The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just thought of something hilarious to me that is..................................................Living with an adult alcholic. You can walk away from them in public. You can leave them in the vehicle in hot or cold weather. You can leave them in a parking lot. You can let them have a temper tantrum in public etc.
And no one will call the law, lock you up or file charges on you for child neglect. ( the A acts like a child most of the time) Unfortunately you can not do bodily harm or kill them. But you can ignore them.
I found that to be absolutely hilarious. Of course I am exhausted and must go to bed now. I am going in an hour earlier.
My A did absolutely nothing all day today. oops I take that back she did lay in bed. lol She says she fed none of the dogs but for me not to do it they will be fine. grrrrrrrrrrrrrr She used to have a brain.
How do you deal when they say how they are working being sober & telling others they are not drinking anymore but it is all lies?
When I try and "deal" with that, I fail miserably. When I refuse to "deal" with it, I do better.
Those people she is lying to either don't know her very well, or know full well it is a lie. Saying I am getting better does not make it obvious to family and friends.
Now I have only been in the program for a few months so take it for what its worth, but when I focus on what she's doing... cataloging her every move, I feel tense and anxious and resentful. When I spend all the energy I have to make sure I am doing what I need to do, I can relax and concentrate.
I still can't do that all the time, but I am getting better at it. I have heard people here and in meetings call it keeping my side of the street clean. I can't change what she does anyway, and have no control of what people's reactions are to her. All I can do is the right things for me.
Don't know if that helps or even makes any sense LOL, but I hope so.
Take care of you!
__________________
"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
When he lies about his sobriety, I let it go. My close friends know the truth, and his close friends can see it for what it is. And some of them call him on his BS.
His lies, his problem, none of my business. It will catch up to him sooner or later even if I never say a word.
Yours in recovery,
Dolphin123
__________________
"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
1) spend all the time and energy getting lost in their disease and getting wrapped up with what they are or are not doing. I can become obessesive, beligerent, etc. I can make myself crazy.
or:
2) I can take back my life and live strong. I can focus on my recovery and get on with my life, regardless if my A is active or not. I can and will be healthy. I will not die for their disease.
I choose the latter. I am grateful this program has showed me how to do it. An addict is going to do what an addict is going to do. There is nothing you can do about it. Now that my A is recovering I stick closer to this program more than ever now. I am beyond grateful that he has found recovery, but if I don't work my program it won't matter. For I'll be where I was a year ago, only with a sober hubby. That's not for me. I need to grow up too. Hopefully I'm doing that bit by bit. I'd rather put all that time and energy I wasted while he was wasted, back where it belongs, on me. I am entitled to be happy and healthy and by God I intend to be. That's just me. Take what you like.
Live strong,
Karilynn
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
My A does nothing either. He comes home from work waters the garden and thinks he has done plenty. The rest of the evening is spent sitting in the garage drinking beer and occasionally throwing out an insult to my son or me. Here's what I do on the other hand, I work one full time job, two part time jobs, and try to take care of a little boy with ADHD and other problems. I also do the dishes, all the laundry, clean the bathroom/carpet/ blankets every time AH has an accident as a result of his drinking, vacuum, sweep, mop etc. AH does nothing and thinks he does everything. What a joke.
I'm quite certain all of your friends know that your A is lying. They can see it, but I'm sure they just don't know what to say so they pretend it's all okay. I think my AH family knows he drinks a lot, but just chooses to pretend there is nothing wrong.
My AW does well all day at work and I doubt that anyone would ever know she is an A. We have pretty much withdrawn from friends as they all like to party and I think most of them are A's. also. I guess I am lucky, she is extremely functional all day and part of the evenings when we get home. She works hard at work and at home until she has had too much and then it is all over and anything can happen. Normally, she just shuts down, which is fine with me. The lies are still there though, even if the lies are only to herself and me. There have been times when she cannot get out of bed too - but it's her problem, not mine. At those times, I just do what needs to be done around the house. Even with that, she does her share if not a lot more so I guess in that respect I am very fortunate. Still no fun though. Best wishes,
Thanks for the replies you are all my sanity. I had an appt over the phone yesterday with my counselor. It was almost cancelled because I owe $15. I was mad they had called me the day before to remind me of the appt. I said I was having a crisis & had to talk to him. I am going to get them a money order for $30 so I will be ahead. I am grateful that he will let me talk to him on the phone when I can not get there in person.
I wanted to clear something up before it is misunderstood. I would never leave my A in hot car with the windows up. Though I wickedly would want to some days. but no I would not do that.
I usually do not worry about what my A is doing lately. Esp. since this program. but some days it is hard to ignore. It is like the A is throwing a monkey wrench in my daily life some days. Then I want to kill.
I am taking care of me. I did buy a 19" tv recently so I can go to another room and get away. We did get permission to fix up a mobile home to live in we had orginal bought it for storage. It will cost around $600 just to turn on the power. It can be done. My little man ( chewie, a toy manchester terrier mix) is with me where ever I go. I told my boss lady I will take any schedule she has even Saturdays. I worked one day & it will be 3 overnites this month. I do not care. I am not home and it is more money. I will in SC July 26 to Aug 1. I will be one mile from the beach. I will get to see family and friends I have not seen in about 2 years. I am losing more weight. YEAH! a little but it feels good. SC will be shocked cuz I was about 50 lbs heavier when they saw me last. from myspace, got in touch with a friend from my past party days.He referred to me as "D........the fabulous." great for my ego. He looked like Peter Frampton back in the day. He was one of the few guys that respected me. I found the serenity prayer online in calligraphy. I made several copies and have them in various places.
It just sucks when you come home and you do not know if the dogs have been fed for the day. they have been fed more than once on several occasions. You check the answering machine or caller id and see several people have called but you will not have a clue if you will know what they said. She is on the phone and it is between 9 & 10 pm est. she knows the meeting time. I see she has rearranged stuff on my desk again. I hate that.
we were suppose to get my truck to the repair shop when I was off two days in a row. now she was not drunk but it just did not get done. She just can not get up early enough so plan B. I do not want to pay a tow truck to haul it. I can not tow it myself. I am going to see sunday if I can get someone to help me get it to him. I am also going to go have a " coffee" with a new female friend I met. I helped her "A" dad. Maybe we can go to an alanon meeting together at least I will have some place to go that my A does not know about.
It sucks not to depend on her for help just a warm body in the way sometimes. she is doing good tonite. I guess nothing she does it right at this time. I am mellowing out. Well I loaded the truck for our Saturday sale. I took the fuel filter off and blew it out. It has had trash in it lately.
Oh she was on the phone the other nite to a neighbor lmao. They told her she was drunk. she denied it. The neighbor knows when A tells her she has a "sinus headache" that it is a hangover. I say nothing. I try not to.
I am grateful that my A is not violent when she is drinking. I have been there done that. It scares me. I know some of my alanon family have that. I pray you will be watched over and no harm will come to you. Thanks for letting me vent.
