Before I start, what do you do about a neighbor enabling buying the booze & transporting it her when I have the wheels? Can I tell the neighbor no more? I have not yet.

I got off work at 8pm. I came home and loaded the sale items by myself. I acted like everything was great when I came inside. 

 Well, We did get along Saturday enough to do our regular sale. We got setup & I left to do errands while she did the sale alone. We had some more bills left to pay about $230+ , buy some dog food, basic household stuff & fill up gas tank ( $2.71). She mentioned I was ruining a good day with my attitude. I was fine , I thought. Besides just smacking & splitting my thumb nail with the steering wheel a few minutes prior. 

Now she hates when I touch her wallet that is personal & private. Well I looked while she was passed out the other nite. she had about $65 left out of $100. she paid $355 gas bill, $67 in household bills, $90 for tires & I think .......I do not know where the rest of the $222 went that she had left besides the $65 she has now.

I got ready to go do the errands & shop. I thought carefully about my words. I asked her " Am I to cover the rest of the bills for the month?" She said "how much was the gasoline bill at our local store for the prior month." ( we get credit and pay the following month.) It was $355. I said nothing more and left. 

I had $400 saved up for fixing up my truck. It was suppose to go to the shop on Tuesday then Wednesday then it has been put off and put off again. I started working in the end of March. It will cost $400 to get my truck legal, repaired & on the road. I have tried & tried to save that money for that reason. That has been my main goal of this job.

I have had to pay for a neurologist appt. $250 cash, I will have to pay another $62 on the 20th. I have had to start in June paying $100 a month to a friend who purchased a mobile home for us. The total debt is $1500 & my A managed to NOT get her name on that bill. So I am reponsible for the entire cost. My A is telling everyone WE are fixing up this mobile home to live in. I have used my money to put a new battery, tires, & altenator on this truck to keep it running. It is a 1979 C-10 Chevy and our only wheels for now. I swear she thinks money grows on trees. I did put up a sign with all the bills for this month plus outstanding debt. she says she has till Dec to save $430 in order to not pay the interest on the A/C we got. what about the other debts. I feel bad not being able to pay our debts.

I have $60 dollars in my wallet today. We earned $88 from the sale. the money from that takes care of our rescued animals. We have not taken in any since april 05 just not getting any adopted. I will get paid soon from my job but I will not have the $400 again yet. she is still owed $200 for housesitting during the 4thof july week. She is saying she is going to use it for the animals. I can have that debt added to the mobile home debt or she could work it off ( but she don't want to) The lady who bought the m.h. is going to get the vet to come update the rabies for all our animals soon. she said she will pay & we can owe her.   

I have thought about it & maybe my A is afraid I will do what I did when I was ending a bad marriage in the 80's. HP made it possible for $50 to $100 to be overage on the weekly balance of the family business. I sent this overage home to my mother over the summer. My now X hubby never knew. I told my A how I got away. 

I have moved a total of 38 times in 38 of my 46 years this is the longest I have ever lived in one location & I aint leaving this time.

Also last year by accident I took all the money for the house & went to town. I thought I only had the bill money. I was going to get money orders and medication. I was really sick, I had renal failure, sepsis, low blood pressure & GERD.  I ended up in ICU on my birthday. I had to get a neighbor to go look for her to take me to the ER a few days before , she was out at an abandoned church drinking. I knew I was sick but I did not look like I was so I was send home. Pre Alanon days. I was so mad at her I was really sick & she was no where to be found so I woke up early and took myself back to the ER. It took forever to , hmmm no she still does hid all her money now. I kinda know where it is but I do not want to start a war. she woke up the day I left early & panicked. She got the neighbor to bring her to town to find me. I was sleeping in the front seat of the truck while waiting for the prescriptions to be filled. My neighbor got me into the er quickly. ( we had to lie)

I think she does not want me to have my own set of wheels. Funny how I affect many this way. I have been very passive & easily controlled in the past but they were all afraid I was  going to leave.

I was just adding up how much money I have earned from this job I started in the end of March. I should have about $2500 to $3000. I bought myself a digital camera for $88, paid $100 to get my computer up and running again, & $75 for a 19 " tv. Besides that I have nothing hidden anywhere. nada zip. I have been using my money on paying to keep us afloat. I have not hoarded it. It does feel good to be able to go out to eat with friends once every 2 or 3 months and pay our way. They will cover but.... 

I bought a notebook & am going to start keeping a tally of daily expenses & reciepts. I am going to start keeping tighter reins on the money. I am a bit curious where it is going. I do know sometime ago, I gave her money to go to the store & she shortchanged me. We live on money orders & cash. Credit is ruined ( disabled & no income.) We have broadcast tv, no cell phones, & mom pays for my internet service $18.95 a month. We go to town maybe 12 to 15 days out of the month. We eat out at cheap resturants or with coupons or lunch specials.  Our bills usual are around $300 a month. I am a bit perturbed that my A could not tell me she thought she had paid her half & I should start paying my half as well. Where the hell does she think my money has been going? sheesh

I have not had any income in 10 years. I hope to get Social Security hearing next month. I sit with an elderly man which is basically easy to do. I can lay down & do my back stretches during the time I am there. I did have a savings account and so did she back before we became disabled.

Roflmbo....A lady from my Alanon group happened upon our sale. My A says after the lady entered the store. I wonder why she looked at me strange. Oh , She only hears the bad stuff about me but if it helps you then good.

This weekend has been better, A got sick off two bottles of cheap wine the other nite so she has like 6 liters of sodas now. She is reading a book " The seat of the soul" by Gary Zucker. there is hope. I hope she can shut up about me getting help and focus on herself. It is so annoying. I think I have detached. It is like she is an annoying mosquito buzzing your ears. 

Thanks for listening ((((((AlAnon family))))))))  

P.S. 11 days till my vacation July 26 to Aug 1