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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> New here, but need lots of help!
Post Info TOPIC: New here, but need lots of help!
desperate for help


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New here, but need lots of help!
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Hello.  My husband is an alcoholic and I am at wits end.  I don't know where to turn and thought I would start here.  He only drinks at night, but drinks EVERY night, 7 nights a week.  He gets completely drunk.  He drinks straight vodka and swtiches back and forth to beer.  It seems to get a little worse every night.  He wakes up at 3 or 4 am to use the bathroom and will fall in the bathroom or walks, or should I say stumbles, around the house and trips over chairs.  I am so afraid that he is going to get hurt badly or worse kill himself falling.



Yes, I have talked to him and encouraged him to get help.  He acknowledges that he is an alcoholic, but refuses to get help.  He claims that since he can get up at 8am and start his day and function "normally", that he does not need help.  I don't think that the average person can drink as much as he can.  He goes through a 1.75 liter of vodka in about 3 days.  He will fill a 24 oz. cup with straight vodka and drink about 3 of those a night and have about 5-8 beers on top of that!  How the man is still alive just amazes me.



When he becomes drunk, he gets very mean, very loud.  The TV has to be sooo loud.  Is the hearing impaired when one is drunk?



Also, I have noticed that he is getting sick alot lately.  He seems to constantly have sinus infections.  He has been through a number of antibiotics and nothing works.  Is this part of the alcoholism?  Can he eventaully die from this disease, alcoholism?



I don't know who to turn to.  He's a great husband and Dad during the day.  Everyone thinks that I have the best marriage because he is so great.  No one has an idea of what I go through.  Please give me some advice.


Thanks,


Linda



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leo


~*Service Worker*~

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Hi Linda,


Big hugs and welcome to MIP.  Not sure what country you are in but I would encourage you to look up your local anon office and you will find lots of support to help you get through all this.  You need to remember the 3 c's - You didn't cause his alcoholism, you cannot control it and you cannot cure it.  Then start to look after the most important people you and your children.  Alcoholism is a progressive disease and your husband will continue to get sick if his drinking does not stop.  The only person who can choose to change is him.   It can be an extremely isolating existence for you and the kids if you have to pretend everything is okay when deep down your life is in turmoil.  I live in a small country town and it is like living in a goldfish bowl you can't sneeze without anyone knowing what is happening.  You also will be having a rollercoaster of emotions and this too is normal.  Don't question your own judgement it is probably spot on.  There is lots of love and support here for you anytime you need it and we will not judge you in anyway.  There are a few MIP members here who may be able to post numbers for you to contact but I don't have them as I am in Australia.  Hope this helps a little and stay in touch.  Luv Leo xxx



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Dolphin123


~*Service Worker*~

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Desperate,


So glad that you found us.


Here is a link to help you find a meeting


http://www.al-anon.org/meetings/meeting.html


and the phone number to help find meetings Alanon meetings 1-888-425-2666


We have a chat room here where you can find people to talk to and we also have meetings there everyday at 9am and 9pm eastern. Here is the url to our meeting/ chatroom


www.mipchat.net


 


 


You are not alone, we all here know the pain of loving an "A".


Leo told you the 3 C's of alanon, and that is what helped me when i first came here.


keep coming back.


Yours in recovery,


Dolphin123



-- Edited by Dolphin123 at 12:19, 2006-07-15

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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
lin0606


~*Service Worker*~

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Welcome, you are in the right place. Unfortunately, there is not much that can be done for the Alcoholic, until he decides he is ready to get help. However, there is a lot that can be done for you.
One thing is that you can do is stop blaming yourself, and accepting blame for what is happening. This is not your fault; you cannot control his drinking. The more you take the focus off of him, and put it on yourself, and what you can change to make your life better, the better off you will be. You can't change him, but you can change yourself, and you may find that there are things you are doing which are interfering with your ability to live a joyful life.

If you can find an alanon meeting, I urge you to go. I didn't start going to meetings until my husband sobered up, and I really regret it. I could always find some excuses for not going, but when I look back at it, it was really that I never felt right just doing something for myself - if it was not for someone else, I felt like I didn't deserve it. And then I wondered why I was so full of resentment and buried anger! Go figure.

Read through the old posts here - I am sure you will find something meaningful to you, even if everything doesn't apply to you. One thing we say here is 'Take what you like, leave the rest" Not everything you learn in alanon will speak to your life, but I know that some things will. If you read some of our literature, you will learn some more of what our program is about - you can get books through the bookstore here, through amazon or ebay, through the public library, or you can buy or borrow our books from your local face to face meeting. Face to face meetings are free, they last about an hour, and you do not have to say or do anything if you don't want to. Most newcomers are unable to speak much; no one will think anything of it if you just sit there and cry.

