and really hurt my feelings, but I've let it go. I appreciate the time I spend with him and accept that it's just the way he is. I guess some people are like that and I doubt they realize how hurtful it can be. In any case, it's not personal (I hope!). I've found that all the Al-Anon tips work even in a case like this.
Sometimes you have to cut them loose in order for them to find their way back to you. That's hard. Perhaps this person just needs some time and space in order to do what they have to do. Once in a while I end up taking a break from my friends, because of what I am going through, and I need to concentrate on me. Other times they need to take a break. I have a really good friend whom I haven't seen nor heard from in 3 months. It's not that we don't care about each other, it's just we both live chaotic lives. When she calls, it's like no time has passed at all. I hope whatever is going on with your friend, she just needs to find her way back. Try not to take it personally. It's likely the problem doesn't lie between you and her, but with whatever is going on in her life.
Love and blessings to you.
Live strong,
Karilynn
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I have left all of my online friends but for me it was because I needed to focus on me and find out what was missing in my life and repair it the best I could. I wasn't a fun person to be around anymore. I felt I was dragging them all in my funk with me. The way I look at it is simple. My HP puts people in my life for various reasons. Weither it be to learn from them or share an experience with them. Or to just get to know them and be a shoulder when one is needed. Whatever the reason, I know that everyone I have talked to in the past has touched my life in one way or another. I hope I have done the same for them. As far as me and my online friends, I still miss them terrible. But my focus has to be on me, tried to do it differently in the past and it didn't work for me. This is the only way my recovery is working for me for right now. When I am ready to be back online with all my friends again my HP will show me the way. I hope this helps some. I know I miss my friends as I am sure you are missed too.
(((((((Jonibaloni)))))))), So here is a hug from a new online friend
I'll give a little insight from the other side, as I am one of those friends who just disappears for long periods.
Different people have different levels of closeness they fell comfortable with. I had to laugh when DoN4me said she had a friend who she hadn't seen for three months - for me, every three months or so is about right. More than that and I start to feel claustrophobic. I have tried to make changes in how I am, when I realize that a certain person needs more from me, but it doesn't work. After a while, I start distancing myself, I just need to. My marriage has survived because my husband has never worked a nine to five, home every night job - I couldn't stand him if I saw him every day. My kids have learned to give me time alone, long walks by myself, etc. Any friendships which have lasted have been with people who can accept this part of me - they get their day to day needs met by different friends. Those who can't accept that let me go, and I don't blame them a bit. The point is, it is all about me - it doesn't matter if they are the best people in the world.
All of that said, sometimes the best way to find out what's up is to ask - "Was it something I said?" Maybe you did say or do something, and an apology or explanation will heal the breach. Only one way to find out.
Uggghs, and OUCHES..... but you guys are probably right...
This type of thing, though, makes me not WANT to have friends.... I have a sponsor for 6 years, and a couple people who are like family. They have never done this to me, nor have I to them. I don't like this at all. I guess I don't have to like it.
I will admit, though, it makes me want to 'close up' a little wall around me....
My online friend of a couple of years had a car wreck. He did not drink or do drugs just a family guy. He was realistic & sarcastic kinda like me. He sent me pics of his car wreck. the car was upside down & all I could make out was a hand hanging out a window. He says he was driving home & does not remember anything beyond that. The Dr's think he blacked out and lost control. he said they were doing tests to find out what happened. He would talk to me sometimes but not as much. I kept up with him on his xanga blog too. He had not been able to return to work for months. He broke a bunch of bones all over. I thought he was getting better. Then one day he writes on his blog that he will be gone for some time. That was March 30, 2005. I wrote him a letter to his home, sent emails, and even called he was in tears and said he could not talk. I miss him terrible. I worry what is wrong. I told him I have dealt with having loved ones with cancer, tumors, depression, & suicide hoping he would open up but no. One person told me he told them why he would not be online. I was hurt because I have known him longer.
Another is in real life, I had been friend with a girl since H.S. We met in 1977 and were best freinds I thought. We were family in my heart. Her 2 kids are mine. I am their Aunt. I spent 10 days helping plan her 2nd wedding back in 1990. I used to go visit every chance I got. I live in GA & they are in SC. We were closer than her and her sister she wrote and told me after the wedding. I would never do anything to hurt her. It is as if I do not fit in with her and her new husbands family. they are not blood either. I do not know what happened or when it happened. I told her to ask me anything. If there were any problems to let me know. Over the years , I guess we grew apart. She stopped returning phone calls, answering letters or email. I asked her about this she said she calls no one. HUH? Why does she have a cell phone then? How does she manage to meet another friend every year and rent a beach house for a week on the outer banks of N.C? Osmosis, I guess. I saw her a few years ago & I felt like a stranger. I was leaving her home & she followed me outside & said I love you! I was stunned. I looked back at here & said I love you too. but I was thinking WHAT? It could be several reasons for the cold shoulder but I will never know.
I could go on & on about those that left my life with no reasons why but........................I feel that some questions in life have no answer.
I hope this gives you some peace of mind. You are not alone.
