i met a girl. and she was very much the one for me. we were 24. this was nearly 2 years ago. we lived quite a distance from one another, so we had to take trips to see each other. on one of these trips, i discovered bruises all over her body. she had also lost a lot of weight. i also found a 1 liter soda bottle full of vodka in the bathroom. she had drank almost all of it in about 2-3 hours.

long story short, i took her back home with me, on the train. (i didnt have access to a car) her father, an alcoholic in dire need in help, was beating her. and she herself was caving into it. (and probably not for the first time) we got back to my place, about 200 miles north, and we tried to ride it out in my bedroom. but we were scared and couldnt. I took her to the hospital, and they started to rehydrate her. later, they admited her to the detox.

she got out about 5 days later, clean. she went to live with a friend in the same city as I. we saw each other very often. we were in love. but i felt her start to deteriorate. she got word one day, her father had been admited to the hospital. (note: when i was visiting earlier, her mother was also in for the fight of her life, in the hospital, only making things worse for her.) she was happy her dad was in the hospital, finally getting the help he needs, and her mom was starting to pull through with her own fight.

about a week later she got a call. her father was going to die, of complications from alcoholism. i noticed she was drinking again. we took the train back down to where she was from, and she got to see her dad. she stayed at her aunts, and i went back to the city, to work. about 4 days later her father passed. she seemed to take it well. i did not attend the funeral, but she was back in the city with me before you knew it, and it was all downhill. she was drinking very heavily. i got her back into the hospital, and this time a dual diagnosis. she went back to the detox, and had meetings, and after about a week, she was ready to go back out into the world. she had a therapist setup, medications for anxiety and depression.

the summer was blooming, and this was "past" us. there were hiccups, my roommates would report the unexplixably loss of there hardliquor to me. that made me very uncomfortable, ididnt feel loved in my apartment, where i lived with very close friends.

the summer was off an on, and she was fighting her habits. drinking reminded her of her father, and she wanted so badly to be with him.

her mother got out of the hospital in late august, after about 6 months of hospitalization, and loosing her husband to alcohol. most people will tell you, what made her sick, was the stress of her situation.

in september my girlfriend rented her own apartment. i rarely ever visited my own apartment. my own worries of something really bad happening were amplified when i was without her. she'd misplace her cell phone, or not be online, and when we were apart, i was afraid she'd be out drinking and i wouldnt be able to help her.

mid september she had a rather large relapse, and i took her back to the hospital. all the detox's were full. so we rode it out in a hotel. things were very good for a goof 4 months after this. she wasn't drinking, and she was looking for a job, and we were in love. we still are.

time to time, her anxiety would get really bad. and she'd drink. but she'd tell me. time from time she would get scared, and drink. neither of us believe in god, so when people say to do that crap, we don't believe it. humans aren't powerless before anything. we can heal ourselves.

at this point in time, a little more than a year since her fathers passing, life isn't perfect. she has major anxiety attacks, but medicine can help control that. were together non-stop. i get anxeity sometimes when were alone. neither of us are perfect, but we are perfect for each other.

im just really lost when i think to myself, how can i deal with myself, how can i get all this anxiety of my own, off my back, and my mind. i was never much of a drinker, but i have stopped completely for slightly over a year. it's hard for me to hang out with my good friends becuase they all drink. its hard for me to watch. her family has taken me in, and helped, but often they just cause more anxiety in the both of us.

what should i do. i don't have health insurance, and I can't afford a shrink. were moving in together in september, and I think, granted that that won't make the world any easier, it will give us our own santuary. were just about to turn 26, the both of us, and we don't want this to rule our lives.

speaking on behalf of myself, i have goals in life. i have passions. the anxiety i have is getting in the way of them. i feel myself recoiling from life. I have always had social anxiety disorder myself, and all the work i did to get out in the world, be social, have a girlfriend, i feel like i'm starting to regress.

any words from anyone, would be fantastic.