The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
(I thought) the appt I have Thursday to see the neurologist at 2:45am. I am suppose to get the results of my sleep study test & CTScan. And find out why I am having these migraines. I was hoping to make it to this appt. I was hoping to get on some new medications before I leave on the 26th. If I call and cancel now, It will be well over one month before I can get a new appt.
I totaled the carborator on our truck the other day. It is ruined and there is no part to fix it.( I thought) we had decided to buy a new one for around $220. I thought my A was going to call today while I was at work from 2 to 8 pm.
We went to the new neighbors next door and talked to them for 2 hours. They are wonderful people. It was around 11pm. I was getting tired & she drove us home. It is really dark out here. Well, I went inside to go to bed. (I thought.) I did not want to let all the dogs outside in the fenced in yard with the neighbor outside. Well the dogs would not shut up barking inside the house. I finally got up and let them outside. I looked and the neighbors family members came over. It was now midnight. They got to hold our littlest one dog 5lbs and she did not shake. They got to pet several of our dogs and not get bit or nipped. They went home around 1am.
I tried again to go to bed. A few minutes later Tina my A asked for my help. One of our cats came home after missing 2 weeks. She was on the roof of our house. I do not know how she got there. She was glad to be home. She used to be skittish not now. I think a neighbor who is bad mouthing us had her inside their home. Well, Tina stayed up til 3:30am with the prodical cat.
so I did not get up when I had planned on getting up. I had planned on making phone calls before going to work. The new neighbor took me. They offered us their 1991 Lincoln Continental for $250. The rear end is draggin the ground. I want my truck running not a big car. I offered to rent their car. I did call one neighbor and she is busy tommorrow.
Tina, my A told me not to bother her today with phone calls home , she would do her best. She had other stuff to do. She called around 6pm and said the new neighbor wanted to know if I needed a ride home. DUH! I can not really call out where I work. It is long distance. I have tried to explain this to Tina. She was sober too.
Well, I got home around 8:30pm .( I thought) she would have called to find the cost of a new carborator and locate one. (I thought) she would have called to secure me a ride to this IMPORTANT appt. Here it is almost 9pm and I am calling everyone I know to secure a ride. I get two answering machines & one neighbor can't do it, another one the new neighbor has something to do. I have a personal thing of not calling anyone after 9pm unless it is an emergency.
Tina said another neighbor/ friend said she would take me maybe but it will cost. The problem we had with them in the past was they had a toyota corolla newer model and before gas cost went above $2.00. They wanted $20 for a 60 to 70 mile round trip to town and only one stop.I asked her to call so I did not get sacrastic with them and offer them all the money I had to get to town. hmm their car got like 30 miles to the gallon back then. this is a friend we talk to almost everyday.
Great! My A,Tina just busted her head open and it is bleeding. She went to let the dogs inside & the weedeater cracked her in the head. It is surface wound. I do not do blood it makes me sick. I have it stopped and bandaged now.
I was trying to sleep before I got online. I could not. Nothing is going as (I thought). I have asked everyone I am know for help. It is hard for me to ask for help. I had to reboot the computer first. ( I am thinking ) of getting up early and hitch hiking into town. I can not miss this appt. I might be able to get a friend or two to give me ride around town. My appt is at 2:45pm & it will cost $62. I have to get the results. Only 7 more days till I can leave for a while. I might be able to get off some medications if I find a reason for these migraines. I am sick to my stomach now & have a migraine too. gee I wonder why? I am trying to not depend on my A for anything. I can not do it all by myself.
I don't have any answers for ya but sending a big hug. i understand those days when nothing seems to go right and my skills are not helping like I think they should. i wish you the best, you're in my prayers.
Go to the appointment. Hitchhike if you must, though I hope you found someone to give you a ride or lend you a car. Make sure that you have everything you want to say to the doctor either comepletely straight in your mind, or even written down if you are like me and tend to forget when stressed.
The reason I am being so blunt and telling you what to do in this way is that I suspect you are like most of us, and will only take care of yourself if ordered to!
There is nothing wrong with doing what you need to, to get what you need. To say things like "I'd love to stay up and chat, but I have an early morning tomorrow" and then go to bed. It is not rude to call at night in an emercency, if you apologize and don't do it too often.
It sounds, from your posts, like the two of you are living very close to the bone - where every little thing that goes wrong causes enormous trouble. I'd like to advise you to take a real close look at your life, and see where you can cut yourself some slack. A life needs slack - you can't assume that things like the carborettor won't happen; that's the way life is, things go wrong sometimes. When people careen from crisis to crisis, their health suffers. You won't be able to do the things that really matter to you, if you are hospitalized, or bedridden.
I don't know what would be the thing you could give up, in order to make your life more manageable - maybe some of the animals, maybe something in your living arrangements, maybe a different job closer to home, maybe give up your A (hehe). I bet that right now you don't know, either. If you had come to me when my life was at its worst, I would have sworn that every stressor in my life was necessary, that I HAD to do all of these things, and that I had to do them this way. Looking back now, from a healthier place, I see that I did everything the hard way. If there was a cheap and easy-to-get machine that would do it, I'd do it by hand. I think in some ways it was my way of keeping my pride - the further my A slipped from any sense of what was right and proper, the more I felt it was up to me to maintain standards all by myself. The lazier and less dependable he got, the harder I worked. The problem was, this doesn't work. One person really can't do the work of two, no matter how hard they try. You're right, you can't do it all alone, and you can't count on your A. So, something has to change.
I hope you don't feel like I am scolding you, or telling you what to do. It's that I see myself so much in your story, though the details are different, and I know now that it doesn't have to be this hard. Take what you like, leave the rest.
Hi I agree with Lin and you know probably what you are experiencing right now is pure frustration at the lack of having independence. I have always had my own vehicle and I can relate to how annoying it is when you have to rely on other people. Remember this too shall pass you will get your own transport soon and everything will start to go a little smoother. Luv Leo xxx
I am trying to not depend on my A for anything. I can not do it all by myself.