The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Yesterday I got stung pretty badly by some wasps. My leg is all swollen as is my back.
I don't even bother to tell the A. I know he does not care. He would offer nothing anyways.
I feel incredibly sad that I live with someone who does not care about me. I did not have the courage to admit that before. I made up excuses. I railed against it. I was angry at him about it. It feels very very painful to know he does nothing for me.
He will do certain things but he will never go out of his way. If he does I never hear the end of it and he does it in passive aggressive ways too.
So I've given up. And in giving up I admit that he will do nothing and to ask for nothing.
I ask for the bare minimum in cooperation. I virtually don't speak to him at all.What is there to say? If whatever he says is a lie there is not much left to say is there?
I'm tired of every word out of his mouth being about some friend he can't live without.
When I was fighting him I felt I had some hope. Now I don't feel any hope and its a relief. Why bother to tell him? I know what the answer will be. He is put out by my bee stings nothing more nothing less. How hard it is on him. I saw the signs of no compassion years and years ago but I did not see them, I railed against them. Now I see them, know them and protec myself from them.
it is sad. i'm sorry you were stung. being stung seems like such a shock and uncalled for. made me cry like a little kid. it is sad that we give our love, share our feelings and believe in people who not only can't reciprocate but alot of times seems like they hurt us intentionally. when i finally started comming to terms with this reality i was very sad. i was mourning the loss of the person i thought he was and the life i expected to live. for me it was a process. today i feel that i've learned alot from the process and am now learning what i do want and don't need from a relationship. growth hurts. so congradulations on your growth and just know this too shall pass. love and luck
I'm sorry that you got stung. I hope it heals it quickly. i was sad too when i realised i cared for someone who was not able to care for me in the same or sometimes even barely adequate ways. Acceptance came easier for me after the sadness passed, today i find I can care about my A without expecting any in return although there are times now i put my energies to better use. I hope you feel better soon, take care of yourself.
Maresie, I am so sorry you're feeling sad. I'm not wise enough--yet--to offer words of encouragement or hope, as I am very new to my recovery. I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you and hoping your leg, your back and your mind feel better soon.
oh hon how awful. I hate those dang things. I walked over a wasps nest and they went up my shorts...then another time I was bending over fixing a fence and they came up and got me and went up my top.
So believe me I do feel your pain and am so sorry you hurt. If you can take aspirin it will help the swelling go down.
Yes you reminded me of that fact about A's. I forgot that one, the one where I got to where I did not bother to talk to him anymore becuz he did not care.
I am so sad for you. And I do care. I know too how it feels when ya realize people here at mip, who you have never met face to face, care about you more than your A.
Wish I could bring you tea and toast. That is what my mother would do. And potato soup. sigh
I am sorry about the stings. I hope you are feeling physically better. You have so much that is wonderful in your post and you offer so much truth and spirit. I am sorry that you are feeling sad. I hope that you will feel better soon. I know from living with my alcoholic dad that living with an alcoholic is a weight of 10, 000 pounds much of the time.
I can identify with what you said. Sometimes I wonder how bad it has to be to get their attention. I was listening to some tapes yesterday. She said that the avoidant's wall keeps him from hearing anything that is important to you and keep you from hearing anything that is important to him. It still hurts. I have said to him many times that when I need him the most he is a no show.
Our HP are always there for us. So are your MIP friends. I hope you find some relief from your wasps stings.
((())) and cream for your stings. Wish I could make you feel better in person. It is okay to feel sad and let your feelings out. I know the hard part of living with the disease is the reality that you get to the point where you say to yourself the only person I can rely on is me. We shutdown our feelings to protect ourselves for to open them up and get nothing in return hurts even more. Please know how loved you are by us all here at MIP. Your posts are so uplifting and inspiring to others so for you to be posting a down day is very significant. Have a good cry Mares it will help. Thinking of you. Luv Leo xxx
I am also sorry you are feeling sad. It's frustrating how the A treats the ones who love them.