The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
When I first came to these rooms, I was lost. I had lost my A for a year, and my kids left to live with thier A Dad. It has been a very hard year for me, but with the help of Al-anon, my sponsor, and all of you. I am able to see progress in me. I am getting stronger and learning more everyday. I am also getting in touch with myself and my HP. Which also has been a very hard thing for me to do.
I have heard from my A in weeks now. The old me would have been calling him, crying and begging him to talk to me. The old me would have gone to every bar looking for him, which always made him so mad. Now, I do my own thing, I don't ask people about him, I don't go looking for him, I don't call him. I don't dwell on him all day. At first I asked myself what is wrong with me. I think that maybe I am making progress. I still hope and pray for him to call me or even be in my life, but now I am just living my life day by day.
Please anyone give me in-put to why I am doing this.
heartless39470 wrote: I have heard from my A in weeks now. The old me would have been calling him, crying and begging him to talk to me. The old me would have gone to every bar looking for him, which always made him so mad. Now, I do my own thing, I don't ask people about him, I don't go looking for him, I don't call him. I don't dwell on him all day. At first I asked myself what is wrong with me. I think that maybe I am making progress. I still hope and pray for him to call me or even be in my life, but now I am just living my life day by day. Please anyone give me in-put to why I am doing this. Julie
Julie, I am a little confused. What is it that you feel you are doing wrong. You are working on you and keeping the focus on you!. Do you think it is wrong to want him to call you or to be in your life? For me, now this is just me, there is nothing wrong in that.
LOL, maybe I need clarification, sorry.
Yours in recovery,
Dolphin123
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
So very glad to hear you are making progress.....I hope that you will continue on this path and every day is a little brighter....
I am so happy you are letting go...sometimes we have to let go just to get back to ourselves....and other times when we give them there disease totally and make them stand up and be responsible for themselves wonderful things happen.....
This has been an awful time for you.....living in the day is a wonderful thing dear lady.....My prayers are with you....I wish you a little serenity....
Maybe you are doing this because you have had enough....no more running to the bar and hunting him down.....then again maybe you have just decided he needs to be responsible for himself.....anyway...for whatever reason you are letting go and letting God, I am happy for you......
Sweetie, of course you want him to call or contact you. You love him. And we want attention from those we love! Perfectly natural to me.
Look at your great progress, you are not hunting him down, can't control him anyway, then you are looking to yourself. More not what is wrong with me, but hmm what made me feel this way? That I don't have to hunt for him or long for him until it makes me sick?
Hey I probably have wished my husband would show his love for me since I was 17 years old.
I used to hunt for him, but usually it was becuz he was suppose to be home or asked me to come where he was and I would want to make sure he was safe. I learned though not to even bother. The active A wants to be where they can use and not chance to hear anything negative about their behavior that they KNOW is wrong.
Every time i get the mail I hope for a letter. I hope when the phone rings it is him. sigh but when it isn't, oh well and am still fine instantly.
Take things as they come. Appreciate what ya do have. Sometimes I have to work on that. But it is helping big time.
You are doing great. Now what are you doing for fun?
Perhaps you are grieving for a relationship that once was. That's very common. It's like a death in the family.
Sounds to me like you are doing what you are suppose to be doing. Taking good care of yourself, emotionally and physically. I remember when you first came here. My how you've grown. I am very proud of you. You aren't doing anything wrong dear one. You are in recovery. This is what it's about.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I am also a recovering love addict. Pia Melody's book on Love Addiction helped me to understand why I wanted to pursue when people were leaving me. I have had to work a program on love addiction as well as codependency. Until I really worked on love addiction I did a lot of begging and did not understand that I was in "withdrawal".
Love addiction recovery is also available on line. I have found personally that dealing with my codependence and love addiction simultaneously has been key.
You aren't doing anything wrong dear one. You are in recovery. This is what it's about. 