The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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Has any one ever felt they dont belong any where?I am in alanon but my ex a hasnt been with me over 3 years there is no A in my life.
I tried comeing here and posting and try to give and respond to help others.I have gone to the aa side of posting, even though they been extra kind to me i just dont feel I belong there either.
When I read posts of the wife staying or girlfriend I try to show compassion and understanding but it seems at times shallow cause I am not there and I decided to leave and stay gone.I just feel different and since we have had posts on people reponding you dont have to respond I am just trying to work this out for my self is all .
You do belong here. I for one would be very upset if you left us. I always enjoy reading your posts. I only wish I had the time to respond to all of yours.
Just because you have no A in your life at the moment, doesn't mean that you don't belong here. Your life has been affected my this disease too, doesn't matter when. The fact that you chose to leave your A is fine. Plenty of people do. We are not here to judge you. You did what you thought was best for you. Good for you! I know that if hubby was still active I would not live with him. I can't. No one knows what you've gone through exactly, because we are not you. Nor have we lived your life. But we similar experiences and that's the bond. So you absolutely belong here if you want to be here.
I know that feeling of being "lost". I realized that it came down to being comfortable in my own skin. I am who I am, and trust me there is plenty room for improvement. But while I work on improving myself, I have to be gentle on myself. Little by little I'm getting there, and you will do.
Love and blessings to you.
Live strong, Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Now this is just MY experience but I get alot out of the shares of people who are working the program w/o active acoholism/addiction in their live.
It shoes how to really apply the program in "all our affairs".
For me, I think I landed with an A because of my character defects. I also know that if my A wasn't in my life tomorrow, I could still go back to old comfortable behaviors and not have anything to keep them in check or to get better.
I'll stray from program and give advice. Don't feel guilty being in Alanon w/o an active qualifier. We all have something to offer.
Bob
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You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
Dori, I do relate. I wanted to tell you something I have learned in my life.
It mostly came to me the last year. I did not know where I belonged. My mother died,she was my best friend. My grama just died in March, and lost all my relatives shortly before.
Plus my husband was and may still be,walking dead. My kids have their own lives, daughter has new baby, son just got married and now has two kids.
Where do I belong? Who do I connect to? Many of my friends are dead. My daddy is dieing now.
So I am not a daughter, grand daughter, niece, wife, am I an orphan now? lol
So I am learning that is how life is, at least for me. Always changing, then I have to sorta ease into making it ok again. Now I am seeing my daughter and her son more and they stay over a lot.
Not seeing my son a lot but he calls all the time.
I am really busy out here on my sanctuary. So I am really getting ok sortof with out a family anymore. I am thinking Ok I need to do family reunions with my kids and my niece who just moved up here.
Sorry did not mean to go on. I guess I just wanted to tell ya I sure relate to what you are saying. Our life changes and we may not do the same things anymore and it may throw us off.
i know I appreciate you being here becuz of your responses and you are a familiar person.
Dori, I love your posts! You have a lot to give, and I have seen how you have grown with or without your A. I don't forsee myself leaving here with or without my qualifier. The people here are the greatest, and I regard you all as my friends and family. I have never met a nicer group of people!
You are wonderful to keep sharing your ESH with us, there is always something to learn from people who share their experiences with us! Keep on keeping on, Love Ya, TLC
This program is not a one size fits all program, we get to work this program the way that is best for you. Not staying with your "A" was your choice, and you felt it was best for you. Living with an active "A" affects us and alanon helps us work through the affects of the disease.
There is a lovely woman who attends all the same f2f meetings that I go to. She lived with active alcoholism, then her husband found recovery, and he has since passed. He has been gone for a few years now, and she continues to be an asset to our alanon meetings. And she has no active addiction.
Dori, I have decided to stay with my hubby. Right now I am working on me to figure out if it is love or fear of change that has me still with him. Hearing from people who have decided to leave gives me courage and hearing from people who have decided to stay gives me hope.
That is the beauty of alanon. I get to take what I like and leave the rest.
Yours in recovery,
Dolphin123
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
I can very much relate to this feeling Dori. I certainly never felt I belonged anywhere. Lately I have been feeling less like a fish out of water. I think that is attributable to this program and the love and care and compassion I feel here. It is something that I can allow it "in".
I am very glad that you are here and dealing with whatever you are dealing with. I am sure it takes a while to get out of the dramarama that goes with living with an A. The adrenaline surges alone must be hard to withdraw from.