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abbyal


~*Service Worker*~

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Hello and welcome , ihope u find Al-Anon meetings in your area soon ,they will help u to understand this disease and to get your life back on track . Nothing we say or do will make the alcoh olic  drink or stop. My husb also worked never m issed a days work , drank all night , sick but still able to function (if you can call it that)on a daily basis . He owned his own business and was very successful .  


Alcoholics need enablers to continue to function and thats where we come in , we lie for them , we cover up thier mistakes , we avert crisis , we believe the lies they tell ,and we accept unexceptable behavior, until we stop doing those thngs nothing will change .


Anonymity is the basis of our program so it is a safe place to share what is going on in your life we don't talk about the alcoholic we talk about ourselves and how to learn to live our lives while allowing them the dignity to do the same.  We learn to detach with love . You are not the reason he drinks he drinks because he has a problem. Everything we attemt to do to stop it is doomed to fail , because it is not our problem to fix . leave it with him where it belongs.


Keeping the secret ,from family and friends I can relate too , If I had a dime for everyone who said  i wish  I had a marriage like yours . I would be a rich woman.  hehe  unfortunatley we make them look so good we end up looking like idiots  I lost my sence of humor( being ever alert does that to a gal . :)   I was the nag (the one with the problelm ) the stick in the mud so to speak.  When I stoped doing for him what he should be doing for himself our house changed pretty quick with out someone running interfernce for him people soon clued in who really had the problem  . and all i had to do was step aside and let him grow up.


there is always hope don't give up.  good luck  Louise



-- Edited by abbyal at 22:42, 2006-07-15

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s1234


Newbie

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I feel the same way you do.  My husband has a problem with drinking nad I don't know what to do!!!!  Remember we can't control the problem.  Like yours mine is in denial too.  I need to stay strong and get help for my kids.  Keep telling yourself you did not do thid, I knoe that seems to help me.


sharon



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Andrea12


~*Service Worker*~

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Linda,

Welcome you have found a place where people totally understand your situation...alcoholism is a horrible disease that affects the loved ones of alcoholics as well as the alcoholics themselves.....

Yes, you can die for this awful disease.....the thing is girlfriend not one thing you can do about it.....only he has that control...

Please try and join in chat....come the the meetings and try and find a face to face meeting in your area.....

We get so caught up in worrying about the alcoholice we forget about ourselves and our lives....people who do not live it just don't get it....

Hoping to meet you in the chat room...wishing you the best...just give it a try and you will find some peace

Best Wishes,
Andrea


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Tomorrow is not a guarantee enjoy today
dori


Senior Member

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Hi.


 I am so glad you are here keep posting and go to meetings on line face to face glad you are here.


 dori



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dorene morrow
Jennifer


~*Service Worker*~

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hi ((Linda))


Welcome! I'm glad you are here. You'll find loads of information and really wonderful people to share with here. I had to laugh at your question about being hearing impaired while drinking, my A is definitely hearing impaired while drinking, loud TV, loud talking, lots of "HUH's?" when I talk. But then all of a sudden he can hear the tiniest noise in the yard or on the street and think the world is closing in on the house. I hope you keep coming back.


Jennifer



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nycbt


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 810
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Welcome to MIP. You are not alone. There a lot of people who understand.


 


 


 


World Service Organization Website –


 


WWW.al-anon.alateen.org


 


Alanon meetings 1-888-425-2666


Chat room is open 24/7 there here the link to www.mipchat.net or http://www.12stepforums.net/chatroom2.html 


 


Here are some things that have helped me since in the program.


 


 



  • Go face to face meeting & online meeting.
  • post on the board here on the site. I have gotten a lot of good feed back.

 


·        In this program u learn that u have choices. In Alanon we don’t give advice but only suggestions.


 


·        Set support system.  people do not judge. You need someone who can go for coffee on a bad day, or pick up a phone and call when in trouble. The support is what is important when you first this program.


 


 



  • Have a sponsor. Someone work one on one with you.

 


You don’t have to do this the minute u come to the program but I suggest that u do it when u can. It help.


 

 Meeting schedule: meetings are in here and run approximately 90 minutes from: Monday-Friday, 9 am and 9 pm EST, Saturday: 10 am and 9 pm EST, Sunday: 10 am and 7 pm EST. Topics are selected by participants at meeting time. UK +5 hours, central -1 hour, mountain -2 hours, pacific -3 hours. Open chat all other times.

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Hey everyone watch me grow. I go thru good & bad times. each day i am getting stronger.
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