The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am very new to this board. I have been reading over all the posts for the past two days and have learned a lot of things. One is, for sure I am not alone in this. I knew I wasn't, but to hear that other people have the same problems with thier lives and struggle with the AH or AW the same way I do and have the same hurts and stress that I am feeling. In a way it comforts me, but makes me sad that we have to live like this.
I have gone to Al-anon meetings but didn't share anything and didn't take much from it. I am going to try it again as soon as I find one in my town. I have the number to call tomorrow.
My AH was sober for 17 years, and this past year and a half has decided that was long enough and started drinking beer again. It has been the hardest thing for me to handle. He is so deadset that what he is doing is okay and he has every right to do it. Then I have to hear the list of things he does and what a good man he is, and I never said he wasn't, but that he deserves to drink all weekend.
I really hate my life this past year and a half with him. We have fought so much and vacations and get-togethers with friends have been ruined because I have felt so embarrassed by his actions. I just don't want to go through this again. We have been married for 20 years, and I feel like this is going to be the ruin of my marriage.
I can feel myself getting depressed already because the weekend is coming. I told him yesterday that every day he doesn't drink is a good day for us and I didn't want to waste it being mad. And the days he does drink, well, I have to learn how to handle myself so I don't let my emotions get the best of me. I don't know if that was the right thing to say or not.
We bought tickets to go to the fair and see some stupid band he likes, Velvet Revolver or something like that. I wasn't going to go as of last week when we got in another big fight over his drinking. He asked me last night if I was going to go and I asked him if he was going to drink and he said yes. I didn't have the guts to tell him, then, no, I am not going. I really don't want to go, but I feel obligated to go and torture myself once again in public with him getting drunk. What's wrong with me? But I am to cowardly to tell him no.
When he wasn't drinking all those years, I felt so safe. Now, when he drinks, I don't feel safe anymore. And when we are someplace like a concert and he drinks, I really don't feel safe. Telling him that will do no good because he won't admit he has a problem. He says he is not an alcoholic and does not want to be labeled one anymore.
It's funny, you can argue with them about alcohol, but somehow they seem to be able to turn the argument around and all of a sudden it's you that's is in the wrong, not them.
I know I need help and I plan on going to meetings and reading the books. I just wanted to say that you are all a wonderful group of people and I have enjoyed your posts and have learned a lot from them.
Thanks for listening. I am looking forward to joining in on some of the conversations.
Welcome Nan, and I'm pretty sure you'll like the mix of good folks here at MIP. If you are like me, you might find that you are more 'ready' for Al-Anon than before - I know that I went for a short while, decided it couldn't help me... and then went back almost two years later, with basically the same group of people, only this time I was ready to be there and start my life getting better...
I'd also encourage you to try the "Getting Them Sober" books, by Toby Rice Drews.... all four volumes are wonderful.
Once again... welcome, and hope you stick around!!
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I am so glad u found us. This is a great place to start recovery. Hope that you stop in the chatroom. We have 2 meetings there each day. You will meet wonderful people there with lots of experience, strength, and hope. Getting to local meetings should be part of your plan too. You are right when you say you are not alone. Alononers are waiting to give you a hug and support.