I also know that if the A was not around I would still be codependent. I am very codependent and need this program to work all areas of my life. Staying focused on me is such a task for me.
It would be super if you felt you belonged here even without the A. Know why? There are going to be those who grow through their program and will plainly grow out of the relationship with their A for good. Seeing you and listening to what you have to share,without the qualifier, if anything is a strong testament to life going on after the storm is over(with the other individual anyway).You would be considered an example of folks going on with or WITHOUT that other individual...providing valuable insight and experience.
Whatever may come Dori,hang in there..we appreciate you plenty.Ram
Have you ever thought about how much strength you can share with women wanting to leave and don't know how they can do it? You show that you can do it and survive.
I left my first husband and never looked back for his addictions. He was a classic creepy addict. Physical abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, adultery, not paying bills, using all money for drugs/alcohol, no interest in children, etc. a real lowlife creep. It is obvious why I left him...
My second husband, is a very high functioning alcoholic. He works and supports my daughter and I and helps out at home and does not cheat on me or run around. Leaving him is a lot more complicated. So, I have been on both sides, leaving with no hesitation and deciding to stay.
When I left my first husband I went to counseling to deal with the horrible serious abuse. My counselor urged me to attend support group meetings at the local battered woman's shelter. She said that women needed to hear my story of how I got out and how I put my life back together. I attended those meetings for some 6 years after I left my husband. Did those women think I belonged? YES! They told me time and time again how much I helped them.
So, you DO belong here. You understand where many of us are coming from and can share your strength.
Your ESH is vital to others no matter how long ago it has been that you were actually IN the situation.
Don't underestimate the power of reading about how life is "on the other side" to people desperate to follow your roadmap on how to get out...
Hello Dori , well I think u belong right where u are here. Your life has been adversly affected by alcohol and u too need to recover. Some stay some go we are all different and if u listen and watch for the similarities instead of focusing onthe diff ,you will lknow that this is where u belong.
We come in all sizes shapes and colors here , our circumstances are seldom the same but our feelings are that is how we identify with each other and what makes our program so special to me. keep commin back dori Love Louise
Thank you for the replys it was felt deeply in my soul.I have people in my past tell me to write a book. Well for most of you know I dont write well it is a hoot.
I grew up in a alcoholic family of abuse , sexual abuse and physical abuse of some I cant speak of yet.I was taken away from my parents at the age of 12 never retured.At 16 I ran away from the orphange.
Trying to make this short.I grew up on the streets of Houston.I was kidnapped after getting off a bus by gunpoint and ganged raped.Drugs and alcohol started very quickly by the age of 22 I was messed up.
My hp God became real to me and i stopped all the drugs and alcohol and than on the road to destruction of abusive men..one after another five in a row . Married , and had two children and wanted to be a mom more than any thing it maeks me cry to even think my hp would bless me i was 35 and was told for many years couldnt have any so got pregnant had a daugther and son stayed with the man even though he was awful to me cheating abuse not to the kids one day I left no money no job no education I filed charges on him and started my life over.
all was well i thought the kids and i were doing good .I met a man he seemed a answer to prayer he was loveing treated me like I never was took me out to nice places comment on how beautiful i was and i was a gonner .The kids loved him so here i go i moved him everything blew up found out he was a felon 3 dwi ,drugs and addicted to cocain and everything between .he was also a phycopath and tryied to kill me and burn my house down , burnt all my sutff got me fired from my job on and on .
I left and never retured ran to alanon not walked i ran i never wanted to do that again.i have been in alanon 3 years and he got sober but one thing i learned just because they get sober doesnt mean they might still be abuserers cheaters or in my case down right crazy.
so i didnt give him another chance my kids deserved better now my daugther was 17 and my son 14 but still..so thanks for listing this is to long but thanks it helped i do have a story i just dont want to be self righteous and unkind to woman who stay and that is my recovery to learn that.Now there is no caos no dram no a in my life and someone told me once you are sick as your secrets.
so here is mine i almost cant function in this real world of serenty the kdis are doing good all is well but finances but what the deal i sometimes cry and dont know i am in councilnig now cause nights mares of all the abuse go fiquor .
just read your post and had to reply. since i have come here i have found your postings an inspiration. you have guided me, and i needed your sound guidance. i am getting better now slowly.
you belong here, you've helped me more than you know
