Hello, new here... - Al-Anon Family Group

pj · Newbie

Hello, new here...

Dolphin123 · ~*Service Worker*~

PJ,

When I first came to alanon I was told the 3 C's. I didn't cause it, I can't control it, and I can't cure it. This was so helpful for me because I thought I caused his drinking, I tried to control his drinking, and I tried to do anything that I thought would cure it. Letting that go was my first step into putting the focus back on me and to stop obsessing about him.

I can so relate to what you said about not having the chance to be imperfect. I was supermom/wife when I came here. I ws so busy taking care of everyone else that I neglected me, and I was falling apart. And I was so busy with everyone else that I didn't have to look at me.

I have learned to not focus on him. If I can't cure, control, or cause his using, then what is the point in focusing on me? I have control over me and my life. And today I think that is a much better use of my time.

I would suggest you try meetings again. Being with people working the program shows you a way to work the program. Then you take what you like and leave the rest.

Keep coming back.

Yours in recovery,

Dolphin123

nmike · ~*Service Worker*~

pj,

Welcome to MIP! Glad you found us and shared your story. There is no simple answer. We are not here to give advice but to share our experience, strength, and hope. And there is alot of it. I always think that we should listen to and protect our children first and foremost. Try to take good care of your son. And no one can tell us to leave or stay. That decision is yours. Keep coming back.

In support,

Nancy

lin0606 · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome, yes you are in the right place. If his drinking and behaviour around drinking is causing a problem, then it really is beside the point whether he is an Alcoholic or not - you need help, and we have some.

You might want to just start out by reading some of the older posts here - not everything will apply to you, but I bet if you read a few pages, you will find plenty that is said that speaks to you.

We will not tell you whether to stay or go - some of us have left, and some of us have stayed. It is possible to live with an active A and find happiness, but it is not easy.

In my own case, I did not get to alanon until my husband sobered up - they told him in rehab that I should come here, so I did (being the good little wife who always does what she can for everyone) Little did I know what a difference it would make to my life - after all, HE was the one with the problem, right? Ha.
I wish so much that I had found the program earlier, when the kids were younger. I think it could have saved them (and me) a lot of pain.

If nothing else, going to alanon meetings will give you an hour now and then when you are accepted as you are, when no one will be shocked at anything you can say, when no one will say "throw the bum out". It is a place where you can speak your truth - often at home many of us find that our voices are silenced. It seems that with an A around, the only thing they want to hear is THEIR side of the story. Here you can tell your side, with no bad consequences.

dori · Senior Member

Hi,

glad you are here welcome

Jennifer · ~*Service Worker*~

hello (((PJ)))

Welcome! Glad you are here. Please keep coming back.

Jennifer

nycbt · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome to MIP. You are not alone. There a lot of people who understand.

World Service Organization Website –

WWW.al-anon.alateen.org

Alanon meetings 1-888-425-2666

Chat room is open 24/7 there here the link to www.mipchat.net or http://www.12stepforums.net/chatroom2.html

Here are some things that have helped me since in the program.

Go face to face meeting & online meeting.

post on the board here on the site. I have gotten a lot of good feed back.

· In this program u learn that u have choices. In Alanon we don’t give advice but only suggestions.

· Set support system. people do not judge. You need someone who can go for coffee on a bad day, or pick up a phone and call when in trouble. The support is what is important when you first this program.

Have a sponsor. Someone work one on one with you.

You don’t have to do this the minute u come to the program but I suggest that u do it when u can. It help.

Meeting schedule: meetings are in here and run approximately 90 minutes from: Monday-Friday, 9 am and 9 pm EST, Saturday: 10 am and 9 pm EST, Sunday: 10 am and 7 pm EST. Topics are selected by participants at meeting time. UK +5 hours, central -1 hour, mountain -2 hours, pacific -3 hours. Open chat all other times.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.