The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I met my husband when he had a year and a half sobriety, we have now been together for 6 years and he has 7+years sobriety now. I have never known him when he was drinking and I have never been around other alcoholics before, not friends or family.
I have been very supportive and understanding of my husband's involvment with AA and have gone to many meetings with him over the years.
From time to time, my husband and I go through what I believe are average marital problems but every time we do he tells me that I need to go to Alanon to get help with my "issues."
Could someone please let me know what issues Alanon would help me to deal with because I have no idea what he is talking about. It always seems that when he is on the losing end of a disagreement that "[I] need help with [my] issues."
I would like to extend a welcome to you. Glad you found us.
First, I find it hard to answer your question. Not knowing your "issues" or what the disagreements are about.
However, I have been with my hubby for almost 9 years. He has been active in his addiction of and on that whole time. I came into alanon to heal.
If have found that I can use this program in every aspect of my life. I use it at work, with my parents (who are not alcoholics), my friends, and even at the grocery store when I am stuck behind a rather rude person I use the tools of alanon.
I have learned to trust in my HP again, I have learned to let go, I have learned to stop focusing on my hubby and more on me. I have learned that I have no control over him, only me.
We have meetings here online, feel free to come to one.
Maybe he says that you need alanon to keep from looking at him, who knows, but this is a great program, and maybe you can get something out of it.
The choice is yours, now that you know where we are.
Yours in recovery,
Dolphin123
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
It's funny to me that the alcoholic, whether active or sober, always seems to know what's best for US! LOLOL!
I believe what he is referring to may be this...we need to be responsible for our "side of the street", meaning in a nice way, to leave his stuff alone. Not that that's what you're doing, minding his business, but maybe that he perceives it that way. In Alanon, we learn to take care of OURSELVES, rather than become involved in their issues. We learn to take the focus off of them and put it back on us, for our own well-being and sanity.
I know that Alanon is a great tool for me to use just in everyday life, whether my husband is active or not. (He's been sober for 2 years and 3 months!) Alanon helps me find answers to issues such as boundary problems, detachment, codependency, enabling...the list can go on and on and on!
I hope you'll visit us in the Alanon chat room. There's lots of experience, strength and hope in there.
Although i havent been here long i can tell you that this board and alanon helps.. !! It validates my feelings lets me know that I am not alone.. It is amazing when you post something here how many will respond that they are either going thru it or have gone thru it in the past.. Alanon has taught me things I wish i would have known years ago !! I still struggle with letting go but I am working it and getting stronger with each day..
Welcome I am glad you found this board.. There are so many wonderful encouraging people here all who care about you and what you are going thru..
