Hi jj, good to see you back. :) I missed you. I went back and checked your last post, can't 1/2 remember my own name most of the time. I wonder if the kick in the head by the horse did it?

Anywho.. yes, I too have wondered at times if I were an A too. I really like a cold beer or two after supper, especially if it's been hot outside. It seems the only thing that quenches my thirst! When I first got together with my A, I used to get drunk with him sometimes, and do some crazy things! Although, once I figured out it was the alcohol making me crazy, I don't get drunk any more, no matter what. Maybe it's the control issue, me being such a co-dependant. I lose control of him, and myself. (been reading lots of alanon approved books lately!)

This past week has been rough. I was thinking it might be time to call it quits with my A. He had been doing sooo well, but it's summer!! I always dread summer because of his long binges. He got drunk twice in one week, while my family and I were trying to celebrate my birthday, you can check my earlier posts.

I forgot all my alanon learning, and got really mad! Yelled, screamed, locked him out, the whole nine yards.(he did threaten to kick the door down and punch me in the face) It scared me, because he punched me once before. He said some really nasty things, and I bit. When I practice detatchment, we don't get into it like that. I just figured it was binge-time for him, and I hate it. I had set a boundary that he is not to be near me when he gets drunk, for my own protection and sanity! Soooo... he said he got drunk here 'for me' so I wouldn't wonder where and what he was doing and with who. How considerate, eh? I reminded him about my boundary. Well, we have hardly spoken for 3 days. I haven't been civil at all, and used some of the language on him that he had used on me. (normally, neither of us swears).

I tried 'cooling down' by going to the beach, but I was really obcessing and even that didn't work for long. He's been going away each day on his own, but coming home sober. He went away this morning, then I went away this afternoon. I guess we both 'cooled down' this afternoon. I called him to let him know I would be later than I thought, and when I got home, there was a beautiful bouquet of flowers on the table! AAWWWW!!! I had bought him a nice pair of slippers too. So, the crisis is over, but we still need to talk. We are going to work together tomorrow, so looks like things are on the mend.

I was crying the other night, thinking to myself that it's not him I hate and want to fight, it's the damn disease!! But I can't fight the disease, so I'm obscessing on all the books I can get ahold of about alanon, and living with an alcoholic. Found another one today :)

Wow! Sorry this is so long, guess I still had some I needed to get out. Thanks for your patience :), now that your eyes need a rest, I'd better sign off. Love you all! TLC

Oops! Not gonna have that rest yet, I too am addicted to tobacco, and as R Texas(?) I think, brought up how he is at an airport, it REALLY made me think! I'm the same way!! I don't go visit anyone who doesn't smoke, no matter how much I may like them. I'd be the same at an airport!! Makes me really able to relate a lot better!! I really isolate myself from my grandkids because I don't want to smoke near them. Wow! What a serious thing to think about! And then, I think of the A having that same feeling when it comes to alcohol! Hope you read this Tex! Now maybe I'll work with the 12 steps to stop smoking??? (maybe) Sure gives me an idea how hard it can be for an A! OK folks, Bye for now, your long-winded friend, TLC