last night and today were hellish. last night my 3 year old said the bump on her head was because my mother's live in alcoholic hit her. i wanted to throw up and then kill him. but i didn't react. we ate dinner and i thought about what to do and how to do it. it was late so my decision was to go home and put them to bed and put it out of my head and sleep. which i did. not before i let myself feel overwhelmed. pulled out the laundry list of all the really bad things that have been happening and wonder where my hp was, poor me, poor kids etc. when i woke up this morning i wanted to talk to my dad's friend. i've been missing my dad so much lately there is so much that i want to tell him and get his reaction to and advice. but he is gone but i thought maybe his best friend might be a good substitute. we are kind of close and getting closer. before i even had a chance to call him this morning he called me to check on my 7 year old and her rash. he was on his cell and headed out of town so i didn't say a word about my 3 year old. i called the pediatrician and made an appt and we went on with our day. i have a friend in the program who is a ss worked and we are close too. i thought i should call her for advice and support. (my dad's friend is also a recovering a) but i didn't call. i just kept praying that god please put the right people in my path and please let me say the right things to get the help i need. went to the dr's. she said everything looked ok and that it was a bite that was causing the swelling on her head. she said that i should just remove the child from the situation(my plan already) and that would be all a ss agency would say also. ofcourse all day in my head i had been having these arguments with my mother. but i didn't call her.when i got home my ss friend had called and left a message. hp sending me support and love. then my ex a came over and i wound up telling him the story. he had no reaction although i could see him struggling with it. but the end of the story is my mother called and i told her that i didn't want her friend around my kids. and i told her what my 3 yr old said and she told me that her firend had taken her to the pool and my 3 yr old jumped in when he wasn't looking and smashed him in the lip with her head. his lip was all swollen. whoops. but i didn't overreact. i prayed for help and got it in all sorts of ways and thank god my child wasn't abused.so i feel that god doesn't do things to us or let them happen to us but when things happen to us hp is right there when we turn to him. that has been something i have learned here. a new way of thinking. but what are the lessons i am supposed to be learning here? if i had a better relationship with my mother, even one where we could at least talk, i could have avoided all the drama that when on in my head today. if she chose a better life partner then there would never be an issue. but she is very sick. and i am learning how to get better. but man i hope i get what this is supposed to teach me soon. before i drive everyone else around me nuts. god knows what my ex a will do with the info. i can't get a hold of him to tell him the real story. guess i'll just say another prayer.