The material presented
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I don't get to read the posts everyday...but I have time now to wish Karen a Happy Belated Birthday!! I'm turning 49 in a week from today...(UGH) and I'll be on vacation with my "A" down in New Orleans.(For NINE days)! EWWWWWWW, I'm not looking forward to it AT ALL!! He'll be the one who's having a great time...( drinking from sun up to sun down) while I'll be wishing I was back home and at work instead. Sounds like a wonderful time to look forward to, huh? <LOL> I was looking forward to leaving him last month and getting a divorce, but he wanted to go on this vacation and I couldn't say no, without him becoming suspicious about my plans. He hasn't fixed the brakes on my car...that's one reason I'm still here, and the money I worked for that's in the bank is taking us on this vacation. So...it looks like I'm stuck here until I can save up the $$$ again...and I have my car fixed. The divorce papers are sitting up in the closet in a box with the money to pay for it and I can't do anything about it. Isn't that the craziest thing? I'm just thinking my HP is doing something here that I'm not aware of yet, and when the time is right, I'll know. So for now...I'll just go on this vacation and let go and let God handle it HIS way...what ever happens. I'll be the one who's doing the driving, so that's one good thing even tho it just ERKS me to no end that I can't enjoy the scenery and being wor-ried about how he's going to embarrass me next! And then there's the arguing over how I'm driving when I've not killed him yet in over 13 years! <LOL> I'm sure some of you can relate to that scenerio!!! <LOL> EWWWWWWWWWWW!!!! Makes me mad just thinking about it! <LOL> I sure hope by the this time next year when I turn the BIG 5 0...I'll be on the road to a brand new stable and sane life (God willing)...because one more year of this might be what kills me! I hate thinking that way...but I'm at the age I'm petrified that all the stress and worry is going to cause me to have a stroke or heart attack!! Heart disease runs rampid in my family!! Scary! Well...thanks for letting me vent ya'll. I'll be in the chat room hopefully when I get back home. I've finally downloaded the thingie to get me in there...<LOL> Now I just can't find the time to get in there to meet ya's!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! It's always something!!! So, I will close for now, and I wish you all SAFE and GREAT days ahead while I'm away. See ya later. I hope!!! Hugs, Korinne
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Today, I am grateful to be on the path of dealing with my life and continuing to grow truly stronger.
You say you are going to vacation in New Orleans - Don't know how close to the area you are to that area - but this weekend (21, 22, & 23) there is an Al-Anon convention in Lafayette and then the following weekend there is an AA convention in Slidell (which is very close to New Orleans) The majority of the AA meetings at conventions are open meetings. Maybe you can make some meetings while your A is enjoying "his" vacation - you can find a little time for you -
I live in Lake Charles, LA - and will be at the Lafayette Al-Anon convention - I hate that I won't be able to make the AA convention the following weekend, because if I was maybe we could schedule a time and place to meet - I try to surrounding myself with healthy people when I am dealing with friends/family members that suffer from this disease. It seems to help.
Hoping that you will be able to find something good in your vacation time - there are good things in our state, Louisiana other than drinking!!
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
Actually, I was just thinking that 1) at my last birthday, my father told me that he was sorry he was my father and that I was born, 2) there's al anon in LA, so you don't have to hang out with your husband if you really are loathe to do so, 3) many of the people who are in New Orleans have spent their birthdays in FEMA trailers filling out paper work so they can get some government money so they can get some semblence of life back in order, 4) reguarding your divorce, in the words of the Rabbi Hillel "If not now, When?"
Thank you for the belated birthday wishes. I wish for you some peace for your upcoming birthday and for your vacation.
You are correct in that HP works in ways we cannot understand. I am hearing a lot of cant do in your post. Might I suggest that you replace that with some "I can do's". Please dont project the outcome of your vacation - turn it over - you might be pleasantly surprised. Also dont go with any expectations - this way you will not return with any disappointments. It has been my experience that when I project what will happen - I usually have a hand in the outcome that I projected. When I let it go - it usually is much better than what I could have imagined.
I wish you the best.
Karen
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Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care. Love you all!
Karen
My birthdays are tremendously loaded for me. I am 51 and I don't much see the significance of age anymore. I had huge issues about turning certain dates now I don't but the day itself is very mixed. I also dont' put out there that I shoulda coulda woulda done anything. Getting free of an A is complicated stuff. Some of us leave early some of us leave late. There is no one size fits all maxim. There is no perfect way to leave. I do know I have read here ways people have done it and that gives me great comfort.
I do hope you can find things to do on the road that will sustain you. It is so hard to de-stress when one lives with an A. There is probably no more stressful way of living.
